Oink Oink

Currently Reading: Dragonquest, Anne McCaffrey
Listening to: The heat pump whirring
Weather: Drizzly and ick




Well, assignment number 2 is essentially complete. Yay go me!! Luxed the first floor, am catsitting a lovely white fluffy (Slightly retarded) Persian/birman cross. I started my new program at the gym. I STILL have those sodding bent-over hamstring exercises.

Ow, bruises.

Yay, hipbones.

Aren't I an accomplished little Peri today?

I feel like a fat fucking pig. Pig pig pig. Pizza is evil. I had lost weight yesterday, I was feeling soooo good, and today it's back with interest. Sodding delayed-reaction pizza, up 800 grams overnight!! It's ironic really. I feel more fat and unattractive at 60.2kg than I did at 64kg. What the hell?!

Hmm, I need a reason not to start purging. I was soooooo close to it today. I ate an ice cream I didn't really want. I had to coz I was with a friend who used to be bullimic and she's been watching me like a hawk lately. I didn't need it either, but I still had to fucking eat it. I'm still waaaaaayy fucking under calorie-wise for the day, but I still want it outoutout!!!! Get out of me foul ice cream!! Yuuuuuuck, so much sugar!! *dies*

This is my reason not to start purging. I do not want to die looking like that. I'm gonna go on my own fucking terms with all my own teeth. I'll have to suck it up and suffer the ice cream. Camouflage, maybe? Lol sneaky-sneaky EDNOS Ninja. God that sounds gross.

Aside from the disgusting fat grossness I'm feeling rather calm. Another assignment down. The Boy put forward a rather sensible idea last night that the headaches may be caused by stress. Hmmm. It wasn't so bad today, so he may be right.

Miles kept hiffing his juggling balls at me from across the hall at club tonight. God I wanna tap that!! He was looking very sexy in a black t shirt and pants that showed off his Rarotonga tan and arm muscles.

Down girl! Stop drooling!! XD

I'm NOT gonna think about how much I still have to do, or how far behind I am. I'll just freak out for no reason, and the delightful parents have deigned to grace me with their presence tomorrow night (maybe) so I can't afford a freakout.

Can I pretend I have Ebola or some other horribly contagious disease? Please?!

Eh, they'll probably forget.

My copy of Madness (By Marya Hornbacher) is at Whitcoulls. They are giving me a tiny discount coz the cover got bent during shipping. :D WHITCOULLS RULES!!!! They are so good about getting all the weird-as-shit books I order. I've only bought 2 things off the shelf there this year XD The Dunedin populace has really shit taste in books.


To Do Tomorrow:
[ ] Hand in Econ Assignment (A whole day early!!)
[ ] Talk to librarian about research topic
[ ] Return Library books
[ ] Survive parental visit
[ ] Pick up book
[ ] Keep the cats from killing eachother

That seems do-able, right?

Much love to you Pixies. Stay AWAY from the evil that is pizza.

~Peri the Piglet

A Limerick

I feel kinda guilty about being so boring, so here is a limerick I've been working on.

There is an odd girl in New Zealand,
Whose brain needs some serious healin'.
She's walked and she's thought.
To headshrinks she's talked,
and still she don't know how she's dealin'.

(Ego big enough? Quite, actually)

Ugh, I hate that kind of lazy language, but it was the only way I could get canonical rhymes for "Zealand".

Why did Abel Tasman have to be such an unimaginative, patriotic twat? He could have named this place something nice like the Maori did!! Aotearoa. The Land of the Long White Cloud.

So much nicer than "New-Blahdyblah"

I'd better go to bed. I hope this headache is just chronic sleep deprivation. It'll go away then!!

Have a good night pixies!!

~Pedantic Peri

Boring Day

I'm sitting here with a pounding head, wondering what the FUCK is going on up there. A 3 day headache accompanied by occasional nausea and increasing confusion. What is going on?!

It's not hunger, it's no dehydration. I've been drinking plenty and ate more today in case it WAS huger. Nope. It could be less coffee. It could be eye strain from sitting here on the Internet and trying to read these sodding things for my Economics assignment. About a page long summary of Monetary and Fiscal Policy in New Zealand. Lol, you can tell we've got a non-kiwi lecturer!

That summary is due on the 2nd, and my 50% research paper for Japanese is due about a week after. I'm gonna be a busy little bunny. IF I can get off my ass and motivate myself to be organised enough to do it. Are there any good suggestions for a reward for getting it finished BEFORE the due day? lol. I don't want a repeat of yesterday's freakout! I don't think I would survive it very well. SO much pressure.

Exams are soon, I haven't kept up with the work. I know it's my fault for letting it get this bad. Why do I sabotage myself like this?! AAAAAHHHH!!

Last night the neighbour's kids came round. I do NOT want to expose the girl to any fucked-up eating practises. She's at the impressionable age at the start of high school, and worships Hanna Montana and all those retarded Disney under-whores. I just ate slowly, normally. Talking my head off in between bites and taking my time. Stopped after 6 slices. (The Boy got me double-pizza, but 1/2 of that is the same size as a snack pizza) Lol I had a HUGE piece to start and then ate the smaller ones. That way I felt like a pig and didn't chow down on the whole lot. The rest of it journeyed from the fridge to the rubbish bag this morning before it went out for collection ^.^

Arm warmer #1 is almost 2 inches long. I've been knitting while I read for the Econ essay. Better get back to it. Yes I've been boring today. Meh. Drama is exhausting :p

<3

~Peri in Pain

Monday, Funday.

Well today has been a barrel of fucking laughs.

This morning I awoke to an encore of yesterday's headache. The fucker came back and bought it's mates. What greeted me when I finally hauled myself out of the nice warm blanket nest was the sight of all my origami module-balls dismembered and scattered over my bedroom. The cat got booted out while I hunted for the pieces. I think I found them all, I just hope I can work out the patterns I had the colours arranged in again *sigh*

I procrastinated on finishing up my assignment by tidying up the kitchen and doing a much-needed load of washing. It has been pissing with rain for a week now, so I'm getting rather desperate for clean clothes >.<

I'd set myself a deadline. Head down to uni at 10:30 to print and hand in this assignment. I settled down at 9:50 to work on it. . . and our ISP shit itself and died. Oh sweet fuck. I spent the next hour freaking out, crying, hurling abuse at anything I felt like blaming and trying desperately to get in touch with the Internet company and the co-ordinator for this paper.

Mother darling rang in the middle of said freak out. Wonderful. I had to deal with her on top of everything else.

I ended up talking to the course co-ordinator when I went down to Uni and handed in my fucked-up paper. Ugh.

I'm not starting on the next one right now. I'm ditching class today to read Blogger posts and watch YouTube.

I'm just so exhausted and sick of studying. Why can't my family just leave me alone?! Why do they do this 'Oh, wait we have a daughter' thing every few weeks or months and come along and merrily mess up my illusion that I don't HAVE a family?!

We went to see Nana at the rest home, and HOLY SHIT they didn't warn me that she's become significantly dottier since her last hospitalisation. She introduced me as her niece and kept mixing up me and my mum.

Grrr I wish I could find that $15 I got out when we did the food shopping. If I could I would go down to the supermarket and get cookies n cream ice cream to binge on.

Fuck ice cream, I just need a hug.

The boy wants to get Hell's pizza for tea. I'm downloading the nutritional info so I can find out the calories in the pizza. I'm doing so well today.

Hmm, if I get a half-size Gluttony (Lols) I'll still be under for the day. I hope to god he doesn't get me a full-size pizza. I'm so fucking hungry right now I'd hoe in and not stop eating until everything in the house was gone.

I'm watching Hunger Point on Youtube. The line:

"It's no use. It's my brain. It's eating me alive"

Fully describes my life.

Ugh, I'm gonna fuck off before I get mopey and emo. Gonna go do something. Start knitting some arm warmers or something.

<3

~Peri

Daylight Savings Melts My Brain

Lol, Daylight Saving was last night. Put the clocks forward and get up at 5am, not 6am!! D:

I know I should reference, I know I should format. Hmm, how about formatting tonight and referencing before handing in tomorrow? Sounds like a trade-off that will result in the minimum of screw ups.

It's me. You know there gonna be screw ups ;p

At least I finished writing this one before the due-date, lmao.

I'm going to visit Nana in her shiny new rest home with Mummy Dearest tomorrow. I didn't get invited to family dinner after all ^.^ God, that would have been painful.

I was actually scaring my co workers today with my manic, sleep deprived antics. Daylight Saving threw the customers off schedule, so it was fairly quiet. I got on top of the cabinet, the chiller AAAAAAND kept up with the dishes.

Holy fucking shit Houston. Where the hell is Peri?!

I dunno Virgil, keep an eye on Mars.

OMG speaking of Mars, on my half-hour break they were playing a double-shot of 30 Emos on Mars (30 Seconds to Mars) music videos on the staffroom idiot box (TV). Those guys (The Emo Martians) break all logic with this one:

-To increase awareness of global warming's affects in the Tweenie market, they go and film the video for "A Beautiful Lie" on location. On a freakin glacier.
-The have the audacity to state that this glacier will be gone in 10 years at the start of said video.
-At the end of the video, they state that whatever-faction of the ice shelf has disappeared in the 2 years since filming the video.

DID IT EVER OCCUR TO THEM that using a blue screen instead of transporting ALL THEIR GEAR and THEMSELVES to FREAKIN ANTARTICA would have most likely saved a good few hundred cubic meters of the ice they appeared so concerned about?!

Image-conscious hypocrites. Dipshits. Morons.

Seriously, how can they walk and breathe at the same time?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Ok, /rant Peri, /rant.

Wheee my brain just melted with kitty snuggles. I have no Idea what I was going on about. Maybe I should sleep now? Even though it's only 8:30. (It should feel like 7:30 to my body, but it feels more like 11pm.)

Nitenite, see you in the morning.

<3

~Peri the Sleepeh

Fluffybrained wafflings, Mid assignment (Or, Watch My Sanity Dissolve)

My brain is fully stalling over this assignment. I know I can do it, but I just can't squeeze anything more out of my brain at the moment. All I can get is occasional bit and drabs, nothing that is helping me get it done any faster. It's painful, like someone with a urinary tact infection trying to take a piss. Agonizing dribbles bringing no relief.

7pm, 1,181 words. It the 'Marked down if not concise' and 'Must discuss' bits that are killing me. After work I can't do anything but fluff and re-state. My self-imposed goal is to finish writing tonight. (I'm feeling too optimistic by wanting to format as well). That will only leave footnoting for tomorrow. Then print and hand in on Monday.

Then on to the next 2.

Sigh.

Hmm, I just started collecting all my references onto a Notepad file. I need atleast 4 'Academic' ones. So far 2 of the ones I've gathered are academic. . . (Wait, make that 3, I just found another I can BS in. Nope, 4??)

(Yeah, I've got Blogger open in the background as I do the sodding thing. Productive, aren't I?)

1288!! 1288!! 202 words to go!! COME ON BRAIN!! THINKTHINKTHINK!!!!

Lol to put off more word creation, I found the referencing guide. I will admire it's shiny golden glow for a while. Huh, we are expected to use Author-date, or 'Harvard Referencing' Is your ego big enough up there Harvard, or does it need some more stroking? Tough shit, you ain't gonna get it from me.

My plastic pony is sitting there staring at me. She is not very helpful with inspiring me to write stuff. Maybe that's because MLPs don't go to university? Or their target market doesn't need help in doing critical research writeups. God could you imagine that? A line of My Little Ponies aimed at students and working professionals.

7:40pm 1380 words!!! So close now. I can taste it. Raspberry jam, mint tea and candyfloss. That is the taste of my success. To be celebrated by spastic wild poi dancing to old kiwi garage rock. Lol if I'm feeling crazy enough one day I'll post a video of me freestyling to Tadpole. Fuckups, bruises, tangled poi and all. Be warned, I'm influenced more by ballet and rhythmic gymnastics than the circus. And I dance like a spaz. (Actually, my friendly local spaz dances better than I do) I need to learn some more moves. I got discouraged by stalls and isolations and kinda stuck with what I knew. Sigh.

Grrr that herbal laxative is bloating me up and making me drink like a fish. On the bright side, it finally worked!! Fuck you prunes!! Then again, prunes are preferable to a bloated bowling-ball belly :(

FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! I accidentally pasted the wrong sodding thing in the wrong sodding place. My word count is back down to 1366 from nearly 1500 (the minimum required) I could so scream right now.

Back over the 1400 mark. God I'm tired. My brain is like dehydrated orange pulp. Dry, drained with no goodies left. Does crazy count as a goody? (As opposed to a good in the economic sense. Wait, does crazy count as a good? There is a market for it, or, well for other goods and services that purportedly mitigate it. Holy shit, now there's a thesis for me!! The Economics of Insanity. MINE!! HANDS OFF!! Lol not that I'm getting into masters. You're offered in your first or second year. I haven't been)

8:26pm. 2 more words. Then I'm gonna start working out Demand and Supply graphs for an Insanity Market. Is it considered a desirable commodity from the POV of pysciatrists? I guess so, it gives them lots of money. From the POV of the crazy person? Oh god, Indifference curves of crazy. I'm wetting myself laughing at the concept.

8:30pm. 1,515 words. I'm out. Format and reference tomorrow. That's a headache for another day.

Wheeeeeee!!

~EcoPeri, a producer of insanity.


Wait, is it classed as a true good? A service? Huh. . .

EDIT:
Oh god, oh god I just found this. I can't understand German but GOD I love this!!

-Insert Cool Post Title Here-

Nothing much happened today besides assignmenting. I'm 2/3 of the way done. Another 550 words and I can call it safe to star footnoting.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH its driving me nuts!! :'(

The weather was total ass. When I saw the back fence merrily waving in the wind gusts, I decided to replace gym with more poi practise tonight. The way I dance, it burns serious calories ^.^

Ok, the buffet was fail, but not as bad as it could have been.

Mains: 6 nacho chips, 1/4 cup cheese, 2 cups of bean crap (vege nachos?) 1/4 cup pineapple, 1/2 cup carrot and about 2 cups of lettuce.

Dessert was where it got nasty.
2 cups of apple crumble, 1 cup of soft serve and 1/2 cup sweetened whipped cream.

I spread mains and desserts over 4 plates XD

I spent the whole freaking time tanking up on water and diet coke. God I just can't resist apple crumble!!

I'm working on a plan of attack for restaurants and buffets, taking tips from the 'Healthy Eating Guidelines' pamphlet the physio gave me and the awesome advice from Minaralou (<3 you bunny!! You saved me!!)




Eating Out Battle Plan. . .

1) Before you go, eat something low-cal and filling. Say, an apple, carrot and hummus or crackers with spread. This will stop you feeling so damn hungry when you get there, and you won't attack the food like a starving animal (Which we are, lol)

2) As soon as you get there, start sipping water. This will help you fill up quicker <3

3) Stupid as this may sound, if it's a restaurant meal get something at every course. Go for healthy, light options (No heavy cream soups, swap your chippies for salads). Remember, you don't have to eat all of it, but let people see you nibbling.
-AVOID THE BREAD BASKET LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!!
-Spuds are more satiating than pasta or rice. You only need 1/3 of the potatoes to feel as full as you would from a pile of rice or pasta.
-Boiled or baked potatoes are best. With chips, a rule of thumb is thick and straight cut. The more surface area to inside there is, the more fat it soaks up in cooking
-Don't forget your water or diet soda!! Don't let people pressure you into drinking booze if you don't want it. Seriously. The binge drinking culture is getting way out of control.

3) From tonight, I'd say at a buffet have your rabbit food first. It's bulky and filling. I told people I was getting the healthy crap out of the way when they commented on the plate of carrots and lettuce XD

4) With desert, if you want it, go for SMALL bowls at an all-you-can-eat. Take something you like and savour every bite. It makes it last longer and when you focus on it it stops you sliding off into cookie-monster-mode.




That is all I can think of for now. Hope this helps you on the 3rd, Jem <3 I'm so sleepy!! I couldn't find any fibre supplements so I got a 'natural herbal' laxitive at the supermarket on the way home. Bleh.

Bring on next week!!! I hate eating crappy food!!!

~<3 Peri the stuffed

Sugar Hyped Student

AAHHH this assignment is driving me around the twist. I can't concentrate and the sugar from my yummy Japanese junkfood (Kinoko no Yama) has just hit my system. I'd bounced back up at 59.9kg this morning b/c of a lack of prunes in my life and thought "Ah, fuck it" >.< (Yeah, TMI)


Lunch today was 2 slices of shoulder bacon, one free range egg and a slice of wheatmeal bread. Mmmmm yummy!! I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the % of calories I've had in fat today. *shudder* Oh well, it's FREEZING in here so I should burn more trying to keep warm ^.^ It's supposed to snow down to 500m tonight. It won't hit our place but tonight may be a rerun of last night. 2 pairs of PJs and piles of blankets and I was STILL waking up curled into a shivering, cramping ball of cold and ow >.<


I got a phone call from Dad today. He took the disapproving stance and wanted explanations and reasons. What reasons could I give him beyond "My brain is an asshole"? HOLY COW I even got an invitation to the weekly Family Dinners at their local pub!! Wtf?!


It's my friend's birthday at an all-you-can-eat buffet tomorrow night. I'm screwed. I'm just gonna have to have 2 massive calorie days this week, then suck it up and work my ass off next week. *sigh* It will only be temporary fat, Peri. You can do this. Think thin thoughts girl.


I flagged classes today to work on these assignments. I NEED to get them done! Stupid research assignments. I should start working on things like that earlier >.<


I have almost got 1/3 of the minimum required word count for the assignment due on the 28th. Sadly, referencing doesn't count towards the word limit :( AND they mark us down for not being concise. DAMN!! Padding an essay with bullshit is one of my fortes!!! XD


I'm not terribly interesting at the moment due to cold, sugar buzz and sheer stir craziness. I may brave the freezing winds for more diet fizz later. I'm out :(


This Lolcat is sharing the same facial expression that will be on my lecturer's face when he gets the email I sent him regarding a research topic. We were supposed to do that at the start of the semester. It's due on October 9. . .


FlurfulblurgenlerfulBLAH!!! That is as coherent as I can get right now. Wheeee real sugar!!
Note to self: Do NOT eat real sugar when trying to complete urgently due assignments.


Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!


~Peri who can't sit still!! :D

AAAHHHHHH FUUUUCK!!!

To Do:
[X] Go to Firedance&Juggling club
[X] Do washing
[X] Work out at Physio
[X] Go to Econ Lecture
[ ] Lux Lounge
[ ] Wash bike if sunny

I'm leaving housework for tomorrow. Sometimes if the boy sees me doing stuff it shames him into getting off his ass. Sometimes.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Mum just rang to tell me about putting Nana in a rest home today. Turns out she's been in hospital for the last few weeks and nobody thought to tell me. That doesn't bug me too much. It happens all the time and with her potassium levels I'm surprised she's made it this long. They are going to have to get her cat put down. Poor Claris. Nana hasn't been able to look after herself, let alone the cat.

Omg hen I fully put my foot in it.

Big time.

Shit.

The one thing I didn't want my parents to know, I told her.

Straight out.

No, it wasn't "I'm Bi" or "I'm trying to starve myself to death" or "I wish you'd left me at the hospital as a baby" or "I pretend I don't have a family"

It was my suicide attempts.

FUCK.

I don't know what to do now. She saw me driving down to the doctors, and I figured I'd better tell her about possible associations with the Psych Department the hospital, before her arsehole mate did.

Oh Crap.

Damn shit fuck and blast.

You know those times when you really want to go back and erase the last 15 minutes of your life and do them over? When you'd give ANYthing to be able to take back he words that just came out of your mouth?

This is one of them.

Hell, how am I gonna concentrate on this assignment now?

I want to swear and scream and cry. I want to wipe her memory. I know that right now she's gonna be telling Dad, and all hell is gonna break loose.

Hide me? Please?

I guess it was my unconscious grabbing the bit and running. I decided months ago I was sick and tired of pretending to be fine and hiding what I really am.

Now I have to live with it.

That prospect is terrifying.

~ Peri gone Barking

Busted?

At the physio I bitched about how the bent-over hamstring exercise made the edge of the seat dig into the front of my hips. (I have some nice big bruises from it >.< Stupid hip bones) The trainer, T, said "lol, eat more" I said "I do, it just goes nowhere!!" This is true. I eat more than an anorexic person, but less than someone who isn't using hunger to torture themselves. Therefore, the food really does seem to go nowhere.
T made a passing comment about metabolism and I said it was annoying.

In case he was onto me I did the rest of my weights program and GTFO. Club can make up for the missed cardio.

Holy shit I hope they aren't onto me!!! D: I was 59.6kg this morning. Buh?! I'm just gonna have to suck it up and not complain. Grrr stupid hip bones dig into things but aren't terribly visible because of my female-hormone-caused lower-ab puku. (Puku=stomach/tummy in Maori)

I'll post more tonight, after Club. Right now I have a metric fuckton of assignment reading to get through.

<3

~ Peri the Popsicle

4 Seasons in 1 Day. Yup, it's Spring

[X] Go to Japa Lecture
[X] Go to Econ Lecture
[X] Work on assignment
[ ] Workout at physio
[ ] Do washing if weather's fine.<--Weather was shite


Today it's been rain, hail, thunderstorm, fine, rain, hail etc. So, no washing. AAAHHHH I was running late to class this morning and I forgot to get my Tshirt for the gym. I got there, was half changed, realsied I couldn't workout in a bloody jersey and had to pack up and go home. Sigh.

OOOOOooooOOOOOOHHH!! Today you'd NEVER guess what I saw on the scale!!

59.8kg!!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIIIT!!!! :D

I thought I'd NEVER break 60!!

That makes, according to my calculator and lovely unit conversion website, 7.4kg or 16.3lbs lost since April 1 this year.

Freakin' sweet!

I had a bloody AMAZING restriction yesterday according to FitDay, and an above average one today. I might reward myself for that 59.8 with some of my chocolate soy McCrap ice cream. We'll see. It's too fucking cold for ice cream, and I'm too poor to afford the fudge pudding I want until tomorrow. (tiny little 1-serve hot fudge chocolate puddings. DAMMIT!! Now I want one D:


OMG I saw the CUTEST thing today!! Since it's been off-and-on pissing down since last night the Leith was all muddy and running a bit high. A pair of the ducks who live around the uni HAVE HAD BABIES!!! Yup, after class I spent fully 5 minutes watching 11 little fuzzy black and yellow ducklings swim up the Leith with Mummy and Daddy. Awwwww. I would have stayed longer but it was freezing outside today. There was still hail lying around when I went to empty the compost bin >.<


The boy FINALLY went to work today. He EVEN got off his lazy ass and cleaned up the cat-peed-on stuff. Turns out the charger for my PSP was at the bottom of the pile. It was nicely protected, lol ^.^ I'm gonna lux the lounge tomorrow (hopefully) and move some furniture so I can practise Poi inside (I don't like the neighbours watching, for some reason)

I really have nothing else to say about today besides

WWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHH I DON'T WANNA STUDY!! IT'S TOO HARD AND READING COMPANY'S BITCHINGS ABOUT EMISSIONS TRADING IS BOOOOOORING!!!!

Once again, tough shit. It ain't gonna do itself and resitting this many papers is just embarrassing.

Oooh I'm having fun with the new themes Google Chrome has invented!! My browser is black and slick with cool lights :D

To Do:
[ ] Wash bike if sunny
[ ] Do washing
[ ] Work out at Physio
[ ] Go to Econ Lecture
[ ] Lux Lounge
[ ] Go to Firedance&Juggling club

~Peri, who is chucking her textbooks down the rabbit hole


Edit: I treated myself to a nice pudding. 1serve chocolate soy crap = 90cals. Topping (Cyclops organic yoghurt, raspberry flavour) = 95cals. Under 200cals, and I still have a deficit for today. Not a great one, but I'M UNDER 60!!! WHO GIVES A SHIT!?! Now its time to load up a bunch of boring-arse articles and read them in my fort of DOOM!!

Inertia

Grrrr I haven't done anything today besides shower and go to the doctors.

The boy is home from work sick so all my usual things, like exercise, scale hopping and singing at the top of my lungs are out out out.

No study (involves singing).

The doctor is going to hunt up some counselling options for me, and may end up having to refer me to the psychiatrists at the hospital to get anything done. Fun. A whole new level of crazy.

She also wanted to do a blood test.

Um, no thanks.

Oh, I did pay the Internet bill and hunted up some 0-CAL raspberry and cola fizzy, low-cal water flavourers with vitamin supplements, and some hummus thats 50cal a serve. Sweet.

I'm also higher than what I'd like cal-count wise for the day since I'm not exercising. Sigh.

I have officially lost 7.1kg total since April 1st. Nice.

My muse had up and deserted me. I can get any further on the surprise I've been working on for you guys, because every time I sit down to work on it my brain breaks, the muse goes "Buuuuuuuuhh" and I just stare at the computer screen getting angry at myself.

Dammit I need to do this assignment that is due in ON FRIDAY!!!!! I can foresee a lot of article reading tonight. Right now I just cant sit still, and that's making me angry. I want to go out for a walk but its cold and nasty out.

Maybe a list of things to do tomorrow will perk me up. Nah, It's just making me grumpier.

Tough shit Peri!

[X] Go to Japa Lecture
[ ] Go to Econ Lecture
[ ] Work on assignment
[ ] Workout at physio
[ ] Do washing if weather's fine.

Grrrr I also don't want to eat any more today, and it's my turn to cook. Fucking hell

Maybe all the Aspartame in the fizzy is making me cranky? Quite possibly. That and it's fucking cold today. Maybe it's the boy invading my "me" time by being home all day? I think I just need to get off my ass and do something active and enjoyable. I don't want to wash the dishes, I want to chuck them into the wall.

I DON'T WANNA BE DOMESTIC TODAY!!!!!

I DON'T WANNA STUDY!!!!

I know I have to and that just pisses me off.

~Cranky Peri

Flrgfhfblargh

Well well well. 60.1kg. Not quite the 60 I wanted, but I have officially lost 7.1kg since April 1st. YEAH!!!!

I'm off to see the doctor in an hour to get my prescription refilled and to admit to being suicidal/losing weight/not sleeping etc. What are they gonna do? Charge me for psych appointments I can't afford? Up my dosage AGAIN?!

AAAHHHH!!!

All I need are the tools to fix myself!! I have a bloody good idea of what is wrong after the 4 months of therapy I got last time, and all I need is a bloody HAND!! Not some chemical training wheels but someone who'll stand beside the bike and stick a hand on my back, tell me how NOT to fall off and leave me be when I'm going!!

That was the wrong analogy, but you get the drift, right?

~Peri

All Aboard the Fail Boat!! XD

Today Kat bought up something that is giving me a little think. More about that later, first something kinda gross and twistedly funny (To me, anyway)

The Boy's cat has an annoying habit of peeing on things. She pissed EVERYWHERE when we moved in (My beanbag is folded up in the cupboard. I MISS IT!!!) She's pissed on the couch so many times I gave up and covered it with easy-to-wash $10 warehouse blankets.

This morning, she pissed all over the pile of crap (rubbish, books, clothes, towels, gadgets) the has accumulated beside the chair the boy used to sit in, before it became a clean clothes repository.

XD

It was all HIS stuff this time!!! YEAH!!!! I'm so sick of having to get my motorbike rain suit dry cleaned. I was so viciously, vindictively glad. Especially when I say one of his prized Terry Prachett books in there. I'm sure the book escaped harm, but it's going to give him one hell of a fright!

I bet my workmate $20 that he wouldn't clean it up before I got home (he came home early, sick). Looks like I won't be parting with that $20 any time soon!! *bounce bounce* It will apparently be cleaned up tomorrow. Whatever, I'm seriously considering moving out. Although, doing so will screw me financially. And quite possibly deprive me of Blogger access until New Years :'(

Work was suck. I was on salads/olives/bacon/sausages/serving the scum of the earth. Sigh, life goes on. (Hoping it doesn't for some of the tosspots I served. How can they walk and breathe at the same time?! -.-) Hot Guy is in "Peri has Leprosy" mode. I wonder if the Boy overheard me telling someone about him at the party and passed it on? Petty little bastard would do something like that. *Shrugs* Ah well, plenty of hot guys around atm. Yay Spring!!

Nearly through Wasted. I'll probably finish it tonight. Am I triggered? Oh hell yes! Do I want to end up in hospital? No so much. If I ever long to get below 55kg, someone SLAP me!! (God, why am I even considering 55? I want to look like a gymnast, toned muscle. Not a bloody bone coat-hanger like catwalk models)

Now, what Kat reminded me of was a few customers we've had recently. Sometimes I'm pretty damn sure a person had an ED, and once or twice I've known and just wanted to go up to them and give them a great big hug. (which is weird, coz I I'm not a huggy person) One really tiny girl in this massive red jacket got this look of total terror when her friends came up the the salad bar. She disappeared into produce and didn't come back until I was done serving them. I remember how her hands looked like spiders and all she had for this 10min of hunting was 2 mandarins. As soon as I saw her I just thought "That's her food for the week" God that girl needed a hug.

Sometimes people give themselves away by their actions. A mannerism, words chosen or just a flash of helpless fear. You can only tell if you know what too look for, and most people don't. I just want to let them know it's ok and I'm not judging them for being there or for what they are buying/not buying. I actually think they are horribly brave. One gorgeous skinny girl today with the most amazing blonde hair gave me this weird look. Like she knew a secret about me I didn't. Lol now I'm paranoid, wondering if she read this and saw the H&H photos. Um, hi? Lol

*Singing*
Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's coming to get me! Just say you never met me.

Aaahhh look at me fluffering on!! I'm gonna go make a cup of sleepy tea, work on the surprise and read. I want to have it up by Wednesday at the latest. There are some bits I just can't work out. Grrrr. COME BACK MUSE!!! I have no classes Monday, so I can have a nice big attack at it armed with my diet fizzy. Damn Wests, I'm fully addicted to Ice Cream Soda because of them *glare*

Have a super amazing awesome weekend, don't let cats piss on your stuff and stay the HELL off the Fail Boat!! The Boy is captaining and he doesn't have his drivers lisence. . .

<3

~Gleefully Chortling Peri



P.S GIBLETS!!!! I love that word ;p

Damn Stupid Blahs

To Do Today:
[ ] Gym with Gym Buddy <--My gym buddy had to cancel for family visits [X] Workout at physio
[Partial] Go to doctors
[X] Work on surprise for awesome skinny blogger biarches ;P
[ ] Wash motorbike
[ ] Pay bills
[ ] 1 Japanese lecture of notes
[ ] 1 economics lecture of notes

Yeah, so today was supremely unsuccessful. Meh. I'm trying to fight off an attack of The Blahs that has been hanging around since last night.

One of my mates is back from a year in Japan. I'm unendingly jealous. Man I wish I could go back!! The Boy found out she's broken it off with her Fiancée. Guess who he's gonna be hitting on next? Lol he wants me to send a friend request through Facebook. He sent one months ago but she ignored it. Grrr he is so pissing me off right now!

The scales showed me 60.3 today. Officially the lowest EVER! Why am I not excited and bouncing off the walls?! Stupid Blahs. I pushed myself at the physio this afternoon. I'm doing 20mins of cardio a session this week, upping to 30mins a session for the next 2 weeks, then 40mins on after that. I need to get used to the stuffiness, and 40mins is the most you can get away with there, period. It's just so small!! (Which is good if you get stuck or need a spotter, there are always trainers free!)

Still no appetite, so I have the most amazing restriction for today. Well, amazing for me anyway, considering I set no goals whatsoever. I had a Chew n Spit bender this afternoon. Those damn nacho chips were taunting me!! I had a dream about eating them the other night. I seriously freaked out before I realised it was a dream -.-; Now my mouth hurts so badly. I wasn't even chewing them properly, just after the flavour. Cursed cheese. I tore through the half of the huge family bag left over from dinner a few nights ago. Then I went to happy hour and had 5 mini pinkys. God they made me feel so sick, but I was getting funny looks for not diving into the pub chips like everyone else. Ow, my mouth. No popcorn tonight either.

So here I am, catching up on blogs I'm horribly behind on, and dreading work tomorrow. The only appointment time I could get for the doctors is on Monday.

I can feel The Blahs tipping over into a fall down the rabbit hole. I DON'T WANNA!!!! *kicks and screams like 2 year old* I should sit in my fort and watch Outrageous Fortune or Edward Scissorhands. I oh-so-casually mentioned to the Boy I'd been to Scribes and picked up a couple of books, so now I don't have to hide Wasted ^.^ I read weird shit anyway, so it shouldn't matter.

GrrrrRRRRRrrrrrRRRRRrrrrRRRRRrrrrrRRRRRrrrrRRRRRAAAHHH!!!!!

STUPID BLAHS!!! I just want to feel something that isn't stupid grey mopyness!! I need to get laid. So very, very badly (TMI? My dear, I don't give a fuck :p)

I don't know what time the dairy shuts, so I'm going for a walk to see if it's open and get some more gum.

Awww Ink just curled up in my lap purring his head off. I don't wanna move him!! He's so warm and fluffy :D

Catch you on the other side of work!!

~Peri the Blah



P.S I want to see 60.0kg on he scales on Monday. Is that too much to ask? 300grams isn't that much, and if I hadn't plateaued I would have seen it ages ago.

OMG INK'S BREATH IS REALLY REALLY BAD!!! What can you give cats to clean their mouths? DX

Update:
I went to the dairy, got my gum. I was cold and windy. I could see Scorpio and the Southern Cross really bright. Everything else I couldn't recognise or was covered by cloud. The frontal system coming through is giving us all wind and clouds but no rain. The neighbour's cat BoyBoy met me halfway down the street and walked me home.

I ruined my restriction. Memphis Meltdown Big Hokey. It has to be the sexiest way to eat Hokey Pokey ice cream. 347 calories of sweet and crunchy outside and smooth ice cream giblets. Tasted so good, I feel so bad. I don't want to feel bad, I want to enjoy it. I'm still under 2000cals for the day, so I shouldn't feel this crappy. I should only feel this crappy if I go waaaaay out of control and go over 2000. Oh shit, I'm mentioning numbers STOP ME!! I still consume around the 'normal' amount because of some small self-preservation instinct. That and I HATE HATE HATE being weak, angry, volatile and useless. I know how I get and I hate myself when I'm like that.

Sad thing is, that ice cream was exactly what I needed to stop my mouth feeling like I was holding an angry porcupine in it. All cool and smooshy and soothing dairy. Why the hell didn't I just go for my 90cal soy crap in the freezer?! Oh, that's right. Hokey Pokey Feh, I'm gonna write it off as momentary insanity and move on. Screw making myself feel bad about it any more. My brain does that enough by itself.


FUCK!!

Blog from the Fort

Today:
[X] Go to Japanese Lecture
[X] Set Sweet Pea seeds to germinating
[X] Buy hose to wash bike with
[X] Build fort
[X] Research for assignment
[X] Spend at least 30mins on My Econ Lab
[X] Work on surprise
[Partial] Go to Economics Lecture
[ ] Get Doctors Appointment

I also dug some potting mix into the garden and put 2 rows of carrots in, and got a 3x2 punnet of lettuce germinating beside the sweet peas. I'm going to get more cabbages this year, too. Seriously, there is nothing better than soup made with cabbages and garlic from your own garden!!

I've spent most of this gloriously sunny day feeling bloated and ick with my guts threatening rabid-weasel cramps. Thankfully, none eventuated *YUSSSS!!* On the bright side, I've had no appetite at all, so I've got a lovely deficit today ^.^ I wonder if the scales will be kin din the morning?

If I hadn't fucked up what room I was supposed to be in, I'dve made it to my Economics lecture. As it was, I did 3 sodding laps of the university (All the way down to the Polytech and back!!) before I gave up and checked online. Sodding hell, what a waste of time. But it was nice and sunny, the cherry trees down the Leith were blooming and the willows finally had leave. Pretty!!
Someone put a poster up on Sophie Elliott's tree with Weatherston's sentence on it. There also a white Anti-Domestic violence ribbon tied around it.

I'm so stoked about getting a copy of Wasted I've heard so much about it. Sadly, my cross-temporal friend of the sarcastic comments and incredibly neat handwriting stopped leaving messages on page 47. Ugh, Marya could learn a few synonyms for "Shrink"!!!

My head is rather fluffy atm. All packed with cotton wool and mist and fog. AAAHHHH I can't concentrate on anything!! I need to sleep more than I have been, lol. By the time I got home from town today the doctors were shut *sigh* I shall do some mindless note transcribing and play some PWI. DEFINITELY watch Outrageous Fortune in my Fort ^.^ No popcorn though. Bloaty-feeling removes desire for popcorn. I shall save it for a day when I can feel sinful and devilish while munching and watching. (HELP MY WRITING IS BEING POISONED!!!)

Apologies for boringness today. I has teh sleepehs -.- Your tips are a lifesaver for future binge-prevention, thankyou you ruuuuuule!!!

For Tomorrow:
[ ] Gym with Gym Buddy <--My gym buddy had to cancel for family visits [X] Workout at physio
[ ] 1 Japanese lecture of notes
[ ] 1 economics lecture of notes
[Partial] Go to doctors
[ ] Wash motorbike
[ ] Pay bills
[X] Work on surprise for awesome skinny blogger biarches ;P

Have a night&day full of unbridled awesome!!

~Sleepy Peri in the Fort

Random Joy Spasm!!

Ok, I'll post properly tonight, but I just HAD to share with the world an amazing stroke of luck.

I've been trying to get Wasted out of the library without placing a hold for months now. Lol I don't want a track of more weirdness than I've already had out there.

ANYway, I just went into Scribes (awesome 2nd hand bookstore near Uni). Wandered around, and my eye happened upon an unassuming lime green book spine.

It was Wasted!!:O

I had a flick through, and some helpful person has underlined bits and written comments in the margin.

It's like a message in a bottle from someone a million miles away in time and space, who somehow knows you will be there and leaves a message for you.

Lol, I'm all spacey from my lovely deficit today, and all the walking around campus I did in this lovely weather.

More later, I'm going to go slip a certain wee book out of my bag and sit down to read with my cup of tea.

Love you!! Thankyou for the tips last night <3

~Overjoyed Peri

Y=C+G+ Awww fuck it!!

So, how well did I do today?
X=Done!!

To Do:
[X] Gym in morning
[X] Gym in afternoon
[X] Put soil in sink for planting Mint
[X] Finish another 1.5 Econ lectures of notes
[ ] Go to Economics Lecture
[ ] Set Sweet Pea seeds to germinating
[ ] .5 JAPA235 lectures of notes
[ ] Start BSNS201 research assignment due in, oh, 2 WEEKS!!

Ouch, fail. 50%= a C-? Technically I did 2 lectures of notes for Econ, because one lecture was only about 5 slides long, lol. I counted that as my half. I did manage to turn the garden today, so that counts in place of sowing the Sweet Peas. On my way to the lecture I ran into a friend who I only see about once a month, so we had a good yack and I followed her home to chat up her cute flatmate ^.^ He's a DJ who's helping me cut Breathe Me by Sia so I can try my hand at choreography.

My brain has just been ass-fucked by the extreme amount of maths theory I subjected it to in the last 1.5 hours >.< Stupid growth economics. I will not be terribly eloquent or interesting tonight. Last night Blackboard went down for maintenance at the same time the PWI servers went down for weekly maintenance. No study, no MMORPG. I'm reading depressing books at the moment, so I cranked out my tablet and started drawing a surprise on Photoshop. :p Not telling you what it is. You're just gonna have to wait and find out!! My weight has definitely stalled (60.7kg this morning), so I made the most of both gym trips today. In total there was bout 15-16km of running on cross trainers during the cardio bursts. Oooh I'm nackered!! Since I cooked last night and today was Fend-For-Yourself Wednesday I managed some nice restrictions as well. If I have a good day restricting, the next day I get horrible munching urges. I'm looking the scale, it's not moving. The desire to say "Fuck this, it isn't working anyway. I'm getting pizza/maccas/chips" is overwhelming. Add to that, I got paid so I could indulge those urges.

FUCK THAT SHIT.

I haven't gone through all this to give in now.

Tomorrow, I'm building a fort. I'm going to get some low-cal microwave popcorn and sit in my fort eating popcorn and watching Outrageous Fortune. (On TV they are up to season 5. Thanks to work I'm still on season 2. I love DVDs!!)

I haven't built a for in over 10 years, so this is gonna be fun. I might blog from the Fort too.

Wheeeeee!! Fort Blogging!! :D

To Do (for tomorrow)
[ ] Go to Economics Lecture
[X] Go to Japanese Lecture
[X] Set Sweet Pea seeds to germinating
[X] Buy hose to wash bike with
[ ] Get Doctors Appointment
[X] Build fort
[ ] Research for assignment
[ ] Spend at least 30mins on My Econ Lab
[X] Work on surprise

That last one is there just to piss you off :p

Love from math-crazed brain!!
~Peri

Ink also gives love, purrs and drooly headbuts

EDIT: Sigh, minor binge. By minor I mean exactly 8 crackers with Marmite on them, and a strong cup of Chai Tea. I managed to stay away from the nacho chips sitting enticingly on the bench. Lovely how Irma greets you with a different craving each month. Maybe that's why I have been obsessed with pizza today? *sigh*

According to Fitday I still have a deficit going on, just a fucking tiny one now. It's hopefully bigger than it looks, coz my protein shake was a lower-cal variety than I had entered and I was too lazy to put in another one. I also worked up one hell of a sweat turning the garden (That shit was packed HARD by all the rain we got!!) and didn't enter those cals in. . .

If I'm not hit by cramps this time, I'm back to the gym or walking for at least 2 hours on the hills around here tomorrow.

Does ANYONE have any ideas for beating a salty/savoury food craving WITHOUT having heaps and heaps of calories? I'm desperate here!! :'(

<3

Instantaneous Fragmentation

Ah, don't you love euphemism? Somehow in a few short words we manage to capture the hypocrisy and downright scummyness of the upright ape.

I heard those 2 words and thought 'THAT has to be a blog title!' I was watching a lovely TV series called "What's really in our food". God I love it!! It has put me off of so many things! Today, sadly it re-affirmed my love of eggs and the conviction I could never give up those little protein, VitD, VitE, B12 power reactors. 2 poached on a slice of wheat bread will be my new fuel for a day with hardcore exercise planned. With coffee, of course! Oh GOD that Cookies-n-Cream flavoured plunger coffee is sinfully good!!

"Instantaneous Fragmentation" is a little euphemism used to refer to one of the 2 methods used to cull unwanted male chickens on NZ battery farms. The other option is lethal gas. In the words of the bigwig being interviewed by Blonde Tart tonight: "It's basically a very fast moving blade"

Today I failed at getting to class. This was because I went downstairs to find that the Boy had conveniently forgotten, for the second week in a row, to take out the rubbish. (Flat deal: He does rubbish, I do recycling. Recycling needs to be sorted/flattened/peeled/tied. Trash doesn't) It took me 3 sodding trips to get it all out D: Lol THAT put me off breakfast!!

After my weights session I managed 14km on the cross trainer before the stuffiness of the physio got to me. I don't know about you, but I can't go as hard at cardio when it's hot or stuffy. I don't like passing out or chucking while working out :( It really kills the endorphin buzz.

SWEET!! I just organised with my gym buddy for a really early morning workout tomorrow. Aaaand I booked the physio for tomorrow afternoon *Sneaky ninja music* Oh god I have to work on my thighs!! Stupid bloody hamstrings, grumble grumble.

In angry-making news, Clayton Wetherston, general asshat and tweaked murderer of Sophie Elliot was sentenced to a minimum 18 years without parole. I believe this was supposed to be 1 month for every stab wound. (Are there 216 months in 18 years? I suck at maths). I sincerely hope that he does not survive to parole. (I think someone gang-related put a price on his head during the trial) If I ever see him in the street he is one person I wouldn't think twice about going for his eyes. You could see in the trial that he'd completely lost it a long, long time ago.

The other person is the guy who murdered my cousin. I would, in all honesty, want to tear his throat out with my teeth for what he did to her. Problem is, he wouldn't understand why I want to. People like those two are mad dogs. When a dog goes mad or turns sheep killer you don't tie the bastard up in a warm kennel and feed him for a week before letting him out again. You shoot it.

GGGRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!

Enough thinking about scum. It's only pissing me off for no good reason.

Right: Goals list for tomorrow. I figure if I make a to-do list for each day I can stay motivated to get shit done, and work out what goals are/aren't achievable in the set time frame. I apparently have a problem with setting unrealistic goals and beating on myself for not achieving them. Go figure!

So.
To Do:
[X] Gym in morning
[ ] Go to Economics Lecture
[X] Gym in afternoon
[X] Put soil in sink for planting Mint
[ ] Set Sweet Pea seeds to germinating
[X] Finish another 1.5 Econ lectures of notes
[ ] .5 JAPA235 lectures of notes
[ ] Start BSNS201 research assignment due in, oh, 2 WEEKS!!

That should be more than enough achievement for one day. Any more than that and I'd explode.

(Not hat I think for a second I'm going to get through all of that. . .)

Thank you so much for the comments on my outfit yesterday. I'm still cringing at the thought of showing that much flabby flesh on the Internet. >.< Bikini models show more though, right? (Though less flab)

Best Skinny Bitch Wishes Pixies!!
~Peri

H&H Photos!! (&rambling)

Wow, today I actually got off my ass and went to uni. Even chatted up a cute guy when I was dressed like a total slob!! (Long sleeve T-shirt and scruffy old cargo pants) Musta been the weather. (it was lovely until about 4:30pm, then the winds picked up to gale-force gusts)

It was such a nice day I even put on my gardening gloves and burnt an assload of calories by digging through one of the 3 compost bins on this property to find the old ceramic sink allegedly buried in it. I found it, several bricks, a nice piece of wood or 2 and an old spade handle. I used the bricks to prop up the sink (I'm gonna plant mint in it, coz mint takes over your garden quick smart). I'm planning to use the spade handle and some old fridge guts to grow sweet peas up. Lol, pity I'm moving out in December!!

I found out the due dates for my next 2 big assignments, booked the gym tomorrow, and generally tried to be an organised little bitch. If the Boy hadn't cooked I even would have had a respectable restriction for the day. As it is, it's a pathetic one. Sigh.

I've officially plateaued, and it blows. The stockings I wore on Saturday were stay-ups, so they made me painfully aware of just how much fat there is left on my thighs. I'm thinking about trying for 58kg, since I've been stuck at 60.something for about 2 weeks now.

I had a nice moment after class today. My friend was having a really shitty day, so I promised to visit her at work after class. I walked in to get something so I could go through her checkout.

First aisle. . . Protein shakes, nah, I have enough of those. Maybe coffee?. . .

Stomach rumbling, have to walk past biscuits to get to coffee. . .

My eyes slid towards the Tim-Tams. On special, hmmmm. . .

I only had the moment's consideration on "Huh, special" Before the mental image of 8 Blogger pixies flashed into my head and said:
"Seriously?! You want THOSE?! What about that coffee plunger in the cupboard all dusty and lonely"

I went: "You're right!!" walked PAST the choccy bikkies and picked up some cookies-and-cream flavoured plunger coffee (Still with a low cal count) and 2 sugar free lollipops.

You guys rule!! :D

I didn't find out until I got home that those Sugar free cuntsacks had 30cals a pop!! Sigh. NOT gonna be getting those again!!

Right, time for photos!!

First off, my Wings!



"I'm about to bite you" Smile

(Thats not urine in my cup, it's diet ice cream soda and Vodka!0.0)


I stole the Auctioneer's hat! :D



I like my arms in this pic, hate the legs!

This is actually the only photo from the whole night where my eyes are open. For some reason whenever people take photos my eyes are alwyas shut.

You can see why I felt bummed that I couldn't pull a guy while dressed like a total whore (miniskirt+fuck me boots+fishnets+corset=some odd cross btw 1800s+1980s prostitutes) But hey, I don't begrudge my gay friend in the slightest if he managed to pull Sheep. And I'm so gonna give it my all next time!!

Ugh, all I can see is my hideous chin (it always looks like a double-chin coz of my square face) and he muffin coz my left boob is a whole cup size bigger than the right. I'm gonna go make a cup of tea and study. (Mmmm peppermint tea. . .)

Much love to the pixies from a fallen angel

~Peri

Hangovers

Fuck I was in a mess last night.

Broken into tiny bits on the bottom of the rabbit hole.

I'm getting really sick of doing that!

Need some stronger glue, or some No.8 wire.

Hangovers blow. How the hell I could get that drunk on 200mls of vodka is beyond me. (Meds? Faster metabolism? Sleep Deprivation? Corset? Less body fat? Who knows!!)

I rang the GP to see if they were open today. Since I got the Urgent Doctors instead, I figured not. I'm gonna ring them tomorrow to make an appointment.

The Boy left the party really early, just after the Slave Auction (An annual event to raise money to keep the society running. People auction themselvesfor housework/cooking/typing skills/drinks fetching) Since I am Dictator, I had to be auctioned. At $76 I was the most expensive person sold. The person who bought me wants another agent (A girl who is being a bitch to her Ex that my "Slave Master" has a crush on) executed as my Slave Duty. Easily done, thank God!!

The Boy was the second cheapest, at $21 XD The sulks!!

Man, it was an expensive evening for me. I bought 3 people >.< When the Boy got home he moved his computer into his bedroom. Probably because when I left it looked like I was going to pull Sheep (Really cute guy Boy used to flat with) and he didn't want to see us go past when he was playing WoW. I didn't end up getting Sheep. He is Bi and was really digging one of my gay mates who needs a good shag more than me. I'll get him one day, I hope. He is showing more of an interest each time we hang out. I called in sick to work today. Big surprise. The boss was really pissed. I'll get her a fucking medical certificate. On another subject, Undie 500 people have once again fucked the credibility of my academic institution up the arse. Here is the latest hype spewed out of the local Media Engine over the fracas on Friday and Saturday down Castle Street.

I also found a bit of amateur video from last night. Sodding hell!! Hear he glass crunch under the tyres!! I may just walk down to class tomorrow, to save my tyres. Sadly, local ratepayers have to pay for the clean up. Those little shits should have to do it for community service.

The tutors wonder why I hate group work so much!!

As soon as I get photos of last night off M I'll post them up. The wings were getting a little worse for wear by the end of it. I'd ditched the halo after it got soaked in bourbon, and I caned my wrist with the handcuff when I whacked my arm on a wall. Fuck it hurts!! (Note to self: Stop poking it and it will hurt less. You'll notice if it falls off, you don't need to keep checking it!!)

I had BOTH kittehs curled up on my bed last night. It was nice and warm.

LOL!! I just ran "PeriAdot" through an anagram generator, and guess what came out?

"A DIET PRO!!!!"

Wtf?

Have a sexy skinny night wherever you are! Say away from spirits if you are tightlaced, ok?

~ Pieces of Peri

at the end of me...

i dont want to be here right now. I wish I was in one of the hot guys beds for once.

sorry, I'm drunk and I don't want to be here anymore.

all of the guys I want don't wnt me, and the guys I don't want are all nice like the brothers I wish i'd had.

oh god I want to die right now. I have around 30-odd OTC painkillers in my drawer. less tham 4m away.

Help me please.

I can't stand the thought of going to work tomorrow. I know they are going to be screwed without me, but I just can't stand it.

I tried to leave my wings behind. Someone noticed.

I dropped my dictators badge instead. Hopefully someone gets the hint.

I shut Ink out of the room.

Someone bust one of the plastic Warehouse ornaments my little bro used to get for me.

Right now I'm kindasad about it ,but mostly I don/t care.

I can't believe I got myself out of my corset. A.B tied it and he's really good at it.

Can I go now?Please? I dont want to just disappear but I don't want to hurt you guys either. Fuck I so shouldn't drink..

God its hard to read the spellchecker when you are bawling, Im so sorry.

I'm gonna resist the urge to shot the rest of my vodka with all the pills I can find. I think I have enough Omeprazole and ibuprofen/that-American-painkiller-used-for-heart-problems-star-ASPIRIN to kill me right now. Especially with vodka and whiskey and mead. I'm trying for you and my kitty.

(Your pic here)
and this guy


"I cling to your promise, there will be a dawn" - Superchick

the song "So damn beautiful" by Poloroid

31 asprin, I have. It's written on the box what they are.

"I need you to know, I'm not through the night. I'm still fighting to walk towards the light"-Superchick

"What do you think of me, are you quite proud of the make believe curtain that hangs aroung everything you can admire int his girl" - Poloroid.

I'm rambling and I can't stop. This keyboard to you is a lifeline for me. How do I tell my boss that I cant come in to work co I was up all night after a party, drunk and trying like fuck not to kill myself?

Is it just me or is "Untouched" by the Veronicas fully an Ana song? It fully describes how I am in my head right now. I need to get laid but I'm so broken inside I can't fathom any guy actually wanting me in any sexual capacity.

Thankyou for keeping me alive.

"Breathe me" by Sia.

Help, I have done it again. I have been here many times befo-oh-ore. Be my friend/hold me/wrap me up/unfold me/I am small/ and Needy/ Wrap me up and Breathe me" - Sia

Oh god, welcome to the head space of a suicidal clinical depressive. Not a nice place to be.



(Copy/past url. I'm too drunk to embed. Who woulda thought? Right now 2 girls and several guys could have me by crooking their little finger)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XxfD0O4kn8&feature=channel_page
Please watch this video. This person inspired me so much. Z, I wish you the best forever and ever.

Oh god, I can't go now. "Talia" will be all alone at ACDC. I can't do that to her. I just can't.

I'm going to regret this stream of consciousness BS tomorrow, but I'm sick of lying. I'm sick of hiding and pretending. In the words of Phillip Mann,

"Here I am, Warts and all!"

(From The Eye Of The Queen. I grew up listening to and LOVING that radio play. It has shaped my thinking in so many weird ways)


Here I am, 30mins longer than I thought. I have you to thank for that. Fuck, if anything there are some HAWT photos of my wings to post when I get them of "M" for you. At least, to my tight-laced, drunken perceptions, they were good pics.

"The best I can do is just get through the day" - Superchick

"Someday I'll hope again" (-Superchick)

??? Will I? God I hope my boss understands. it's 2:40am right now and I start work at 7:30am today. I can't do it. I need to get my head sorted.

"Please someone just shut me off and fix me" - Paraphrased from JTHM by Jhonen Vasquez.

Huh, I just realised I had a blue glowstick shoved down my cleavage most of the night.

Ink is panicking outside, I let him in so now I'm gonna sleep normal drunken sleep, not perfect sleep of drugged forever oblivion.
Lol, he just jumped on my shoulder and smooched over me like I'm a jungle gym or something.

Goodnight.

"You should know, you're not on your own/these secrets are walls that keep us alone/ I don't know when, but I know now, together we'll make it through somehow."

". . .make it through somehow"
_Superchick, Courage

~Peri, who's still here.

Feathers and Hot Glue

Wow, I don't know what to say.

You guys are amazing and I love you to bits!

I'm sorry for putting you through all the shit that was going through my head last night. I'm gonna be really glad when I'm out of this flat with no douche bag Boy being a wanker and I can pass on leadership of KAOS. (Lol I just had to add "Wanker" to the spell checker dictionary) Bring on 2010!! ACDC and a new flat!!!
First; Replies.

SBB:
KAOS stands for Killing As Organised Sport. It is a society spread throughout most NZ universities (Mainly Wellington, Christchurch and Otago). We have a social corner on campus, awesome costume parties and attack each other with water guns, paper swords and assorted foam weaponry during sanctioned Killing Rounds and Battles. click here for linkage to the Otago Page

Jem:
Nooooo I didn't want to make you sad too!! :( *Hugs!!* A schedule is a good idea! Thankyou! ^.^

Sophia:
I'll try to be strong and get revenge on that bitch on Saturday. . . Muahahahaa!!

Wry:
Hmm, I'm gonna try your bedroom trick. We have wireless so there's NO excuse for me to stay this close to the kitchen!!



Last night the Boy threw a hissy fit when I asked if he could make sure the doors were locked before he went to bed (The neighbour's roomie is a bit dodge) so I went upstairs and had a cry and a pillow-punching pity party with Korn turned up really loud. I felt so much better afterwards!

Seeing all your comments this morning absolutely floored me.made me get off my ass and go to the gym before meeting my mate for our weekly coffee and rant session. We had a good slagging off of guys in general and The Boy in particular, and she told my about her hot new guy. He's a blonde Goth with snakebite piercings. Mmmm I love Goths. That gets me into a lot of trouble at times >.< I had major gym success!! After 3 years of working on my hideously weak triceps I can now almost do them without support from the machine!! YES!! I also increased my weight for Heel Strikes too ^.^ Those are two of my worst exercises. Ooooh yeah!!

I went shopping for my Heaven and Hell costume today. I'm going as a fallen angel, (appropriate in so many ways) so the costume is:
-My black corset
-Grey pleated miniskirt or White miniskirt
-Knee-high black platform boots
-Black fishnet stockings and gloves
-Fluffy Halo
-Broken handcuffs as bracelets (I got lots of fluffy handcuffs for my 21st o.O)
-$2 shop fairy wings with coloured feathers, fake flowers, black lace and shiny kids rings stuck to them. They are about 1/2 done atm coz I'm out of glue gun glue. God they look awesome!!
I'm gonna get more glue and feathers on pay day to re-do the wings properly. I am so going to post pictures for you guys, just so you can see the wings!! They look like the bastard offspring of a feather duster and a craft shop!

Note to self: Crafty shit is fun. Do it more often.

I have a small bottle of my favourite vodka for tomorrow night. I'm out of gum so when I go to the Dairy later I'm gonna see if they have any diet Ice Cream Soda flavour fizzy. God I love that flavour!! The person who invented vanilla flavoured fizzy deserves a medal!! Also, the person who invented Vodka is a god in my book.

I'm gonna head off before I start blathering on about nothing.

Have an amazing skinny weekend!!

~Peri

EDIT:
Just got back from the dairy. It's an amazing night, warm and breezy. On the corner of the street petals are piled along the fences like snow. You can hear frogs chirping from he house with the pond. At the dairy as well as my gum and diet Ice Cream Soda I got a 250ml V8 and a single scoop ice cream. I drank the V8 and chucked the ice cream in the bin as soon as I was out of sight of the shop. Am I proud of my strength tonight or worried at where this is taking me? I truly did not want the ice cream, but the 2 ladies working tonight know me and would think it very odd if I didn't get one on such a warm night. I am confused.

I think I will be proud that I didn't eat the ice cream. It makes me feel sleepy and ick. Sleepy I want; ick I don't.

<3

Insert Title Here. . .

Bleh, right now I feel like I can't do anything properly, and I have no motivation to try whatsoever.

Last night I was reminded that there is a costumed birthday party for one of the members of KAOS this weekend.

Now, last party we had, the flat we were having it at turned around a week beforehand and said that they couldn't host it, because of dancing club engagements. Me being head of KAOS at the moment, the members of the Politburo left it to me to find a venue.

Within 2 hours I had replied to them saying I had found a free function room at a local pub (Whose owner knows nd likes us) and secured cheap-as-chips drinks, since we couldn't BYO booze.

3 days before the party I received a mass txt and email to the effect that the party venue had been shifted to another person's flat. Without telling me.

Now, if they had come to me with their valid and no-so-valid complaints, I would have sat down and talked with them about it. As it was, a spoiled Daddy's Girl who is used to getting her own way in EVERYTHING decided she didn't want to drink at a pub, tyvm. She went to the element of the society that just LOVES to cause trouble, invented a whole bunch of BS and sicced them on me.

To cut a long story short, sides were taken, hate mail & phone calls were received, and we stayed with my venue. That was the first, and to date ONLY thing I have done as Dictator for a society I love and wanted to rebuild after 3 years of crappy running.

I now want nothing to do with it whatsoever. I have been a part of it for the last 4 years and made amazing friends and awesome memories, and I now no longer want to be a part of it. All because of a spoiled girl who acts like a child, and a 37 year old man who needs very desperately to get a life. (This guy rang me to abuse me at 11pm before a 7am start at will beat the shit out of him, if I don't get there first)

The prospect of going to this girls flat on Saturday makes me want to cry and hide somewhere small and dark. She was the instigator of the last bout of shit. Her Fiancée was very good at trying to open lines for communication. Sadly, any respect I gained for him over that incident vanished + interest when I found out he's been having a rather long affair with another friend of ours. He actually gets jealous when she flirts with guys, and he has no right to. (I'm angry at HIM, not HER. I love that girl to bits and I'd rather he screwed around with someone who was aware of the situation than someone who wasn't. If he doesn't want to be with his future wife he should have the balls to just end it and not try to have his cake and eat it too)

I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with my weight atm. I think I've plateaued at around 60.5kg :( I'm near my goal and I don't know what to do when I reach it. I've still got fat deposits I want to get rid of, but I don't want to lose any muscle mass. I did go to the gym for a weights session today ^.^ I have you guys to thank for that. I didn't want to report more failure in a week of fail.

Haven't been to class yet this week. So much for turning over a new leaf. The thought of going outside with all those people is terrifying. I don't WANT to interact!! Piss off and leave me alone!! I haven't even done any study today :'(

Maybe I'll go to bed now and try to sleep. Lay there waiting for the sandman to creep in. Damn pixie hasn't been showing up much again lately.

~Peri


EDIT:
Binge. Fuckfuckfuck. Stop me, tie my hands, tape my mouth shut, blindfold me, ANTHING!!! I am a hopeless monster hoovering everything unhealthy in sight. Oh god I want to cry. Frozen toffee pops, so good. Corn chips taste like cardboard but MOREMOREMORE,NOWNOWNOW!!! I want it all. Feed me feed me FEED ME!!!! Give me all the decadence that is food. Give me sensation, sweetness and salt, crunch and smooth. Chewy stuff catching on tongue bar. Dropping crumbs oh FUCK!! I'm so tired and sad the only comfort I can find is in food. God I'm disgusting myself right now. Sabotage, thy name is Peri. Oh fuck me. Where is the light now when the devil inside reaches clawed hands up to squeeze my brain?

Growl

Today is one of those days. So far, at least.

Alarm woke me up in the middle of a dream where Hot Guy had come to a party I was at and we were snuggling up in the corner. (No kissing coz of potential Glandular Fever. FUCK WHY DIDN'T I REALISE IT WAS A DREAM AND YOU CAN'T CATCH IT IN DREAMS!!??!? God I'm a tard!!)

Woke me up to tooth pain and going to class.

Fuck class, fuck my wisdom teeth. I've had 2 out already b/c they were preventing the bottom 2 from "Erupting", as the dentist put it. Charming mental image that. I have images of pus and Mt Kilauea in my jaws. Ick.

I have no desire whatsoever for social interaction today. Couldn't sleep last night because we have a KAOS function for someone's birthday, and as Dictator I HAVE to go. I don't want to. These are the same people who left a decision about the last party up to me. I sorted I out and since they didn't like it they went behind my back and got really underhanded about it. I'll explain the full situation later. Suffice to say I want nothing to do with this ever again.

Fuck everyone, they can all fuck off and die.

Except you guys of course!! :D

Hmm, I can't actually open my mouth far enough to get more than a teaspoon of muesli in at a time. WIN!! This serving will last me until 12pm at this rate. . . Can I just live on coffee and Chai for the rest of my life?

In the long run, not going to class will bum me out more than actually going. Sod it, I'll borrow notes of people there. I'll PAY for them!!

I'm gonna crank Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit (HATE Durst, LOVE that song!!) and read your lovely blogs.

Fuck uni. I'll study here instead then head to the physio. I need the exercise and the endorphins to cut the pain.

Growl.

~Peri

Meandering

My body is demented.

Yesterday: 61.4kg

Today: 60.4kg

1kg in 1 day is most definitely water weight.

Growl. I hate water weight fucking with my head!!

Last night I had a creeping worry that the intense chocolate cravings were an early warning of Irma's visiting. I have learned that if I do not obey the whims of my pre-menstrual body, no matter WHAT disgustingly fatty thing I am craving, it will punish me with cramps so bad I pass out. (This has caused embarrassing moments at work -.-;)

Instead of sinking to the level of scarfing the rest of the pinkies and heading to the Dairy for ice cream, I hauled my chocolate-flavoured soy ice cream out of the freezer. Only 90cals a serve but it tastes like 300 ^.^ Thank god I remembered it in time!!

My Gym Buddy has worked 9 days straight, so we didn't end up working out today. Instead I used the chance to sleep in and booked he physio for after class tomorrow morning. AAAAHHHHH I need to exercise soon!! I'm going out of my mind!!

I hit all he red lights I possibly could on the way to Uni today, so I ended up having coffee with a friend instead of going to class. Oops XD The lecturer for that paper will not let us in late. Sigh.

Ugh I'm exhausted and my wisdom teeth are killing me. I'm gonna try to study some more tonight. I want to PASS Econ202 this time around!! :'(

Love,

~Peri




*Yawn* *OW!*

Cravings (3rd on Day of Many Posts)

Right now I'm craving sweet things real bad. Not just fruit or sweet-tasting tea, but refined sugar. Ice cream, chocolate bars, candy, fizzy drink. I want it. I want it all and I want it now. In my mouth, on my tongue, stuck between my teeth. Sheer sensual delight.

Ugh.

I know it's not from thirst because since my massage this morning (I re-booked for today) I've been chugging down water like a man dying of thirst. This is supposedly b/c all the shit and chemicals released by the physio beating my muscles into submission needs to be flushed out, or it will hang around and fuck me up again quickly.

Whatever. I just LOVE not being in pain! *Waves arms madly coz I CAN!!* :D

Noooo!! Now theres lolly ads on TV!! :'( Someone help me, please?

I had 1 mini Pinky bar and a cup of peppermint tea after dinner. 55cals extra. That's all the sating my sweet craving will get.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

FUCK CRAVINGS!!!

FUCK THEM I SAY!!!

WITH A 10-FOOT RUSTY POLEAXE!!!

*Gasp*


. . .


So what did I achieve today besides hopeless cravings and sore-toed fatassery?
-Got my massage
-Planted pretty flower bulbs (Iris and Gladioli) in an ugly, weed-infested garden in front of our flats. Now the neighbours will have something pretty besides Dandelions and a rather sick-looking fuchsia to look at next year.
-Got 2 loads of washing done!! Yay for sunny spring days!! *Snuggles into washing pile in fits of ecstasy, displacing snoozing kittehs*
-Actually studied!! Holy fucking shit dude!! A bit on catch-up on the Econ lecture notes I missed. I have to get my shit sorted with uni ASAP.
-Organised with my Gym Buddy to go to the university gym tomorrow for cardio. I'm gonna push it real hard. Or, as hard as I can when my muscles feel like slightly stiff jelly.

Well I'm gonna go. I've spent far to much time on Blogger today, lol.

Have a sexy skinny night!

<3

~Peri-the-Fatass

Random Quiz (Day of many posts, Bite me)

I stole this from SBB. Coz she's awesome. :p So stalk her blog. NOW!

I looked at the clock and realised I'm not gonna make it to my morning class. So much for turning over a new leaf! If I'm doomed to be fat, I may as well be a failure too. (Zilla and Kong both in accordance. How odd. . .)

Random Survey
I AM...
[ ] anorexic
[x] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[x] thirsty
[ ] drinking something
[ ] Under 100lbs
[ ] starving yourself
[ ] participating in a fast

PEOPLE...
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[x] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[x] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[ ] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I WISH...
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[ ] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[ ] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE...
[x] feeling hungry
[ ] seeing a difference when fasting
[ ] shaking
[ ] being weak
[x] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE...
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4. I am 5"4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes
[x] I have many scars
[ ] I tan easily
[x] I wish my hair was a different color
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
[ ] I have a tattoo
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance
[ ] I had braces
[x] I wear glasses
[ ] I wear contacts
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger
[x] I have more than 2 piercings
[x] I have piercings in places besides my ears
[x] I have freckles

FAMILY...
[x] I've sworn at my parents
[x] I've run away from home
[x] I've been kicked out of the house
[x] My biological parents are together
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old
[ ] I want to have kids someday
[ ] I've had children
[ ] I've lost a child

EMBARRASSMENT...
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation
[x] Disney movies still make me cry
[x] I've peed from laughing
[x] I've snorted while laughing
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose
[ ] I've had my trousers rip in public

RELATIONSHIPS...
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged
[ ] I'm married
[x] I've gone on a blind date
[x] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper
[ ] I miss someone right now
[x] I have a fear of abandonment
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship

SEXUALITY...
[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher
[ ] I am a cuddler
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain
[x] I've hugged a stranger
[ ] I have kissed a stranger

HONESTY...
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't
[x] I've snuck out of my house
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I've cheated while playing a game
[ ] I've cheated on a test
[ ] I've been suspended from school

BAD TIMES...
[x] I've consumed alcohol
[ ] I drink regularly
[ ] I can't swallow pills
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset
[x] I take anti-depressants
[x] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[ ] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose
[ ] I'm addicted/ have been addicted to self harm
[x] I've woken up crying
[x] I've lost weight
[x] I've gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.
[ ] I'm at my thinnest
[ ] I'm at my biggest
[x] I've lost weight and kept it off
[x] I've lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[x] I weigh myself daily
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[ ] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I'm hungry
[ ] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I've skipped a meal
[x] I've thrown food away
[x] I've spit food out
[x] I've fasted
[ ] I've taken diet pills
[x] I've used laxatives
[ ] I've purged
[ ] Bulimia
[ ] Orthorexia
[x] Over-exercising
[ ] Binge eating
[x] I exercise
[x] I exercise so I can eat
[x] I work out secretly
[x] I work out daily
[x] I exercise to counteract eating
[ ] I've fainted from exhaustion

I'VE DONE...
[x] Weed
[ ] Cigarettes
[x] Alcohol
[ ] Diet pills
[x] Pain killers
[x] Anti-depressants
[ ] Ecstasy
[ ] LSD
[ ] Mushrooms
[ ] Speed
[ ] Cocaine

<>OTHER QUESTIONS
[x] I keep my eating habits a secret
[x] I have an ED blog
[x] I look at thinspo
[x] I collect thinspo
[x] I condone pro-ana/mia sites
[x] I count calories
[x] I've had negative intake days
[x] I avoid food
[ ] I hate food
[x] I love food, it's a love/hate relationship
[ ] I want to be this way
[x] I don't want to be like this
[x] I wish I could have more control
[x] Being thin is my top priority sometimes
[ ] I don't want to get better
[ ] I am in treatment
[x] I'm doing this for me
[x] I'm doing this for someone
[x] I'm doing this to prove myself
<3


Wow, I feel so anal-retentive after copy/pasting all that coding crap! 0.0

Lol I have 6 piercings, 4 in my ears, 1 tongue and upper navel, I'm going on the waiting list for my first tattoo tomorrow.

I occasionally take a LOT of painkillers for my shoulder. I tried to OD on them so many times I can take almost a whole packet of over-the-counter junk and not feel a thing. Weed is now the only thing that can cut the pain, but I DO. NOT. LIKE. IT.

My mum threw me out of the house one day in a rage. Looking back I can figure that this was one of the times she didn't have enough spare change to get weed. I walked to my grandparent's house in my stocking feet. I nearly cried when Grandpa took me back home. (But you know me and crying. I'd cried enough on the hike over there)

I've only fasted for the 40 Hour Famine. Living off orange juice and barley sugars doesn't count as a fast. I'm thinking about trying a 1-day fast and doing a salt water flush one day soon. I can only do 1 day because of the boy. Wednesday would be a good day, it's fend-for-yourself night. . .

Should I even pretend to accomplish shit today? Yeah, maybe, nah, who knows?

ARGH!!

FUCK!!

What a wonderful start to the day.

I hopped on the scales and I've gained .8kg overnight.

WTF?!

I was 60.6 yesterday, and right now I'm up to 61.4.

DAMMIT!!

How the hell did that happen?!

Is it punishment for the Rocket Fuel Nachos I made for tea last night? Is it my fat ass laughing at me for not being able to exercise?

Whatever, I'm gonna work out at home btw classes today. Find some things that don't fuck with my foot.

Plus I missed my massage appointment yesterday so I'm STILL in pain. Sodding shoulder. Can I chop it off? I'll learn to write left handed and get my bike rigged so everything's on the left.

Fuck, gotta leave for class in 15. Gonna ring the physio and grovel for another appointment time.

Skinny wishes from a fat pig,

~Peri

Coitum Elivatum Et Expirate

That is the imperitave of "Fuck up and die" in Latin. A friend told it to me after revealing the handy little titbit that it's not illegal to swear at cops in New Zealand if you do it in a foreign language.

Sweeeeeet.

Fact: I can swear in 4 languages besides English.

I love obscenity. It is so colourful and varies so greatly across the world.

Thanks to my god awful infected toe I couldn't go to the gym today. Instead I stayed in bed (mostly sleeping) until just before 12. Aaaah, it kinds make up for being up at 6am the last 2 days! ^.^

I've been watching gymnastics videos on YouTube for most of the day. It makes me wish I'd been allowed to continue doing gymnastics as a kid. I trained up until our first contest. Then cocksucker father made us late for the contest. We walked in halfway through our group routine. I was horrified!! I'd wanted nothing more than to show my parents I could be sporty like my brothers. Dad then had the gall to say "What? You can just run in there now and join in!!" Riiiight Dad, have a random run in out of the crowd and join in in the middle of the routine. Looks reeeal good for the club!! I never went back.

There has also been horseback riding (My brothers demanded new cricket gear so there wasn't enough money for me to continue lessons), Bagpipes (Mum wouldn't let me practise at home or in the yard, so I failed the tests and had to drop out), Choir and Recorder (Same reasons) and Highland Dancing (The couldn't be bothered taking me to lessons and brothers to rugby on the same day). I gave up the idea of hobbies until I was 17 and started Judo. By then I had a job so I could pay someone to give me rides, or walk to and from. (Lol and extra 2-3 hours exercise on top of the training!! Those were the days!)

Woooo, pity party!! Lol I'm gonna quit talkin about mopey stuff now. It's because I've been trying to get in touch with the parentals for about a week, and they aren't returning my calls (Even on Fathers Day!!) *Sigh*

Oooh but there HAVE been developments on the Hot Guy front!

*Crazy happy crush dance*

I had to go in to work tonight to pick up some ingredients for the "Rocket Fuel Nachos" I was making for tea. I found out when I got to checkouts that the sour cream I'd picked up was meant to be a twin-pack, and some tard had snapped it in 2 and taken 1, leaving the other which I stupidly grabbed. I gave it to the supervisor, talking about "Fucktards". Fully did NOT see him standing there!! He followed me up to the back of the store, tried to cheer me up and gave me a hug! :O I was fully shocked out of my tree, but enjoyed every second of it!! (Damn, I wish I hadn't been wearing my motorcycle jacket, but oh well)

Later on, when I was waiting in line at express, he came up and said he'd have time free to help me with algebra for Econ202 in a few weeks. Once again: :O
I'd asked him if he could tutor me for some extra cash for his Germany trip a few weeks ago, and I though he'd forgotten. (Yeah, totally transparent excuse to sped more time drooling over him XD) He said he didn't want any money for it, since he may not be able to help much since he's mostly been doing Calculus recently.

WHO CARES!?!! I have access to Student Health Services who can help me get tutors too . . . <.< >.> *Whistles*

Speaking of which, I REALLY need to get my ass into gear regarding Uni. If I remember rightly, I have a massive essay due this month and another next month. Also exams in October/November which I am really behind in prep for.

Gonna stop rambling and try to sleep so I get up for class in the morning.

Sweet dreams!

~Peri

Blehhhhhh

I'm tired, and sore.

Sore and tired.

The boss estimated I'd put 12 trays of shaved ham in the cabinet today. 12 trays at 8kg per tray. Oh I ache.

One of the boys called in sick today, so we had another scramble to cover him. Lovely Bella came in to cover him, so I didn't have to go back and do another 4 hours tonight. Boss is crook and shouldn't be at work, so I volunteered to come in if she couldn't find cover. Lol another 4 hours on this infected toe would've killed me. (Ingrown toenail that plays up every so often)

I started making up an Ode to Ham to stop me going fully out of my mind. (as it is I'm hanging onto the windowsill with my fingernails, dangling outside)

My Nemesis;
Oh how I loathe thee.
Thy pale, dripping flesh
and musty, clinging smell.
Endless slices of pasty pink
Spotted with leprous white and gristle.
Thou hast taken my energy, freedom and joy.
Imprisoned me in a black plastic shell,
Eternally emptying

Aaaand that as far as I got. Lol I love that florid old-style mode.

Suffice to say: I HATE HAM!!!! Especially that shaved crap,

Ugh, it's nasty. It's only 68% meat ffs!!

I'm tempted to post my calorie averages from FitDay, just to prove that while I'm losing weight and developing some really weird eating and thinking habits, I still eat a fuckton of calories compared to those who are truly subjugated by the ED monster.

I also burn a fuckton of calories too, between my BMR, workout schedule at the physio, work, and general dance practise/getting around. I do 3 sessions at the physio a week MINIMUM to keep myself functional. The pain is really not worth shirking. Each session consists of 20-40mins of weights/calisthenics/isometric exercises and 20-40mins of cardio. I vary the cardio depending on how I'm feeling, lol. I LOVE the cross-trainer and Cybex machine, HATE the rower and treadmill with passion. If I had a choice, I'd do 10min bike warmup, maybe row 2km, then 30mins on the Cybex on Hill Intervals, then 20mins bike on random, and a treadmill warm down.

I've been going to this physio for the last 3 years, and they are amazing. I have learned so much from them about exercise, nutrition, general body health, what exercises to do and how to do them right, which exercises to avoid and why.

Lol they beat it into my head that you shouldn't weigh yourself every day (even though I do) because anyone's weight, and a chick's especially, fluctuates weirdly on a day-to-day basis. I write it down once a week, so I can see changes over time. Also that .5-1kg (1-2lbs??) a week is sustainable weight loss. Seems too damn slow sometimes, but fuck it's feeling good right now. I'm so full of energy I could work out with hardcore cardio every day!! Pity the sore muscles from the weights stops me atm, lol.

Ok I'm tired and rambling. I'm gonna cut this short here. If anyone wants me to post a shameful pic of my 2-month summary view from FitDay, let me know. I don't want to make ANYONE feel bad, or trigger anyone into a down-spiral.

Love and kisses,

~Peri

-.-

Don't you HATE being stuck at work with gloriously gorgeous spring weather outside?

ESPECIALLY when every single prat who comes through shopping raves about it?

Cunts.

Some bright spark in promotions decided to make shaved ham $8.90 a KG. When I got to work this morning I knew I was going to be busy, because tomorrow is the dreaded monthly Stocktake Sunday. What I didn't count on was the shit-for-brains who closes the Deli on Friday nights left a good half of the cleaning undone. I looked in the chiller to see NO cheap ham or luncheon bulked.

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!

Last thing at night they are supposed to slice some of the ham on special and some luncheon to tide us over in the morning while I fill he cabinet. Lazy useless scabrous whore. DO YOUR DAMN JOB FOR ONCE!!

I spent a wonderful 7 hours frantically cutting ham nonstop. I shit you not, 8/10 times I filled a tray it would have to go straight out. I was running flat out and just managing to stay in place.

Also, Hot Guy was working. Ugh, why do I always fall for assholes?! I know he's a prat but that doesn't stop me from wanting to tie him to my bed and shag his brains out. Maybe he'll go into Peri-has-Leprosy/Plague/Swine-Mode soon and I won't see him for a bit. Boys. Sigh.

So I am now sitting here with a well deserved alcoholic beverage. Fuck the calories.

Fuck work, enough talking about it. Anyway, moving on. . .

Last night after I found out that those mini Pinky bars only have 55cals each, I raised my middle finger to the raging monsters and had a banana and a small wedge of a very nice Brie I have in the fridge. Cheese is the reason I could never go Vege or Vegan. I can't live without it >.< My downfall, thou art tasty and good on crackers (Low-fat crackers, of course!)

We had a hardcore frost this morning. The only part of the rugby grounds that wasn't white was the cricket pitch!! My kitty was so cute last night. He climbed down under the duvet behind me (actually dug his way under!) and then wriggled his was around so he was curled up in front of me and could use my arm as a pillow. Awww, fuzzy and warm and purrs. Best sound to fall asleep to.

I'm so not looking forward to getting on the scales on Monday, but right now tiredness and booze kicking in are making it hard to feel anything but tired, warm and mildly misanthropic. I'm gonna log onto PWI and slaughter some cute fuzzy things. When I get to level 30 I can FINALLY kill other players. Ah, a challenge. (Yes I play a MMORPG. At least it's not WoW!!)

HOLY CRAP, FOLLOWERS!!! You guys totally made my weekend!! :D Yay! *does crazy dance of crazy* I seriously thought I'd go forever talking to myself.

*Raises glass*

Cheers, skinny bitches. Have a marvellous weekend!!

~Peri