Friday, 31 May 2013

Happy Kitty

Dralion's return has dragged me back up from the depths.

There are still aftershocks, but they're nothing when compared to the main event.

Every time she comes back inside or meows at me or sleeps on my lap or sticks her claws into my leg my mood goes up a tiny bit more.

Bloody hell, I really do need to have animals around in order to be sane.

The flea collar reeks like nothing else, but she hasn't tried to rid herself of it yet and she looks very dashing in red.

It looks like Lia won't be back at work. We are on scramble mode until the Store 2IC comes back and we can beg to be allowed to hire another staff member.

We can't keep going like this. It's insane. We simply cannot run the department with our current numbers.

I've been mucking about in photoshop to put off editing NaNo2012:

An Andalusian-based pegasus. Woo. There is also an Arabian-based thing carrying a lantern that I do NOT want to try shading. It will fully melt my brain.

I need some incentives to start editing. Deirdre has passed it on to a daughter to read and is pestering me for what happens next.

Maybe I can buy myself a Magic:The Addicting booster pack after each chapter, Mich's faerie books when I get half way through and at the end I earn a Sonic Screwdriver?

With the stat day pay for this weekend and the extra shifts, I can certainly afford the expense.

Behaviour modification through positive reinforcement. If it works on dogs. . .

Miles is away for the Whitestone Folk Festival. I'm going to tidy up a bit for Glamour Nana's visit tomorrow and go take advantage of having the whole bed to myself.

ALL YOUR BLANKETS ARE BELONG TO ME.



~Peri

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Big, Big Post of Photos and Rants

Yesterday we had a snow day.

I'm not kidding.

A full-on snow day with snow right down to sea level and about 2 inches on the ground at my place. There was no movement in motorway traffic from some point in the small hours until 9-10am when the sun hit it!

This is BIZARRE. We don't normally get snow until late June or early July. We get snow before Queens' Birthday weekend about once every third or fourth blue moon.

Fuck, poor farmers. They were hoping for a long, warm autumn to get a bit more winter feed grown after the drought (Which still hasn't broken in some parts of the country). The weather guys have been predicting an awful winter, and despite hopes to the contrary it looks like we'll get it.

Neither Miles or I made it in to work yesterday. He worked on Whitestone/Capping Show/Midwinter Carnival stuff and I watched docos and knitted and mucked about on Photoshop.

Miles put snow in his coffee to cool it down and juggles snowballs. Bloody clowns!

We went round to visit my EnglishAunt and cousin (Call him Ash) in the afternoon. Had a good catch-up and played a few games of Magic. Ash is still pretty new to the game, but he got off some bloody awesome moves in an attempt to cripple Miles' new blue/artefact deck of Pure Evil. (13/13 with trample. It's basically like facing a jet-powered steamroller with only a desk chair and a couple of shoes to defend you.)

DRALION IS BACK! :D :D :D :D :D

I WROTE THIS NEXT BIT BEFORE DRALION CAME HOME.



There is still no sign of Dralion. Miles is going to print flyers to put in mailboxes. I'm going to cast a wider net this time. Someone might have thougth she was a stray and decided to take her in.

I feel like I'm being tortured. After a week of her food not being touched, when we got back from visiting yesterday her cat bikkies were gone (I've been leaving those out, just in case) and I put down a packet of wet food before I went to bed that was gone in the morning.

I left the bedroom door wide open all last night. If it WAS Dralion, why didn't she come down and snuggle and demand pats?

If it wasn't, why didn't I hear another cat bashing on the catflap door until it opened up? It's a microchip-reading one, it will ONLY open for Dralion. Other cats have to beat at it long enough for it to swing back enough for them to get a paw under it.

I've put down more wet food and I've flicked the lock on the flap to deny exit so I can try to corner whoever is eating it.

If it's a cat. It could be a very small dog or a large rat or Miles being "nice" by throwing the food out when I'm in the shower.

I'm so fucking confused I really fucking wish that there was SOMETHING in charge of making shit happen so I could grab it and shake it and punch it and kick it where it hurts until it told me what the fuck is going on.

I'm glad I don't believe in the complete reality of deities, because this is so fucking sick and twisted that anything coming up with this kind of shit would be insane, a pure sadist, or both. No loving or benevolent overlord who really gave a fuck would do this. It would have to be something along the lines of a bloodthirsty Aztec or Old-Testament Abramic god who demanded the blood of children who'd do shit like this.

Take the only thing keeping a clinically depressed individual functional, remove it long enough for the individual to be hurting so badly they can barely function, THEN drop confusing, tantalising hints that the thing is still around but inexplicably shunning them.

It's torture. That's all it is. Sick, twisted, cruel and unusual.

I hate not knowing.

I'd rather be water-boarded. At least then I'd know that the people doing it to me are just doing it because they're fucking scumbags.

There is some awful little part of my brain that is filing this and putting it aside as something useful to use in a story one day. The lady at work wants to know what happens to Evreth, and I was nice enough to NOT murder her parents while she watched. . .

. . . I'm fucking sick.



OK, NOW FROM AFTER FLEABAG MCHUNGUS WAS CORNERED

I went to the gym this afternoon to try to get some endorphins and see how much easier the Day Two of this new program is (Very easy compared to the last one! I was shaky but not wrecked).

When I got back, there was meowing coming from inside :D

It was Dralion!

She had come back for a feed while I was out and got caught by the catflap. She tried to run back out through my legs but I grabbed her and hauled her bodily back inside.

She's been very smoochy and affectionate since then, lol.

I'm going to get a budget flea collar from the supermarket and write her name and my phone number on it, like Kaye does with her cats. I have the sneaking suspicion that someone has decided she is a stray and wants to keep her.

No longhair could look THIS good if it was a stray, thank you very bloody much!

Ok, going to collar the hairy beast. (The cat, not Miles.), you look at some random photos I've been taking for you. You are all so utterly fantastic, thank you so much for the support and kind words while I've been falling apart for the last 1.5 week. I have no words for you much it means to me and how awesome you are.

Thank you. Thank you so much. *Hugs you until your ribs break*


The driveway garden right after I planted the lavender and blue Lithospermum. It has more weeds in it now, sigh:



Miles and his juggling clubs. All the new HoP ones are the red/silver:


. . .Creepy juggler is creepy. . .


The inside of his van after a day of filming:
Yes, we have 3 mannequins -.-;


Sorting out grapes for making jam:



Finished jam, jar on right is a Vegemite jar,the rest are garlic/pesto jars:



Snow photos from yesterday morning, it kept snowing all day:





~Peri

Monday, 27 May 2013

Winter Winds In My Bones

Break open my bones you won't find marrow, you'll find ice.

It looks like autumn is over. Most of the leaves have gone and we're already getting snowclouds coming up from the south.

It was really short this year. That makes me sad. I love autumn. We've gone from the first few frosts and pretty leaves to bare branches and storms in a few weeks.

The wind is fucking icy. It's not just cold blades coming up into my helmet to tickle my cheeks, it's a cheese grater straight from the freezer being rubbed over my face.

It's well past time to pull my super-special skein of hand dyed Touch yarn from my stash and look up cowl patterns on Ravelry.

Work on Sunday was several shades of shitty hell. Somehow I managed to make it through the shift without having a full-scale meltdown. Dunno how. Fucking miraculous!

It was Stocktake, so we were already busy with usual Stocktake shenanigans. Jeri is on bereavement leave, so I figured it would be a very wobbly Lia and I to do evening, with Neptune over in Seafood lending us a hand from sheer boredom.

Nope.

Lia took a fast trip to A&E in an ambulance when she woke up and couldn't feel her legs. (Doctors now reckon it's a pinched nerve in her spine) Nobody would answer their phones, so AwesomeBoss said she'd come back in from 4-6 to help me with Dinner Rush and Closedown.

It was SUPPOSED to be AwesomeBoss' day off. Instead she came in for Stocktake AND 2 hours of work.

Yup, DAY off. Singular. For the week.

Lol, Store Boss came over looking for her when she'd gone home for a nap between stints of work. I told him she'd be back at 4 and we'd be shutting the Deli at 5:30 because Jeri was on bereavement leave and Lia was in hospital and we didn't have the staff to cover their shifts.

I've never seen him move that fast in the other direction my LIFE. If there hadn't been customers there I swear he would have been RUNNING from the Deli. I almost laughed.

Chatterbox came in to do shutdown. I was only running Deli and Seafood for 30min by myself and not the hour I had thought I would be.

A foreign bloke from the gold mine said "You're a skinny little thing. Do you count calories?"

My first reaction was terror, the fear of being rumbled.

Oh shit, he knows. I'm so FUCKED!

My second reaction was anger.

I'm not bloody skinny! Are you fucking kidding? My BMI is over 21, for crying out loud!

I tried to blow it off with partial truth, glossing over the fact that I've kept track of every calorie to pass my lips for the last 6 years and saying that I have a trainer who has made it his life's mission to make me cry (While my reaction to the declaration was "Lol, game on!") and flexing my arms at him.

He seemed disturbed by the trainer and impressed with my arms.

He sounded like he was from the USA or Canada. Since he referred to the depth of mud they're dealing with at the mine in inches I'm assuming USA. Apparently they're really screwed for staff right now, this was his first day off in a month!

If Dropkick Bro cared about getting his shit together, he would be kicking his own ass to the MOON for letting himself miss the opportunity!

I'm working from 1-9 on Monday and Tuesday to do closedown with Chatterbox since Jeri is away.

I don't know how I'm going to survive, but I'll try.

I'm going to do a flyer drop on Wednesday if Dralion isn't back to ask people to check sheds/garages/covered cars etc in case she climbed in to escape the rain and couldn't get out.

I'm so stupidly fucking depressed I can barely move sometimes. It's weird how something that doesn't have any physical dimension or mass can be so fucking heavy.

Distractions are still working, which is good. Not actively suicidal, but I wouldn't mind randomly dropping dead.

Distract. Distract. Distract.

She might still come back. Maybe.



~Peri

Saturday, 25 May 2013

No words.

My head is empty and sore.

I'm falling into the hole in my chest, or away into the sky.

Both are black and so unimaginably huge the mind gives up and simply labels it 'infinite'.



Miles is helping the Capping Show Team with the 48Hour Film Festival, even though he isn't officially entered. He fucked off this morning leaving the bottom bathroom window open when Dropkick Bro is starting to get desperate for cash.

I just want Dralion back.

There is no point in fighting without her.

I got out of bed because she doesn't have the thumbs to open her food packets herself.

I went to work so I could afford to keep a roof over our heads and food in her bowl.

I saved Ink, Dralion saved me.

Now she's gone and I don't know where or if she's coming back.

I'm going to look for her, but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

When Ink went missing hope fucked me up worse than accepting the reality of the situation.

I feel like some stupid fucking cat lady for being so attached to my pets, but I can't help it.

They're honestly the only reason I have lived this long.

~Peri

Thursday, 23 May 2013

Rage and Sad

I just had a perfectly tolerable afternoon with Mum wrecked by Dropkick Brother.

He rang in the middle of lunch to start harassing her for a ride, which turned into harassing her for money.

He is 4 weeks behind in rent and is being kicked out of his flat. He is apparently on stand-down between sickness benefit and the unemployment benefit and has no income because he hasn't gotten around to making up a CV to apply for jobs.

Mum rang his Landlord to find out what the deal was. Dropkick Bro has been borrowing her for rent money every week and telling her he was using it to pay his rent.

His Landlord says otherwise.

Mum's 50th birthday is tomorrow. She and Dad are flying over to Australia for a week to visit Youngest Brother in Queensland.

Way to wreck Mum's birthday, you little fuckwit.

As soon as she agreed to borrow 1 weeks' worth of Dropkick Bro's rent from the bank and give it to his Landlord, the shameless shithead immediately started trying to pump her for ANOTHER $170 to 'pay his flatmate back for the power bill'

She left my house to go see his Landlord nearly in tears.

I want to nail him to a board and hand him outside the shark netting at St.Clair.

She told me that the little bastard NEVER PAID BOARD when he was living at home. I told Mum that Dad was charging me around $60/week and put it up so I couldn't afford to study in Australia.

Dad has NO idea that this is going on.

I want to tell him, I really do.

He fucking needs to know.

He thought that this had stopped, but it hasn't.

Dropkick Bro keeps abusing and harassing her until she caves in and gives him what he wants.

Every day of every week.

You can tell she is beyond fed up.

I haven't heard her yell like that in years.

I'm simultaneously shaking with rage and wanting to crawl under a desk and cry.

Sometimes I think I protected the wrong brother.

I haven't seen Dralion since Monday. It's Thursday afternoon now and I'm really worried.

Couldn't sleep much last night, wondering if she'd been hit by a car or adopted/stolen or was hiding out in someone's garage because of all the rain or if the person killing pet cats in South Dunedin had widened their hunting range.

He food hasn't been touched in days. Everything I've been putting down since Monday night in case she came home hasn't been eaten at all.

Maybe one of the neighbour's dogs got her?

I want my kitty. I really need kitty hugs.

The longest she has been away doing cat things before is 2 days. This is really weird for her.

It's raining again but I'm going to go have a walk and look for her before the school gets out.

I can't go to they gym today because my shoes are still soaked from yesterday. They probably have about a kilo of water still soaked into each of them.

I just want to know what has happened to her.


~Peri


EDIT:
Still no hot water. No hot water for two fucking days because Miles said he would sort out getting a new gas bottle and still fucking hasn't.

Nothing is fucking going right this week.

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Stoopid Poopy

There is some kind of random bug going around work, and I've managed to some stupid a version of it so I'm fairly braindead. This is going to be choppy.

Seafood Dude has leant me Wreck-It Ralph and Rose of the Guardians to watch, so I've been working on my shrug and watching movies. The shrug has been kinda stalled since I couldn't be arsed shredding it back to fix it. Fluffy yarn is a unforgiving BITCH when you have to frog your work.

I leant someone at work a copy of my NaNo2012 frankenbaby, and now her daughter wants to read it after her and Chatterbox overheard us talking about it and wants to read it too. I'm trying to accept the nice stuff she is saying about it and not bounce it away, but it's hard.

She keeps talking it up to AwesomeBoss and wants to get AwesomeBoss' husband (Ex-English Teacher, Eternal Bibliphile, International 2nd-hand Book Seller) to proofread it so I can send it to a publisher.

What. The. Fuck.

It needs a serious editing. I've been reading over Miles' shoulder (The closest I can bring myself to come without immediately wanting to burn the copy he printed. KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!1!) and some parts are so fucking clunky, ugh.

Where the fuck did some of that stuff even come from? I have no bloody idea.

I'll be brave enough to open the word file and start on the mission one day.

Fuck, I have no idea where Evreth is going to go. I have a few ideas, and some of the are REALLY not good. No idea where Path and the rest got to. You'd think they'd bloody TELL me, but NO.

Smug gits. They never do what I want them to.

I've been having the weirdest dreams, since I've been able to sleep about 5 hours or so each one.

Last night is was some weird-ass Hunger Games/Battle Royale style one, where a bunch of us were locked in a massive building complex with tracker units on us and the last one alive was let out.

I was lucky, I had a laser gun and a GPS-type scanner in my kit so I could tell where the others were and see if it was safe to rest and which rooms were likely to be dangerous.

Next bit is Foodspaz McTriggery. Skip to the YouTube video (which is pure awesome) and you won't miss much.

The night before last it was a horrible foodspaz nightmare about taking a fuckton of senna tablets without enough water and I had to chew the tablets up and I was gagging and crying and choking on this horrible gritty powder.

In the book club at work right now there is a scale that claim to measure bodyfat percentage and hydration level.

There is a corpse-breathed monster caressing my shoulders with dry bony hands, whispering in my ear for me to buy it.

I'm resisting the urge to do so, using the weapon of logic to remind that stupid cadaver that:
1) I already have a scale, dammit.
2) I'd have to hide a new one from Miles.
3) It's $20 that I'd much rather spend on other things. Like yarn and Monster High dolls and tattoos.
4) There is NO way to guarantee that it is accurate. If it's not accurate it's a waste of money.
5) The only really accurate methods for measuring bodyfat percentage are hydrostatic weighing and callipers.
6) If I was brave enough I could get Massage Lady to give me a calliper test at the Gym and find out my bodyfat%.

Brain is going to mush. I'll go have some more Pixar animation while you guys watch this:



~Peri

Friday, 17 May 2013

How Do You Feel?

Last week Kerys had me fill out another one of those Depression/Anxiety scoresheets to see how I was doing now.

Not much better, to be honest.

Might Not Be Unrelated: Longest sleep this week has been 5 hours!

Massive headway has been made in the realms of shifting things from a definite "I'm a fucking useless waste of resources" to a grudging "There might be some good things about me after all".

She wanted to discuss some of the answers I gave, regarding higher depression scores, and we have EXERCISES to do next week.

Oh fucking joy.

At least she doesn't have to teach me relaxation or mindfulness stuff. Honey, I've been researching and practising various mindfulness and meditation techniques since I was 12. You're going to have to dig damn deeply into your box of psych tricks to find something I haven't already tried.

Blargh.

Last night I made jam out of our grapes and this morning we tried it on toast.

OMFG IT IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DELICIOUS.

Just grapes and sugar, since grapes already have enough pectin in them that I didn't need to waste money on adding more.

I think I just about compensated for the almost obscene tartness of this type of grape by adding a little extra sugar.

So stoaked that I got it to set properly.

I nearly didn't boil it for long enough to set, because I was getting bored and figured I could settle for dipping sludge.

Loud music and headbanging gets you through the more tedious parts of jam-making.

Miles has printed a copy of my NaNoWriMo effort of last year so he can more easily read it.

I'm terrified. I want to burn it before he can, but I don't want to waste that much paper.

Maybe I can convince Dralion it's a cat toy?

I wish I could make my words as strong as hers:



~Peri

NaNo2012: Epilogue, Over and Out.


Ok, here is the end.

The weird-ass little tail end that I hoped would sound awesome but sounds cheesier every time I read it.

Time to get my red editing pen out and brace myself for the cringe-fest.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.


The Story:
Prologue
Chapter 11
Chapter 12

Epilogue.

  Evreth stood on one of the many high landing platforms that ringed the great crater wall of the super volcano that housed her home. She watched the sun die in blood and fire far out on the western edge of the Great Plains, bathing her in scarlet light as the clouds slowly faded into charcoal shadows scattered across the night sky.

  In her mind she pictured her lost friend sky-dancing in the fading evening light. There had been no contact from the missing dragons since that day in the Hibernation Chamber, on the last day of what was becoming known as the Hibernation of Sorrow. Coming out from under her parents to find her two best friends missing had changed her. She was still friendly and charismatic when she exerted herself, but no longer as bubbly as she had previously been. The rest of her fledging and adolescence had been marked by a growing reserve and long, absent hours spent staring at the sky hoping to see a familiar pair of flying figures homing in on the Dragon City.

  Relations with the other races had been nearly unsalvageable, but despite the danger the determined young Sand Clan dragon had taken up the job of scout and courier to the farthest-flung outposts of Dragonkind in an attempt to find any rumour of what had happened to the friends who had been closer than nestmates to the lonely young creature she had been.

  Even after sustaining injuries at the hands of hostile outlanders she hunted on, unwilling to give up despite the advice of older dragons. Evreth simply could not believe that Path and Senth would abandon her for good. One day she would find her friends and the others who had sacrificed themselves to save the lives of those who had remained behind, and she would not give up until she found them.

  As the last of the light faded from the western sky and the distant stars shone down from the moonless skies, Evreth spread wings coloured with mourning and determination and launched herself into the swiftly cooling night air.

  She would not give up until she found them.

  Never.

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Sub-Optimal

Today's post title is brought to you by Dr.Steven Novella and his wonderful habit of understatement when referring to the potentially catastrophic side-effects of theorised cancer treatments.

The last few days have been. . . I'm not exactly sure how to process them.

Monday at work was dead, customer-wise. 4 hours dragged on as if I was working checkouts on a slow day.

Tuesday was just fucking horrible.

Awesomeboss  has a phlegm-tastic cold, and between her lung problems and asthma she simply doesn't have the ability to cough up phlegm that settles over her windpipe. The only way for her to get rid of it is to puke, which isn't a good idea if you have severe diabetes and need to keep your blood-sugar fairly consistent.

So she is taking 3 days off work to rest, and Mr.T is working her shifts.

Fuck. Me.

After 2 really good nights of sleep I've been managing 3 hours or so a night for the last 3 nights.

I started Tuesday morning really out-of-it and confused and unable to make heads or tails of the random shit Mr.T was babbling in my direction. (I assumed that by 'New Salads' he meant we had new products that had come in that day, not referring to the series of new products we got two weeks ago)

I spent the next 6 hours exhausted and confused with him talking to me like I was a total fucking idiot with barely more IQ points than a sea slug and not actually listening to anything I said to him or asked him.

He fucked off upstairs to do the rosters during the middle of the lunch period, so I spent 30mins actually RUNNING (Breaking health and safety rules) between salads and meats to serve everyone, until Seafood Dude clocked in and came to help me.

Hell, when Chatterbox clocked in they were in the chiller talking for 15mins, ignoring the two times I had to YELL 'Can I have a hand out here, please?' during a rush until VonFishsticks the Seafood Manager helped me by serving salads until the rush died down.

On Tuesday I got more help from the FUCKING SEAFOOD DEPARTMENT than the other 3 people in my department COMBINED.

Jeri was a total gem when she got to work. Absolutely priceless.

Mr.T asked me to put chickens on when I was 1.5 hours overdue for a break, and when I pointed out that I had 3 hours left of an 8-hour shift and 2 breaks to take in that time he responded with:
"So what do you want me to do about it"

There is NO polite way to say "HOW ABOUT YOU GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER"

Ugh, he tried to get both Chatterbox and I to work on Thursday night, and I said no because:
1) It's the only night I get to see Miles for more than 15mins this week
2) My sanity is not worth $40
He said "Well don't complain to me when your hours get cut" and something along the lines of I'm living in the lap of luxury since I get 3 days off in a row every week.

Hello, dingleberry? I'm barely managing to stay functional enough to work four days a week.

This isn't luck, this is SURVIVAL. Three days off in a week and I'm just barely holding on to my mental state by the skin of my teeth.

I was so sick of his shit by that point I just shut down completely.

I ended up attacking my thigh with my namebadge on break. I just didn't care anymore.

I don't care, except when I can't sneak into be before Miles and have to be super-sneaky while getting into my PJs so he doesn't see my leg.

Yesterday I went to the gym and picked up a few little things I've been putting off getting so I felt a bit better, but now I'm back to wanting to lie on the ground and cry.

Miles is out filming Capping Show stuff tonight, so I'm going to distract myself by trying to make jam from the grapes I picked yesterday and skyping.

I've done a bit of research and the kind of grapes we have do NOT make a nice wine. So: Jam it is.

Even if it turns out to be FailJam we can always use it as an ice-cream topping.

Ok, I've run out of words. Going to hunt up some empty glass jars.

~Peri

Monday, 13 May 2013

Hoopla!

I try to keep my promises.

So here we go. Shitty out-of-practise hula-hooping.


~Peri

Sunday, 12 May 2013

BEGINNING TO DAMAGE MY CALM

I spent the last half of my shift nibbling on lollies to get energy because I was exhausted INSTEAD of drinking coke zero like a sensible person.

Now I'm twitchy and over-energized and shitty as all fuck because Miles forced me to eat tea when I got home on top of 5 hours of sugar consumption.

He made fucking weird-ass "curried vegetables" which looks like all the veggies that were wilting in the fridge stewed in beetroot juice and curry powder.

At least it wasn't The Boy's hellish meat-in-oil-on-pasta-in-oil creation o.O

I'm trying to bottle up the rage because he has been sitting there for 4 straight hours since I got home playing Minecraft so I can't exercise to work off the energy so I can sleep.

I feel like I've got enough energy to run a nuclear power plant stored in my legs right now.

For the last 2 days work was as dead as Kirk's sex life and I didn't train last week, so I'm about to fucking EXPLODE.

Lol, speaking of Kirk he STILL hasn't left town for his Bluff-to-Kaitaia walk. He was telling everyone that he was leaving last week! He has been spotted in the store over the weekend and he got tailed by staff and the new mufti cop in case he shoplifted.

Yay Mig is working in the morning so I can exercise a bit after he goes to work.

I'm going to be bloody lucky to sleep at all tonight.

And Miles sits there playing Minecraft, looking at me whenever I move. Fucking hell I'm wanting to gouge eyes right now. I've peoples all day and I just need time with no humans around before I go completely off the deep end!

FUCK I JUST WANT TO DO BURPEES RIGHT NOW.

Instead I'm window shopping because if I fuck up ONE MORE THING in photoshop I'm going to smash the window with my laptop and shitty Dick Smith graphics tablet.

I want this and this and this and this.

Next time it's coke zero and I'll deal with the caffeine sleeplessness and aspartame-induced sugar cravings instead of this fucking shitty energy overload.

Music to soothe the savage beast?





. . . Nope, didn't work. I want really angry music right now.

I don't want to go to bed because that will mean being cuddled and I seriously want to rip the arms off the next person to touch me and beat them to death with the soggy ends.

I need to remember these words of wisdom and make it to Wednesday without murdering a customer and hiding their body in the butchery cabinet:

Next time: No fucking lollies on a Sunday. Or violence will be done.

~Peri

Friday, 10 May 2013

Fucking. Writers.

I just watched the end of Season 2 of Dr.Who, the episode called 'Doomsday'

The writers are all:


And I'm all:





I can't stop crying.

Fucking stupid but it's true.

Spoiler alert:
The ultimate solution was WORSE than Rose dying because they're both stuck in seperate universes and will be alone and hurting over it for fucking CENTURIES.

So glad Miles isn't home.

Lots more tears for other reasons are trying to follow the "Omfg fuck you show writers for ripping my heart out and stomping on it" tears.

Not letting them. They can wait until Miles is away at Whitestone.

It's only another month. Hopefully I'll be back in emotionless automaton mode by then and not prickly about-to-fall-apart mode.

Everything is getting on my tits and I'm having a massive 'I can't do ANYTHING fucking right' with anything that requires skill.

Also major art block.

So cue rages.

Maybe I should draw some of my dragons?

Dunno.

Putting the base layer of black tape around my hoop was a lesson in "Miles is editing videos 3m away from me don't scream obscenities and startle him" frustration.

I want it to be PERFECT and it looks like I coated it in glossy black elephant hide.

Fuck, at least fabric-based duct tape is easy to remove.

I'll re-do it when the colour wears off the pink tape. (Still haven't put the pink tape on yet)

I think I need a LOT of practise and narrower rolls of tape. The 5cm wide one was really difficult to manage, especially for a n00b.

Ok enough whining. I need a cup of tea.

~Peri

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

NaNo2012 Chapter 12: The End?

Since I can't seem to draw ANY BLOODY THING right now I'm going to sit down and try to bash out the Epilogue.

Of all the bloody times to hit a creative block, this has to be one of the worst. Maybe I just need sleep?

Except when I do sleep I'm having REALLY FUCKING WEIRD nightmares.

I'm blaming Dr.Who for those.

Are you my mummy?

D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D:

Hoop is finally here, Going to buy duct tape tomorrow so I can make it all purdy.

ON TO THE STORY. I have the Epilogue all done now. Cliffhangers are fun, but I'm not sure if it comes out strong or cheesy.

Ugh, strong cheese?


Refresh your memory. . . 



Chapter Twelve


  News of what had been seen in the black glass mirror spread quickly amongst the surviving dragons, trapped inside their Hibernation Chambers. The advance of the fighters brought into the underground complex by the other races had been slowed to a crawl. Some quick thinking dragons had begun to use the sand from the bed platforms that had been sleeping on to form additional layers of protection when blocking the doorways. It took the dwarves much longer to break through this additional protection and was figured well worth paying the pain of the cost o the magic to manipulate the sand. The dragons who began spell casting knew by now that paying the cost of the magic was infinitely preferable to a quick death by the poisoned arrows carried by the archers of the invading forces.

  Ideas for potential escape routes were thrown around, but none of them were feasible and all the dragons knew it. The Hibernation Chambers had been designed with no back doors, no other ways to get in or out that would have to be hidden as well as the main entrance. They had assumed that their volcanic home was impenetrable, and that they would never have need for more than one way in or out. The only way to escape would be to attempt to go through their attackers, and they knew that trying to do that would be suicide.

  Path was trying not to give in to panic as she wrapped her head around the knowledge that she was going to die in this stifling underground room. While she stood frozen solid in panic Senth came barrelling into the chamber and ran straight into her side. The Shadow Clan dragon’s normally supremely controlled hide was white and grey with fear and grief and he was shaking. Path managed to unlock her frozen muscles just enough to spread a wing over him to give what comfort the gesture could. His sudden dash through the room of terror-stricken dragons had set off a new wave of fear reactions that the one healer left in the chamber had to deal with.

  By now Evreth was huddled so deeply in between her parents that she was nearly invisible. The young Sand Clan dragon showed absolutely no interest in coming out from the only place where she felt even a little bit safe to investigate the commotion, so she was spared the sight of one of her calmest friends coming very close to losing it completely.

 “Senth, what is it? What is happening out there?” Path asked quietly, pitching her voice so low that not even the extremely sharp ears of other dragons near them would be able to pick up her words.

 “My older brothers decided that they were going to hibernate with some of their friends this year instead of staying close to the family as is customary,” The Shadow Clan dragon said, shuddering and trying to pull himself together long enough to relay his news. “They and some others were in one of the foremost Hibernation Chambers. As soon as my parents realised what was happening they tried to go to them, to protect them or pull them out.” Senth crouched right down and froze with his wings tight to his sides as his hide went a stark, unrelieved pale grey that would have made him blend in perfectly with a pile of dirty snow. His voice became a thread of a whisper that even Path struggled to pick up, with her head craned down right next to his.

  “They were too late to save any of them,” Said the grief-stricken Shadow Clan dragon, “My brothers were in the first room that the murderers broke in to. My parents fell to the poisoned arrows when they tried to get through to recover them. They are all gone.” Senth’s whispering voice broke on the last word.

  Path’s hide went dead white at this news, and she froze with her wing extended over her grieving friend. This was one blow too many for the Cloud Clan dragon. She had lost half of her family before she could even acknowledge the new relationship with them. Her ears filled with a ringing noise that blocked out the sounds of battle and scared dragons. She looked slowly around the hibernation chamber at her remaining friends and family. The arguing Elders and Evreth’s parents all looked as if they were miles away, even though they were still in the same room as her. The Cloud Clan dragon felt a massive surge of energy rush through her limbs, a combination of adrenaline and the magic she hardly ever called upon making her feel even more removed and somehow burningly present at the same time.

  Everything around the Cloud Clan dragon seemed to be coming from an ever increasing distance, and the ringing noise swelled until it sounded like someone had put a massive bell inside her head and then struck it. She watched the colours of fear, anxiety and anger roll over the hides of the remaining members of the Council of Elders as they continued their argument over how to best deal with the situation. Even though she could not hear a word they were saying over the sound that filled her head Path knew that the situation was beyond being solved by anything but magic, and the price for such a solution would be incredibly steep.

  How could the invading army of the other races be stopped? Path wanted them out of the Dragon City and as far away as possible. She wanted that horrible tunnel they had carved into her home completely erased along with the hills formed of excavated debris that marred the grasslands of the blasted plains outside the volcano that held the Dragon City. As much as she wanted her friends back, as much as she ached for the deaths of Senth’s family there was no known way to return the dead to life; that was something that magic simply could not do. Right now all that she wanted, all that the surviving dragons wanted was for the horror to end.

  Path looked slowly around at the terrified dragons that had been sharing the Hibernation Chamber with her, worried that a sudden movement would snap her out of this horror that rendered her motionless and back into the kind of panic that would make her break her neck in a futile escape attempt. The few survivors of the Council of Elders continued their discussion, the angry red bands of colour chasing themselves over their panic-blanched hides and made them look like a large bouquet of strangely shaped poisonous flowers. Survivors huddled in terrified groups, and those who had begun to panic and lost control lay slumped gracelessly on sleeping platforms where they had been dragged after the healer had knocked them out to keep them from harming themselves and sparking a greater panic.

  The Cloud Clan dragon caught the healer’s gaze as the older dragon kept a careful watch on the terrified survivors, looking for signs of anyone else who was beginning to give in to terror. Path could see in the healer’s eyes that the other dragon knew this was a lost cause, and that they would all be dying here unless some miracle could be enacted like the one that had originally saved their race from extinction during the Great Eruption.

  Absurdly, one of the legends of the sacrifice that saved her race and bound them to the cycle of hibernation that had brought them to this impasse began to run through Path’s mind in the gravelly old voice of her Mother’s Father. He had been an accomplished storyteller and had travelled the world collecting new legends and telling again ones he had memorised over the centuries. While the dead could not be brought back to life, the willing sacrifice of a life could be used to heal the earth of injuries. The power provided by this sacrifice allowed the caster to cast incredibly strong spells, and was used only in the direst of circumstances. As they were paying the ultimate cost for the use of the magic, they were able to tap the greatest possible amount of magic for their casting.

  The spells needed to save dragon kind from extinction and repair the damage to the rest of the world that had been caused by the Great Eruption had been so great that not even the self-sacrifice of a third of the survivors had been enough to pay for it and the remaining dragons had been forced to choose between accepting the burden of the Millennial Hibernations and living in a slowly dying world.

  There was no doubt in Path’s mind that the greatly reduced Council of Elders was arguing over who would be the ones to sacrifice them to extricate the Dragon City from its current predicament. It was a condition of membership to the council that one must be willing to lay down their lives to preserve the rest of their kind, all of the rest of their kind, no matter how much they disagreed with or disliked certain people or Clans. In this situation, the argument would likely be over how best to deal with the situation and who had to stay and deal with the aftermath.

  What the Cloud Clan dragon could not work out was how they had decided to go about their solution. It was obvious to her that what they should do was win themselves some breathing space by getting the invading force out of the city and sealing the tunnel they had painstakingly bored through the  side of the super volcano that housed the dragons. It would be fairly simple to collapse the roof of the structure, even with the superior roof-supports the dwarves used in their mines there was only so much pressure they could withstand, and nothing created by mundane methods could hold up to an assault by magic.

   Magic surged through Path, almost unnoticed as she contemplated the problem of removing the invaders from her home without killing them. She wanted no more deaths, no more reason for the other races to block their ears and shoot to kill whoever went out to negotiate with them. The only solution that she could think of was to get them out and away, and in trade all she could think of would be for some dragons to volunteer to be displaced in order to have the physical locations of all the invaders moved from inside the city to outside it again.

  All across the room, heads turned in her direction as if they had been pulled by strings. The force that had been building inside the young Cloud Clan dragon had overflowed without her conscious control and communicated the possibility of the spell and its potential price to the beleaguered survivors in the Hibernation Chamber with her. All they needed was volunteers, and the deed would be done. Their remaining friends and family would be saved from inevitable death at the hands of the soldiers they could hear banging away at the latest blockage of magically created stone.

  Bleached white and despairing grey hides began to take on hints of colour as hope spread through the room. Still, there was nobody was willing to be the first to volunteer. Nobody wanted to seal themselves to paying a spell price that was so full of unknowns. They survivors had already lost so much, they could not face losing contact those few who had thus far survived the slaughter. When paying the price for this spell there would be no control over their destination. They could end up on the other side of the world, too far away to return to their home easily if they even knew where they were when they were transported. They could be relocated to a place so hot or so cold that they would die within days. They could even end up at the bottom of the ocean or so high in the sky there would be no air to support their wings for flight. Paying the price for this spell to save their loved owns was taking the chance that it would end up being a suicide mission.

 A complex pattern of black and white flowed over her hide as Path realised that if nobody came forward, they would be doomed as surely as if they had not woken up at all. Slowly, not believing what she was doing, she raised her wings towards the ceiling, signalling that she would be willing to volunteer to be transported somewhere else to pay the price of the spell to remove the invaders from the city. Unable to watch to see if anyone else would join her, she closed her eyes and bowed her head, letting her hide run riot with her emotional state as she gave up all attempts to control it.

  She felt motion beside her as Senth stood up and moved closer, letting her feel the breeze that he created as he raised his wings as he agreed to join her in unknown exile to save their few surviving friends and family members. There was nobody left for him here besides herself, Evreth and a scant handful of Spectrum Dancers. There were few ties left to break because so many had already died at the hands of the invading army.

  Numb with shock at her own action, Path’s hearing seemed to be trying to make up for her closed eyes and she clearly heard isolated rustling noises throughout the unnaturally silent Hibernation Chamber over the dull pounding noise of the invading army trying to get past the thin stone barrier restraining them. Slowly, one by one, other dragons volunteered their familiar lives and chose to face exile to save those few of their loved ones who had so far survived the. The Cloud Clan dragon had not been counting the number of volunteers, and she nearly collapsed in disbelief when after an eternity of terror-numbed waiting with her shaking wings upraised, it seemed like not even this would be enough for the spell to save the dragons from extinction.

 After a long pause punctuated by the nerve-wracking sound of pickaxes thudding into their protective barrier, a final rustle of wings was heard and then the entire world was ripped away from Path. When her eyes flew open of their own accord she couldn’t see anything but lightless black, and she was fairly sure her voice and her hide screamed fear into the howling darkness the surrounded her as she was ripped bodily from the Hibernation Chamber by the payment for the transportation spell and hurled across incomprehensible distances into the unknown.

  Thunder ripped through the subterranean Hibernation Chambers as dragons dematerialised and air rushed to fill the empty spaces that their bodies had left behind. The air pressure dropped and dust showered into the room from the overtaxed ventilation system as it sought to drag more air into the Hibernation Chambers. Evreth burrowed deeper between her parents, convinced that this was the armies blowing their way into the room to end them all.

  When the dust settled, the surviving dragons shook the ringing from their ears and took stock of who had been left behind.  Unbroken silence filled the room, with survivors barely daring to breathe and traumatised younglings terrified into frozen stillness, unable even to whimper as their hearing slowly recovered from the noise. A little over two dozen dragons appeared to be missing, judging from the spaces left in the room and the looks of fresh horror or resigned sorrow on the faces of dragons that faced the knowledge of yet more losses on top of those already endured that day. The remaining leaders of the city gazed around the freshly decimated survivors of the slaughter of the Hibernation Chambers, trying to take stock of who was left to attempt the massive task of rebuilding their city and re-establishing relations with the other nations of the world after this horror.

  The major questions burning at the minds of those few left in positions of authority were demands to know how and why all of this had happened. The loss of some of their colleagues and yet more dragons to pay the price of the spell that had saved them all from being slaughtered was a cruel blow indeed to a species that had only recently, in their terms, recovered from the destruction wrought by the Great Eruption that the rest of the world had already forgotten.

  For long minutes absolute silence reigned in the Hibernation Chamber and no dragon so much as twitched their skin, for fear that any movement would restart the fearful sounds of picks on stone that had foretold their death moments before hand. Slowly, disbelievingly, dragons began to move again. Hides grey with grief and white with shock made the enormous underground chamber look as if it was filled with animate marble statues as family groups re-sorted themselves and those left orphaned and bereft of any familial ties were taken in by those nearest them.

  An elderly member of the Shadow Clan moved carefully to the hastily sealed-over portal to the room and manipulated a small section of the stone that blocked the archway into transparency with a judicious application of magic. Through the window of transparent rock the Clan Elder saw carnage that made him glad that the small view space was blocked by his head. Almost miraculously, the room was uninhabited except for the corpses of fallen dragons and the soldiers of the other races that had snuck in to kill them in their sleep.  With a heart torn between sorrow and relief, he reversed the spell he had used to create his window in he stone and turned to face the rest of the room, giving the all-clear with muted yellows and pale blues flowing across his hide.

  They had no idea what had happened to those who had volunteered their lives to save them, but now they had the chance to live long enough to find out.

Monday, 6 May 2013

Pass The Vodka?

After watching this barely coherent and extremely profanity-dense ragefest from last night you may understand why the best thing to happen to me today was finding a dead mouse on Miles' slippers.



In all the frothing over the mouse I forgot that Miss Prissybritches doesn't like to go outside to go to the dunny when it's bucketing rain. (Honestly, neither would I)

Yeah. I got distracted by the mouse and forgot to bring the litterbox back up from the laundry, so she pissed all over an old schoolbag I was going to give to freeshop.

It's beyond salvaging now. Ugh.

I'm so getting drunk after work tomorrow. It seems that the 'Vehicles travelling uphill have right of way in narrow streets' rule does NOT apply when the situation is Bus vs Motorcycle at night so I'm in dire need of industrial-strength unwinding.

Vodka and Dr.Who? Who's with me?

For now it is chamomile tea and Shihad.



Happy New Zealand Music Month, people. I'll bombard you with more of my favourite songs by Kiwi artists over the course of May.

Seriously though, if my month keeps disintegrating at this rate I'll be hibernating in a blanket fort within a week.

Not amused by this shit.

~Peri

Saturday, 4 May 2013

SDFJGLKJH;DK;AHLAKHJ

A high-speed rambly unlisted vlog in which I talk a whole bunch of nonsense.



I made it about 3 hours ago so I can't remember what I said in it.

SEE WHY I STAY AWAY FROM BLOGGER WHEN I'M LIKE THIS?!?

At least I managed to catch up on all your blogs.

Now back to Dr.Who. They were facing a rampaging horde of cybermen in a parallel universe.

Because it's not relevant at all: I HAVE FINISHED THE LAST CHAPTER OF NANO2012 AND STARTED THE EPILOGUE. GO ME.

I feel like such a bitch for what I've done to Evreth. Please don't hate me. Will post it in the morning. It's reading like really bad fanfic. Can't write for shit right now.

So. Many. Fucking. Typos.

Slap me with a raw tarakihi until I make sense, please?

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAA I NEVER KNEW IT'S ENGLISH NAME BEFORE. JACKASS MORWONG. OMFG I'M DYING. HELP I CAN'T BREATHE. THIS IS PRICELESS. I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SERVE IN SEAFOOD AGAIN!

Oh, also; new hoop isn't here yet. Home of Poi emailed Miles on FRIDAY to say that they hadn't shipped yet because they didn't have the clubs in the colour he ordered.

For a place that prides itself on overnight shipping they're a bit fucking slow on the communication front, don't you think?

~Peri

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

I feel like I'm going insane.

(Yeah, yeah. Going. Verb confusion?)

Sleep is becoming increasingly erratic again after it almost stabilised, and the last 2 days I've been flying on loopyness and giggles because of it.

THAT DOESN'T FUCKING HAPPEN.

Except when it does. Once in a blue moon. Like this.

At work last night Lia asked if I was high. Sorry honey, but I'm not.

I wanted to go to the gym today, but panicked and re-booked for tomorrow since leaving the house is way too fucking terrifying right now.

Mum came over this morning and told me that the person who knocked over (Armed robbery) the Balmoral Dairy to get some Not-Pot (Synthetic marajuana) was one of the tossers that used to live here with Dropkick Bro.

Thankfully he's in jail now. Hopefully he doesn't pick up any new tricks while inside.

She also said that the new car she brought with the money Nana.M (Her Mum) left her makes her cry every time she sees it.

I felt guilty and said I'd go round for tea with her and one of the nieces tonight.

I panicked and piked at the last minute and stayed home.

Right now I can't do people, let alone family.

ESPECIALLY not her and Dad and bacon&egg pie.

Miles is starting another freelance job today, so he won't be home until after tonight's jump-scare.

Hopefully I can be social again by then.

Or asleep. I still have zopiclone but I haven't been taking them because I like knowing they're there, and I'm sorta afraid that they'll wreck this nice loopy buzz I have right now.

High on sleep deprivation. Isn't that sick?

I only have one more venlafaxine left, so tomorrow I must leave the house to pick up a refill and therefore may as well do other things too.

I'm hating myself so much right now for sooking out of the gym. Part I-need-to-work-out and part I-should-be-able-to-just-suck-it-up-and-deal.

Ugh, I just want to lock myself inside and not go out for a few weeks.

~Peri