I've lost this place where I could tell the truth
censor myself so much I should evacuate before some bot camps my URL, gaining legitimacy from past contacts
had to pull back and focus on recovery, wasn't gonna let the brainglitch steal my holiday from me. wanted to enjoy it as much as I could. Nana said to buy myself something nice, I tried to. Uncle M never got to enjoy Australia, withdrawing into his head and the company of his schizophrenia
I did my best. I tried. For both of them. I tried my hardest.
Pulled back, pulled away, retreated without a word because I didn't want to jinx myself.
I don't count calories right now, haven't done so for a couple years. I don't know my weight. It's a fuckin victory I never thought I'd reach.
The first question everyone asked about my trip was how much weight I gained in the USA.
I got to say I didn't know and didn't care. (because I didn't)
The second was what it was like to be there during the election.
As a foreigner? Terrifying. Even as a pakeha. Saw the protests in New York, took refuge in a store and prayed they didn't turn violent because I've seen the escalation of violence too many times in the student riots here and saw the signs and I fought too long and too hard for that day to let some privilged upper + upper-middle-class twats ruin it for me, for my little sister.
(Who else has the time to attend a protest march on a work night with less than 24hrs notice other than the financially solvent who live on social media?)
With the way the world is going I censor myself so much online I may as well not be here. The neices are getting bigger, they have snapchat now. Their mum has a locked instagram. I've run afoul of tumblrite inquisitions and harassment campaigns several times in the last couple of years. They now go after my friends when they can 't force me to stop writing. I'm terrified they'll go after my family.
This guilt by association thing is so communist. Who are these people? The Stasi? The Kempeitai? The 'organs' of Soviet rule? The fuckin Red Guard? They certainly act like it.
So fear has forced self-censorship when really I have no fucks left to give. I prefer to spend my time crafting stories that might hiopefully, one day (in my wildest dream) be the kind of legacy I aim for.
I'm just so tired of hurting. Tired of the bullshit and pointless stupidity. I don't know why people waste their time on hearsay and rumours and drama when there is more important shit going on in the world. First World nations waste their time on celebrity gossip and the hashtag alliance of the day while the third world still starves and burns as it has always done.
I'm just so fucking sick of being manipulated.
~Peri
censor myself so much I should evacuate before some bot camps my URL, gaining legitimacy from past contacts
had to pull back and focus on recovery, wasn't gonna let the brainglitch steal my holiday from me. wanted to enjoy it as much as I could. Nana said to buy myself something nice, I tried to. Uncle M never got to enjoy Australia, withdrawing into his head and the company of his schizophrenia
I did my best. I tried. For both of them. I tried my hardest.
Pulled back, pulled away, retreated without a word because I didn't want to jinx myself.
I don't count calories right now, haven't done so for a couple years. I don't know my weight. It's a fuckin victory I never thought I'd reach.
The first question everyone asked about my trip was how much weight I gained in the USA.
I got to say I didn't know and didn't care. (because I didn't)
The second was what it was like to be there during the election.
As a foreigner? Terrifying. Even as a pakeha. Saw the protests in New York, took refuge in a store and prayed they didn't turn violent because I've seen the escalation of violence too many times in the student riots here and saw the signs and I fought too long and too hard for that day to let some privilged upper + upper-middle-class twats ruin it for me, for my little sister.
(Who else has the time to attend a protest march on a work night with less than 24hrs notice other than the financially solvent who live on social media?)
With the way the world is going I censor myself so much online I may as well not be here. The neices are getting bigger, they have snapchat now. Their mum has a locked instagram. I've run afoul of tumblrite inquisitions and harassment campaigns several times in the last couple of years. They now go after my friends when they can 't force me to stop writing. I'm terrified they'll go after my family.
This guilt by association thing is so communist. Who are these people? The Stasi? The Kempeitai? The 'organs' of Soviet rule? The fuckin Red Guard? They certainly act like it.
So fear has forced self-censorship when really I have no fucks left to give. I prefer to spend my time crafting stories that might hiopefully, one day (in my wildest dream) be the kind of legacy I aim for.
I'm just so tired of hurting. Tired of the bullshit and pointless stupidity. I don't know why people waste their time on hearsay and rumours and drama when there is more important shit going on in the world. First World nations waste their time on celebrity gossip and the hashtag alliance of the day while the third world still starves and burns as it has always done.
I'm just so fucking sick of being manipulated.
~Peri
