Monday, 31 December 2012

You Need To Watch This

And show it to people who don't understand.

Watch it WITH people who don't understand.

This guy is fucking BRAVE.

Standing up and talking about his hell and continuing to talk through the tears.

FUCKING STANDING OVATION from me.

I think it should be titled "Mental Illness and Why EVERYONE Should Give a Shit" 

It doesn't matter who or what believe in concerning the realm of deities, you should stop letting ignorant bullshit OF ANY KIND needlessly kill people. 

It doesn't matter who is spreading it or why, if it's bullshit that hurts people we all need to stand against it.

EDIT: Trigger warning, he mentions weight and talks graphically about behaviours






I also made you a vlog after I got sent home from work.

Looking at the screen too long hurts. I've been listening to talks and stuff and learning more crochet tricks.




Also: I rang MHS this morning to confirm when my next appointment is, since I didn't know.

You proud of me?

I'm not so proud of me for missing the chance to slip off the radar, but you know how it goes. I've pinkie promised and promised to give competent care a try.

Have a good new years eve everyone.

 xoxo

~Peri  

Sunday, 30 December 2012

Russian Roulette Isn't The Same Without a Gun

I feel like a comet that has an elliptical orbit around a black hole.

Every time I approach it I get a little bit closer to the point of no return.

Skim the event horizon and pull away, just barely.

Right now I'm not very near the hole. At least, I don't think I am.

I could be spinning farther away or heading right for it again, I have no way of telling.

Maybe I'm just spinning around on the edge like an insane ballet dancer, and when I think I'm fine I'm really just looking in the other direction.

Whatever.

These things go in cycles. I'm either falling apart or in denial.

Today we're having 'Severe Rain Events', which means I got to spend about 1.5 hours frantically barricading and squeegee-ing and mopping the water that came flooding into the store.

It was 2inches deep halfway down the Dairy fridges, 1/3rd of the way down Aisle 9, 1/4 of the way down Aisle 10 and 1/4 of the way along the back of the shop.

Since Deli was so fucking quiet I handled Aisle 9 by myself, using my drainage and water-containment skills for the first time since my Equine Studies course in High School. I stuck around after other staff got pulled back, since there were two other staff in the Deli and it wasn't fair to let the Duty Manager deal with it by herself.

Town got hit hard. The main street flash-flooded really bad. Seafood Dude's partner said she was wading up to her knees and the Meridian Mall was an absolute wreck.

I wonder if anyone is kayaking the Leith today?



Fuck that looks like fun.

2:20 they get to Otago University, where I studied.

If anyone wants to see what it looks like for me driving home over the Kilmog, go here. Of course, I'm driving a 250cc cruiser so I'm only hitting 80km/hr up the hill.

We used to count the bridges in and out of town on trips to visit Glamour Nana in Geraldine and Christchurch. Little ritual from before the official boundary markers were put in to know when you were really home or not.

Miles is out at Whare Flat for the festival and he says it's a bit damp but otherwise fine.

After work today I was so tired and hungry and sick and shaky I was dying to binge.

Wanted to SO BAD I got a completely different set of shakes to the 'I just spent an hour mopping and missed a break' ones.

Stood there with my $10 planning what to get. Dreaming of the combinations and the food and texture and flavour and and and.

SO. MUCH. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT.

As I was planning and plotting and wandering the aisles I slowly realised that I really didn't want the self-hatred I would inevitably feel afterwards.

I haven't let myself start puking; I am limited to one stomach filling and I must keep EVERYTHING in until laxatives can kick in, which takes fucking HOURS.

Of course, I do use the incredible feeling of fullness as an anaesthetic to numb bad feelings (Case in point: All of last year), but I today I really couldn't handle dealing with the binge-self-hatred ontop of the shitty work day and sickness and tiredness.

So: No binge.

I did get a pack of mini fruit mince tarts and ate them all for tea. My first fruit mince tarts all year, and I'm addicted to those things.

Dralion got some kitty milk, since she's finished shedding her winter coat and I'm freaking out that she's too skinny without it.

I want to sleep forever and  not go to work tomorrow.



~Peri

Friday, 28 December 2012

Infectious

My brain is officially plagueridden. It has taken me ALL FUCKING DAY to put this together.

I'm sorry, it's still going to be shit.

Christmas was good to me.

Notable things include a sheep bag and Feather Yarn from AwesomeBoss, a gorgeous wooden bowl from Miles (I adore hand-turned wood things), things to make my house smell nice, coffee syrups and silly Mum got me hair straighteners.

Mother doesn't seem to recall that I bought salon-awesome hair straighteners through her best friend's hair salon at least 2 years before I moved out of the parental home, or that she used them more than I did!

So now I have a Farmers voucher for the value of the straighteners.

I don't use makeup enough to need to buy any and I don't dress posh so I'll probably get a dozen nice pairs of stockings so I can wear skirts this summer.

Since I'm still sick I can't smell a fucking thing and my sense of taste is reduced to that of a pack-a-day smoker. I'll let you know how the house smellies go when I leave the ranks of the mouthbreathers.

I tried one of the coffee syrups before my sense of taste packed a sad, so I can safely tell you that I HATE almond/amaretto syrup. It makes me think that someone is trying to poison me.

Miles has gone out to Whare Flat to set up the folk festival for New Years. He's coming back into town on the 1st of January just for our 3-year anniversary.

We're having a picnic or something, I think. If it rains we could watch movies.

I honestly can't process anything beyond if/when I'm working and if/when I get to sleep. Miles keeps asking me what I want to do for our anniversary and I have no bloody idea! Something involving him and me?

He has been adorable. Since the theatre is closed for the holidays and he has time off he has been bringing me in coffees while I'm at work and giving me rides home.

No idea what to get him for our anniversary.

I'll find something.

If the brain fail  continues it will be fancy plunger coffee and something circus- or film-related.

Weight wise I officially didn't gain or lose anything over Christmas. Just normal fluctuations. Woot!

Fuck I wish this cold would go away so I can go to the gym.

On the bright side, if nobody else gets sick I get to go first next time we play Pandemic!

~Peri

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Boxing Day

Christmas went ok.

It was stupidly hot.

According to Uncle Who Lived In Singapore, 25*c in Dunedin feels the same as 33*c anywhere else.

Family part involved too much food, naturally.

Escaped after 2 hours to go to Kay and Steve's place.

Met a cute bunny they're bunnysitting and their new kitten and some more of Kay's family.

Disturbed the hell out of her weird Canadian Mother-In-Law.

I can see why you didn't want her, Canada.

Got sunburned, stood in the paddling pool until the kids took it over with splashing.

Did drink some white wine in the sun.

Well, in the shade.

Went home at 4 to lie on the floor coz I've got some sort of cough/cold.

I sounds like a man.

A nasal, snuffly man.

Probably got sick because over the 3 nights prior to yesterday I got a total of 11 hours of sleep.

Kerys is going to be PISSED.

Got to skype my Starsister Nina this morning.

It was awesome.

She is awesome.

Totally made my day.

Tried to go Boxing Day shopping but my temperature spiked and I nearly passed out.

Oops.

Did manage to get 2 new DVDs, the Apple Family MLP figurines and a calendar.

Tried to visit Nana, but RestyHome has a no-visit-if-you're-sick enforcement atm.

They're worried about a potential flu epidemic.

Fair enough.

We handed over gifts via a staff-member in the foyer.

My head is going to fall off, more details later.

Love you all <3 p="p">


~Peri

Monday, 24 December 2012

Unlisted Vlog: Triggering

I grouch about working on Christmas Eve, the snackage that Management supplied for us, Doctors visit, getting an Official Weighing sprung on me unannounced, talk about weights, Christmas food and behaviours.

Watch me indulge in some serious avoidant behaviour when I approach difficult-to-verbalise topics!

That will be why it's long.



If you're avoiding triggers, it's safe to watch until I say I'm going into triggering shit. Then stop and go watch two grown men muck about and burn stuff in a computer game here.

I'm going to ring MHS when they're open between Boxing Day and New Years and check when my next appointment is. I checked and I have lost the piece of paper.

As for behaviours: I'm going to do my best to resist the more destructive ones I indulge in and try not to lose my shit entirely over the next two days.

Right now I'm in "Lest just do this shit and not think too much" mode.

Just survive the silly season.

~Peri

Sunday, 23 December 2012

Lol and Six Months?

I'm fucking knackered after today.

Tomorrow is going to be MENTAL.

Miles is being awesome and bringing me a coffee at some point :3

Man do I wish I could sleep in on the 25th, but every year I've tried that I get my youngest brother ringing me at 9:30 asking me where the hell I am so we can do presents and fire up the BBQ.

-.-

I got a Christmas present from Polly today. I was naughty and opened it after she had gone home, since ONE MORE PARCEL added to the little pile for Dralion and I would make me snap and open them ALL.

And my Lovely Neighbour would be extremely upset at my lack of self control, not to mention Cinnamon!

You ever seen the movie District 9? Be warned: Pissed off South Africans are EVEN SCARIER in real life.

Do yourself a favour and get the fuck out of the way if you ever see one coming with their Mission Face on.

Lol, Polly's pressie explained why she kept asking what my favourite colour was and her incessant harping on about our relative clothing sizes.

She got me blue fishnet gloves and a green plastic dangly-spinny thing (Like this but solid green and without the top bit) from the $2 shop, and pyjamas.

PYJAMAS.

BLUE PYJAMAS.

BLOODY PYJAMAS.

It was hilarious! I nearly fell over because I was laughing so hard. It's classic. Best. gift. EVER!

I'm actually being serious here.

Since it was the biggest package for someone who wasn't in management Kirk and Lia declared that Polly and I were obviously BFFs.

Nah. She's just the only person from High School I still talk to, and that's only because we work together.

She also got Lia some nice shower gel and Kirk didn't open his so we don't know what he got. Since he is currently the object of Polly's periodic ObsessionCrush we got our own back for his asshole comments from last week and said it was probably a heart-shaped locket with a photo of her and some of her hair in it.

Cheap thrills.

Unmerciful teasing is how we react to the pressure of hundreds of stressed, cranky, overheated, fucking RUDE customers.

I've got my appointment for the 6-month review of the Venlafaxine tomorrow morning.

Shit, six months already?

How the hell did that happen?

I'm lighter than I was this time last year (about 9kgs lighter) , and way lighter (nearly 11kgs lighter) than I was in March and April, FINALLY undoing the massive gain and Overweight BMI caused by depressed binges and meds-related blood pressure fuckups. Somehow I've finally been shunted into therapy and managed to acquire some pretty epic neighbours.

Everything else is a blur.

I just realised that I don't know when my next appointment with Kerys is. I've lost the bit of paper. I know it was for some time in the second week of January, but I'm not sure when.

Shit.

It might be best if I just forget to go. I'm wasting her time anyway.

This "Positive log" thing is fucking pointless.

How can I write good things about me if there IS NOTHING GOOD ABOUT ME.

I don't fucking know.

Taking all the facts of my existence and turning them on their head is like trying to envisage four-dimensional space.

Completely fucking impossible.

Fuck, that's a topic for another day. I have to finish Hope and Lockee's presents and wrap Miles' presents tonight because he's coming over tomorrow and I can't wrap them when he's here.

~Peri

Friday, 21 December 2012

*Puts another notch in Apocalypse belt*

This is the only joke I'm allowing myself at the expense of all the morons at work who forced me to listen to their endless nonsense over the last week.



NOW CAN WE ALL GET BACK TO THE BUSINESS OF TRYING TO SURVIVE THE HOLIDAY SEASON WITHOUT GAINING MORE LEVELS IN OUR INSANITY STATS?!?!

I know that I for one am already starting the panic at the thought of a full day of nonstop food and being unable to get into the gym for two weeks due to their holiday schedule.

Deep breaths, deep breaths.

It was 'Christmas Games Night' tonight and we did gifts for the Games Crew early.

Laurie's Captain America mask was a massive hit and so was the yarn I got for Belinda and Kay. (Awww yeah I'm on FIRE!) There was loud squealing over the fluro pink and green 8ply XD

I got a MONSTROUS can of Moccona coffee, some Monster High swag and a christmas pudding.

Yup, a microwavable christmas pudding.

That was Belinda. She always gets us random food.

Next year I'm going to get her a box of scorched almonds and individually wrap every single one of them.

It will be hilarious!

~Peri

Thursday, 20 December 2012

Vlog of Random Shit

I made a Vlog!

I try to flex for you, but I'm so pasty I blend into my clothing.




A few random bits:

1) The neighbours did their yearly tree-maintenance so I've lost my lovely shady branches but now I have a view again

2) The Cool Couple (Some regular customers) made the whole store gifts again. I got another pretty handtowel to hang from my stove! AwesomeBoss got a 'Damnit Doll' (A doll you smack against things while swearing. She used it a lot today)

3) If I hear ONE MORE PERSON wank on about how "the world is going to end" tomorrow, I may lose my shit completely. IT'S THE END OF A CALENDAR CYCLE. NOTHING MORE.

4) Ditto for Nostradamus. Interpretations of his (nearly impossible to clearly translate) quatrains in relation to events they supposedly predicted are nothing more than a post-hoc exercise in various forms of confirmation bias.

5) I think I say 'like' too much. Need to fix that.

~Peri

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Oh Fuck (Plus Minor Rant)

Two things.

Number One:
I tried to get the last renewal on my prescription early so I'm not stuck without meds over the start of January when shops are closed.

They decided to give me a follow-up appointment for the Venlafaxine and they gave me Christmas Eve about 45mins before I'm supposed to clock in.

The doctors is a 30min drive (without traffic) from work.

Oh fuck me.

AwesomeBoss is going to be so pissed off.



Number Two:
Miles commented today that he thinks I'm more into girls than guys because he sees the female "fitspo" and circo girls in my Tumblr archive when I go to show him something funny.

He must think that the death of our sex life is due to underlying lesbianism instead of a simple and complete aversion to physical contact.

The boy must switch his ears off whenever I point out that I'm not a lesbian because I like guys TOO and that I couldn't put up with another female's neurotic bullshit long-term.

I get enough of that from myself and bitches at work, kthnx.

Now that I don't immediately want to vomit when I see myself naked and the scars on my legs have healed enough that they're no longer raised I guess I'll have to screw up the courage to fuck him again.

We also need to have another talk.

If he doesn't want to be with me any more he should just say so instead of pulling the nice-guy martyr card and hanging around hoping that if he just waits long enough I'll be magically fixed and want to settle down and have babies and all that shit.

I wouldn't mind settling down and stuff, but no matter HOW close to normal I get I will NEVER have babies.

No that is NOT a symptom of mental illness. Some girls just don't WANT to have kids.

Why the fuck is that so hard for people to understand?

People don't bat an eyelid when guys say they don't want a family, but when a baby-making machine woman says this, the reply is invariably "Oh, you will one day", and that you're "just going through a phase" and you'll "change your mind"

That, or they act like you're some dangerous psycho whose about to snap and smear your poo in their face.

-.-

Some people want to have kids and some don't. Whoop-tee-fucking-doo.

IT SHOULDN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR CHOICE IS, PEOPLE SHOULD FUCKING RESPECT IT.

If someone doesn't want to have kids I'm not about to forcibly make them do so.

Likewise if someone wants to have kids I'm not about to stand in their way.

Kids are fantastic, I just don't want any of my own.

Who the fuck would want a suicidally depressed woman with messed-up eating and an abusive parenting model for a mother?

I personally wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I've explained all this to Miles and he has gone from pushing the us-breeding idea to pushing the adoption idea instead.

/facepalm

I've told him repeatedly and emphatically that I do NOT want children and that if he reallyreally wants to have kids he needs to find someone else before biological clocks start ticking.

Our relationship will be three years on January 1st.

He forgot the first one, which was hilarious. (He picked the day because he thought it would be easy to remember. His reaction was the best possible anniversary gift. I nearly pissed myself, omfg)

The second one I worked because everyone was home for holidays/away on holidays.

This year I've also missed Valentines's Day and his birthday thanks to work.

I've also become more distant because I want him to fuck off and let me die. Feeling like a shitty girlfriend for being too depressed to hang out and needing time to myself after work really doesn't help.

He has lost 7/8ths of his hearing and never wears his hearing aids, so I have no idea if he can hear me when I try to talk to him about it.

We don't ever do the things we used to, like watch movies (at home so we can use subtitles so he can understand) or go to the beach or the gardens. Or do anything really. He's too busy and I'm too antisocial.

I can fake socialness when I have to. But when I don't have the energy to do this I get angry and tired and become offensive to force people to leave me the fuck alone.

Oh balls to this.

It's too hot, I'm tired and I'm shitty.

I'm going to bed.



~Peri

Monday, 17 December 2012

Grumpy Pants With No Energy To Grump

This is me today:


Work was arse. They didn't really need me so I spent most of the day filling the cheesebar and dealing with Chatterbox's attitude after she got in the shit for taking an order for a service that we don't provide for a department she doesn't even work in.

*Beats head against wall*

I also think my GP is checking up on me. Several weeks in a row now he has been doing his grocery shop at my store during my shift and coming through the Deli.

It makes me suspicious because I've been doing this shift ALL YEAR and only seen him shop twice before on Monday nights. Regulars get into routines and you worry if you don't see them in their regular times for more than a fortnight in a row.

You notice when they change their routines.

Especially if they're the good ones, not assholes like Feta Guy or kinda creepy like Stinky Luncheon Man.

Did someone tell the GP I'm not being therapised again until January?

Hayfever and the heat are kicking my ass.

(Trigger warning for rest of post. Skip nao kthnx)

I binged today for the first time in months.

I don't know what I'm trying to numb away with it, and tomorrow I'm going to be pissed when I see the scales.

They moved UP when I went back to work and haven't come back down by much despite all the extra running around for the silly season. Still stuck on the high end of 59kg.

This gustatory stunt today will really fuck me up.

I'm not going back to 70kg again, no fucking way. 2012 can take that and keep it in the past where it belongs.

FUCK I need to train more. I cut back when I went back to work so I didn't fall on my face and get sick without any sick days. I'm pretty much adjusted now.

Time to kick it up a notch.

~Peri

Editing Wikipedia? Am I Finally a Big Kid?

I just edited my first wikipedia page!

I finally feel like my essay skills aren't being wasted. Mild excitement going on over here.

(EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Cheap thrills -.-)

The New Zealand Skeptics wiki page went from being this rabid advertisement that bordered on rabble-rousing:

"The New Zealand Skeptics comprises a network of New Zealanders including magicians, teachers, scientists, health professionals and many others from all walks of life. Members have a variety of worldviews, but are all interested in examining what objective scientific support there is for claims of such things as psychic abilities, alternative health practices, creationism and other areas where science and pseudo-science interact.
Skeptics question practices that take advantage of people at their most vulnerable - cancer patients seeking alternative cures, grief-stricken bereaved seeking contact with the dead. These kinds of practices often prey upon the trust, hopes and fears, and exploit the lay public's lack of specialist knowledge. Where the potential for harm exists - whether physical, mental, emotional or economic - sceptics consider it unethical not to challenge such claims."


 To this slightly calmer and hopefully more neutral beast:

"The New Zealand Skeptics comprises a network of New Zealanders from all walks of life, who hold a variety of worldviews. What they have in common an interest in examining what objective scientific support there is for potentially pseudoscientific claims. The main areas of interest to the New Zealand Skeptics are debunking the claims of psychic abilities, alternative medicine, and creationism.
Skeptics question the kinds of practices that can be used prey upon the general public by exploiting their lack of specialist knowledge and any pre-existing vulnerability. Where the potential for harm exists many sceptics consider it unethical not to challenge the claims that are being made."

I have absolutely no idea who these people are, I just hate anything associated with New Zealand having that horrible orange (!) This reads like an advertisement! shitstain on it.

The sheer number of links are probably what is keeping it there. I'm  just going to ignore that, since I fixed the bit that bugged me the most. (Isn't denial fantastic!)

Also my grammar command is questionable right now since work was mental and I should have been in bed 3 hours ago.

Between this and understaffing work is going to be pure hell tomorrow.

~Peri

Saturday, 15 December 2012

Mixed Bag of Fuckery

I tried to vlog this but Hayfever season is kicking my ass. Uncontrollably itching eyes makes me a cranky bitch, and I don't want to sit here gnawing on an iceblock like a demented rabbit for the whole video.

I fucking hate summer.

It's too hot and as soon as the grass starts blooming I want to claw my eyes out.

The only antihistamine that doesn't give me migraines is no longer available OTC thanks to fuckwits who like to make P/Meth out of it, so I can't fucking get any decent relief until after the new year when the doctor has appointment space.

Thank goodness I discovered the iceblock trick.

Eating an iceblock brings down the swelling in the sinuses and slightly relieves the itching eyes for a hayfever attack. Cools your whole head right down. PURE GOLD.

In summer you can ALWAYS find iceblocks in my freezer.

Right now I have juicies. I can't decide if I like the berry or the apple ones best.

Oh yeah, I already got payback for that last NaNo chapter. Honor you don't need to make kicked-puppy faces at me, I've already been punished enough!

I spent all last night having nightmares. Woke up exhausted from adrenaline, terror and rage.

For the first part of the night I was watching everyone around me get brutally murdered as they tried to protect me from a dark god. Had to hide under a bed and watch while three people were ripped limb from limb for trying to hide me from him.

For the rest of the night I was one of the people trying to protect the first person I'd dreamed.

Watching the clock count down to my death, trying to keep the target calm and safe and oblivious to the situation around her while fighting with everything to keep her alive. Knowing I only had two hours until I would be dismembered and full of anger that I couldn't change it.

I think at one point I was so angry I beat a car into a pile of scrap metal with my bare hands. I was supposed to be distracting the god from going after our people that were tying to get the target out of the building and to safety.

Yes, sleep is SO restful -.-

Work today started quiet then got busy. Graduation+Cruise ships.

I skipped out of there gleefully carrying my copies of the Hunger Games trilogy, waving them at my coworkers saying 'ERMAGHERD BERKS!' and disturbing the poor confused Cruisebeasts and GradParents.

Sometimes that bookclub has good things.

*Points at quilting book and hunger games*

Mostly it's diet books, sports star autobiographies, notepads and picture books.

They must decide their stock based on a very narrow range of stereotypical supermarket employees that, for the most part, DO NOT EXIST AT OUR STORE.

/facepalm

My last piece of random shit before I fuck off to watch comedy and drool over my expanding bookshelf is that I have FINALLY learned how to crochet spheres.

So Miles will be getting hand-made juggling balls for Christmas.

Since I couldn't face the thought of going into work on my day off to acquire some form of inedible dried beans for stuffing, they're stuffed with ornamental polished stones from the craft aisle of the Warewhare.

He can test them out and if he likes them I'll stick with rocks.

Actually. . . . he will be using them around small children so for the next set I should switch to something less potentially injurious  100grms of anything hard can be pretty painful when it hits your head and he's not the best for thinking things through when he gets excited.

Example One:
He did some sleight-of-hand for Hope when she was two, making her think he's swallowed a small toy before pulling it out of her hear. She spent the rest of the day shoving random things into her gob to see if they'd come out of her ears.
Neither Hope's mother or myself were impressed and I had to use small words to explain to Miles why Hope's Mum was grumpy with him.

Example Two:
At games night last night I was playing on the floor with Lauriespawn and Miles decide to try to pick me up. Before doing this the man did NOT check to make sure he wasn't standing on my hair. He has massive feet. After an incredible amount of pain I am now a lot balder than I was yesterday morning. No bare patches, but the side that sustained the worst damage has noticeably less hair. He felt really guilty when I picked my hair up off the floor and finger-combed the rest of the lost stuff out. I'd gotten all the dead stuff out in the shower at the gym, so it was all GOOD hair!
It's going to take years to grow it back, asshole. My hair grows slowly.

Fuck, you'd think that when someone gets that close to thirty and they are regularly hired to work with small children they would learn to think things through a bit more.

It's hard enough to think for one person sometimes, let alone two!

Because of the holidays I'm not going to be seeing Kerys until the second week of January. I'm under orders to ring her if I need to, but we all know I won't.

Roman circus?

Fuck this. Time for something funny.

~Peri

Friday, 14 December 2012

NaNo2012 Chapter Eleven: To Hell In A Handbasket

This is where the serious wordpadding and horrible sentences reach their zenith >.<

It was during the middle of this chapter that I hit 50k and won NaNoWriMo for this year.

I'm slowly working on wrapping it up in the next chapter. Two more max.

I want this shit finished so I can start editing.


What lead to this:



Now everything really goes to hell.

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.


Chapter Eleven

  When the fighters of the other races who had massed to bring what they thought would be freedom and safety to their kin reached the Hibernation Chambers, they were sweating inside their armour in the volcanic heat that filled the subterranean halls. They stood for a while, even the commanders forgetting discipline at the awe inspiring sight of hundreds of dragons of all sizes, shapes colours and patterns sleeping on their sand and stone couches as if dead, surrounded by a pale glow that made them seem like unearthly statues. While the temperature inside the cavern was not hot enough to actually kill anyone, it made them very uncomfortable and could cause heatstroke if they had to actually do battle for too long without water. Those who were in charge sent requests to the surface for more water to be brought down, and while these commands were being carried out they ordered their men to begin what they had come here for and spent their lives training for. They then set about the bloody work of dispatching the sleeping dragons.

  Something that nobody remembered, not the fighters that were intent on bringing death to the sleeping dragons nor even the dragons themselves, was that the spell price that bound the dragons to their deathlike stasis of hibernation for ever second millennium was itself bound by several caveats and conditions. Those responsible for casting the spell that healed the destruction of the Great Eruption had not wanted to leave their friends and loved ones completely defenceless in a potentially hostile world. The Millennial Hibernation was bound to break for a limited period of time if a certain number of the sleeping dragons were suddenly killed within a short space of time, say for a cave in or another eruption or if some enterprising large predator had come upon what it say to be an endless supply of free dinners. This was to prevent the price of the spell that saved the dragons from dying out during the Great Eruption from in turn causing their extinction at a later date.

  The long ago spell casters had not counted on the cause of death being a large and well-armed force of their fellow thinking beings. The dragons themselves had not thought that the other races of the world would ever grow to hate and fear them so much that they would take advantage of their helplessness during the Millennial Hibernation to attempt to wipe them out entirely. They had thought that their city, built as it was inside the crater of a massive volcano that was almost completely impenetrable to a foe on foot, would protect them. Many had thought that even the subtle disguising and hiding in plain sight of the entrance to the Hibernation Chambers was the worst kind of overkill. They had not realised that even with the changes that had been made to it since it had been built, they would still be able to be found by an intelligent and determined foe that was driven by fear and hatred.

  Since they had assumed that the dragons would remain unconscious and be completely helpless against them, the fighters that the other races had managed against all odds to get into the Hibernation Chambers to deal with the dragons did not do more than make a cursory check to ensure that they knew the general layout of the place and where all the dragons were before they set about their slaughter. They determined that they would go through room by room, eliminating all of the dragons in each room before moving on to the next room and then next and then the next and so on until they had eradicated the dragons as a living race in their entirety and relegated them to the annals of history as a lesson to any of the other races as to what would happen if one of them started abusing the others in any way.

  Those who were in charge issued orders and the warriors of the other races moved to the sides of the sleeping dragons and positioned their pikes and spears and halberds for their initial strikes. Any of them who felt any twinge of conscience about sneaking in like assassins to butcher a sleeping foe firmed their resolve with the reminder that if they did not do this thing now, then these very same dragons who had caused so much trouble for their ancestors would awaken again in a few hundred years to plague their own grandchildren and great grandchildren. The signal was given, officers shouting a single word to the men who stood with their pole weapons held in readiness, positioned the closed eyelids of great draconic eyes; ready to drive through the weak spot at the back of the socket and into the brain. For a moment the voice of command lingered in the hot, still air of the first of the Hibernation Chambers, and then the spears and pikes came down and the room became an abattoir.

  The plan had been a good one from the point of view of those who had come to do the killing. The first room full of dragons died without making a fuss or even a single sound. The men rammed their weapons home as deep and as hard as they could with accuracy that had been built upon a lifetime of training and strength that hand been honed by hammering on buildings for months on end. After jamming their weapons as deeply as they could into the eyes of the sleeping dragons, the men ducked and hugged the base of the sleeping platforms as closely as they could to avoid the flailing wings, tails, heads and clawed feet of the dragons they had just killed as the spell holding them in stasis for the Millennial Hibernation was shattered and they thrashed violently in their death throes. Draconic blood fountained everywhere, splashing over hides of grey and black and cream, brown and green and blue as they went into a riot of colours of pain and shock before reverting back the owner’s normal colours and patterns as death overtook them and they once again lay still.

  For a few minutes after the violence of the death throes of the first room of dragons had passed and they once again lay still, the only sound was the slow dripping of blood from the slaughtered dragons. Then the commanders of the warriors of the other races shouted orders and their men stood shakily to assess the damage to their numbers caused by the violent thrashing and flailing of the dying dragons. Many had not been able to duck out of the way in time and had been smashed to death themselves or sustained grave injuries. Those who were injured were ordered back out to the surface for medical treatment, and a squadron was left behind to arrange the bodies of those who had not survived for transportation back to the surface. Survivors, though drenched in blood, were re-formed into their units and they retrieved those of their weapons that had not been smashed to pieces from the heads of their fallen foes. Those whose weapons had been destroyed during the dying spasms of the dragons were given replacements and they went to the next Hibernation Chamber to repeat their slaughter.

  The dragon population was much larger than it had been at the time the spell had been cast for the saving of the draconic race and the rest of the world form the destruction of the Great Eruption, and thus the conditions that bound the price of the spell that were needed to awaken the dragons did not begin to take effect until the warriors of the other races were over half way through butchering the occupants of the second of the Hibernation Chambers. Dragons began awakening all throughout the Hibernation Chambers, confused and sluggish and wondering why they could smell a horrible stench of blood and death and hear noises that had no place in the normally silent underground caverns.

  It was when the sound of agonized shrieking from those who had just begun awakening when the weapons of the warriors pierced their eyes rent the air that the confused drowsiness was abruptly banished from the rest of the dragon population in a wave of horror and panic. Some of the more alert adults, those who had experienced several Millennial Hibernations and were used to having to fighting their way up from the depths of the deathlike sleep leapt to their feet and went to investigate the noise and the smell from the Hibernation Chambers that were closest to the entrance. They stood in the entrance to the second of the outer chambers and turned whiter than sun bleached bone in horror at what they saw.

  The room was filled with blood and dead and dying dragons. Draconic blood ran in rivers across the floor towards them and they could see though the archway and short corridor to the first of the chambers that there was even more blood and horror to be found in the first of the rooms. Armed and armoured beings of the other races, already soaked in blood from their initial round of slaughter, were engaged in tugging their weapons from the eyes sockets of dead dragons and attempting to finish off those who had not been killed before they began to wake up. The dragons that had begun to awaken before the death blow had been dealt had moved as the spears and pikes of the warriors had come down, so they had been blinded instead of killed instantly. The blinded dragons were in incredible pain, some screamed as they tried to remove the weapons from their eyes and others, realising the danger that was upon them, tried to ignore their pain and sudden disability and fight back against their attackers.

  It was complete pandemonium, and some of the dragons who had not been in the hibernation chamber that was currently under attack turned a violent scarlet in rage rushed forward shrieking in fury to attempt to save their friends and their families. The dragons who had been blinded could not see who or what had attacked them or what was going on, they slashed out with their taloned forefeet and bit blindly at anything that did not smell of dragon. Unfortunately for them and those who tried to assist them, everything in the room either smelled of dragon or dragon blood. What had been up until now a controlled and organised butchering of somnolent dragons swiftly became a bloody, chaotic brawl as uninjured dragons tried to save their friends and confused fighters quickly formed little groups and closed ranks and began to use what weapons they still had to keep the pain crazed and angry dragons at bay.

  The more cautious heads amongst the other races that had been involved in the planning for this endeavour had ordered that marksmen with high powered longbows and crossbows be included in the assault force. The reasons they had given were that if the dragons proved too difficult to approach in their death throes for a clean kill then an arrow that had been dipped in a paralytic toxin or a heavy crossbow bolt to the chest would speed up the process. The tacticians had also pointed out that while projectile weapons were manifestly silly when used indoors against foes the same size as you, the dragons racial claustrophobia lead them to build on a scale that would make any of their buildings as good as the outdoors for any marksman to fight in, and that the dragons were so blasted large when compared to the other races that a marksman worth his salt would find it extremely difficult to shoot someone of his own side when faced with several dozen dragons who were confined to the ground and lost their major advantage of aerial manoeuvrability in a fight.

  As the frantic dragons desperately tried to get their thrashing, fighting friends back behind them and into the relative safety of the other hibernation chambers the commanders began shouting orders. The fighters of the other races fell back into lines across the blood soaked hibernation chamber, pole weapons to the fore, while archers came running carefully through the carnage of the first chamber and took up positions behind them. While dragons whose rage red or terrified pale hides were soaked in the blood of their friends hauled thrashing dragons backwards by main force, the bowmen knelt in the sticky pools of blood that were already drying in the heat of the hibernation chamber. They took their position behind the protective line of warriors who were carrying pole arms and took careful aim at the moving mass of dragons. At a sharply barked command, they fired.

  Bowstrings hummed and a line of deadly projectiles streaked unerringly towards their targets. The arrows and crossbow bolts flew across the carnage that filled the room, thudding into the uninjured dragons that had stayed to guard the doorway after the last of the wounded had been forced through it. Shock and pain turned furiously red hides pale and mottled underneath the splashes of blood that were drying on them, cries of pain and outrage almost drowning out the order for the bowmen to reload. The poison that coated the projectiles of the longbow men began to take effect faster than it normally would, due to the fact that there were simply so many arrows stuck in each dragon that a dosage several times more than would be lethal entered their bloodstream within a few seconds of the arrows leaving the bowstrings.

  The dragons cried their pain and outrage, and as the paralytic poison that the arrows had been dipped in reached their bloodstream they collapsed to the floor. The injured dragons that had been forced to retreat to the other hibernation chambers heard their rescuers hit the floor and demanded to know what had happened. Those who had been able to see what had happened were not able to speak, shocked into silence at the cold and organised brutality that had descended upon them while they slept.

  At another command the warriors armed with pole weapons advanced across the blood sticky floor of the chamber they had already taken, moving around the bodies of those dragons they had managed to kill in the first wave of the attack on the room. The bowmen stayed where they were, those who were armed with crossbows making good use of the time to cock and reload their crossbows. They rose and moved forward, taking cover behind sleeping platforms and the corpses of dragons half way down the room to provide covering fire if the dragons decided to retaliate without warning. Once again men moved in to take care of those who had been unlucky enough to fall victim to the death throes of those they had killed or who had been killed by the dragons that had awoken before the death blows could fall. Some move forward and began to attempt to clear the corpses of the dragons who had fallen victim to the paralytic poison on the arrows from the doorway to the next hibernation chamber.

  It was about this time that reinforcements started arriving, news of the dragons awakening had reached the surface along with the call for the bowmen, and a squadron of dwarves arrived along with the relief. They carried massive axes for shearing through bone and meat so that they could chop a way by main force through the mammoth corpses that would inevitably block the advance of their forces through the complex of Hibernation Chambers. No matter how strong any of the other races were, there was no way that they would be able to move a dead dragon or a dragon that did not want to be moved.

  By this time, deep within the complex of Hibernation Chambers underneath the volcano that housed the Dragon City, all the dragons were awake. The spell that bound them to the sleep of the Millennial Hibernation had reached the critical point of dragons killed in a short space of time and had released them all from the lethargy and the spell that took them out of time. There was confusion in the chambers furthest away from the carnage, as the dragon’s internal sense of time told them that not enough time had elapsed from when they had entered the Millennial Hibernation for this to be a normal reawakening.

  News of the attack on the Hibernation Chambers spread quickly from room to room when confused and grumpy dragons demanded to know what on earth was going on. As the smell of blood permeated the entire complex and the sounds of battle as the assault on the third of the Hibernation Chambers began, a creeping horror began to dawn on the surviving dragons. They were trapped deep underground, entombed in solid rock and the only way out of the Hibernation Chambers was the same way that they had come in by to begin the millennial Hibernation.  It was the same way that the other races had used to get in to begin killing the dragons in their sleep without any explanation as to why they were doing so. The way out was blocked by a well-armed and bloodthirsty force that knew the dragons weaknesses and took full advantage of them.

  Some of the dragons lost their heads entirely and began to panic, reverting to their earlist instincts when faced with the awfulness of the situation. The panicked dragons screamed their terror and attempting to fly out through the solid stone of the roof, irrationally throwing themselves against solid basaltic rock in their desperate desire to escape. There was at least one casualty from a breaking neck before the healers realised what would happen if the rest of the dragons lost control of their fear in the contagion of panic at being trapped in an enclosed space and faced with certain death. They quickly stunned the panicking dragons with spells that put them back into a sleep similar to the one that all dragons had been in for the Millennial Hibernation until it broke under the weight of the deaths caused by the attack of the fighters of the other races.

  With those who were an immediate danger to themselves safely sleeping in defensible corners of the hibernation chambers, the dragons tried to work out what on earth was going on and what they could do about it. Those who tried to defend their friends and family and slow the advance of the oncoming army through the Hibernation Chambers were quickly slain by the poisonous arrows of the archers, and those who tried to build a wall of their own bodies as they succumbed to the toxin could not slow the advance for long. The dwarves were able to cut through dragon flesh a lot faster than solid rock, and even without the gravel and sand they dumped on the pools of blood and groe their work left on the floor the heat of the caverns rendered the floor dry enough to be negotiated again in a sickeningly short space of time.

  Over half of the members of the Council of the Elders had been lost in the assault on the first three rooms of the Hibernation Chambers, and those who remained knew that there was nothing that they could do to evacuate what remained of their people to safety or to stop the armies from slaughtering them down to the last hatchling. Any magical intervention to buy them the time to escape would have so steep a price it was only something that a member of the Council of the Elders would contemplate doing for their race. They swiftly debated what on earth they could possibly do as the fear that swirled through the Hibernation Chambers gave way to futility and despair. Many dragons had tried to reason with the fighters, to ask them why they were doing this and to try to get them to explain why they were doing this. Those dragons had died as quickly as all the rest, shot full of poison-coated arrows at the orders of commanders who really did not care about the tricks they thought that their foes were trying to pull on them.

  There was nothing that could be done to save the beleaguered dragons. Some attempted to seal the passageways between the Hibernation Chambers with magic, but all they could manage was to get the stone that already existed to flow to fill the gap. By the time the stone had created a layer of rock that was broad enough to cover a dragon sized doorway it was so thin that the advancing warriors could break through it with little difficulty. Trying to do anything more, like creating a solid stone barrier out of nothing, would incur such a great magic price that it was completely unfeasible in the current situation. There were enough injured dragons already without another adding themselves to the tally of the incapacitated by attempting a defence strategy that would only box them in further.

  Deep within the Hibernation Chamber complex, buried far under the Super Volcano, dragons panicked as death approached them. Evreth cowered between her parent’s protective, wings, her hide flickering between the stark white of utter terror and attempts to camouflage herself and hide so fast she looked like a crazed strobe light. Path had tried to comfort her young friend, but the reek of blood and death that permeated the underground caverns and the Cloud Clan dragon’s inability to force her hide from its own blanching and to resume a more normal colouration undermined any attempts she made. Path’s parents were in consultation with some of the other dragons who had also been posted as Ambassadors, and they appeared to be arguing over something.

  After a few minutes the huddle of Ambassadorial dragons broke up. The sounds of battle and pain were drawing ever closer to their room, and dragons were beginning to prepare themselves for what would be a futile attempt to defend themselves. With nothing else to do but wait for the fighters of the other races to reach them, Path watched her parents and the other ambassadors as they moved to surround an abandoned sleeping platform. One of the dragons, a Star Clan male who was in the prime of his strength, smoothed the basalt sand that filled the sleeping platform with a sweeping gesture of a wing. As he did so, the sand rippled and solidified into a massive sheet of black glass. He hissed in discomfort as he sat, having chosen a more painful and less lingering magic price for the transformation of the sand.

  The ambassador dragons sat solemnly around the massive mirror, staring at it with fierce concentration. Since she was watching them, Path was one of the first besides the ambassadors to see the images begin to form on the sheet of black glass that filled the stone dragon bed. The dragons were conducting one of the easier forms of scrying, that of looking into the past and the present as it was happening. This was more definite and cost less in the way of magic price than attempting to spy out future events, as the past had already happened and the present was in the process of happening. Future events had far too many possibilities and variables for anyone to really consider it worth the cost of the spell to find out one or two of a billion potential futures.

  What the dragons saw in the black glass mirror caused more horror and despair in a situation where they already faced inevitable and horrifying deaths. They watched a series of images rapidly flash across the glass, the story of how they came to be trapped and slaughtered within the Hibernation Chambers unfolding before the dismayed gazes of dragons whose hides alternated between the grey of grief and the white of shock. They had not anticipated anything like this ever coming to pass. They had not thought that the other races had come to hate and fear them so much because of the actions of a handful of malcontents.

  There was no sound in this scrying spell, but the Ambassadors and the other dragons that cared for a look at the mirror of black glass saw quick flashes of rabble rousing alternating with debates in familiar council chambers. The sounds of injured dragons crying out in pain and the rhythmic smashing of the fighters of the other races chipping their way through a hastily sealed doorway formed a hellish backdrop to the vision of the past and present unfolding in the black glass mirror.

  The building of the road flew by in a blur of fast time, and when they saw the beginning of the tunnel through the wall of the super volcano that housed their home Path cried out in shock. She recognised some of the miners as regulars at some of the inns and Travellers Hostels she had stayed at as a Special Courier, and the Cloud Clan dragon finally had an answer as to why the people along her route had been stockpiling so much wood.

  The beleaguered dragons finally had their answer as to how and why the other races had come to deal death upon them, and they knew that there was no way out for them. They could not fight their way out of the Hibernation Chambers without all of the surviving dragons falling to poisoned arrows or the weapons of those fighters they could see still outside. They were backed into a corner and simply did not have enough people left to risk losing any to the magic price of any spell that could stay the advancing troops or transport the dragons to a safe location far enough from the Dragon City to be able to escape by wing or foot.

  Sounds of renewed fighting and death floated through the complex of underground chambers with a fresh wave of blood scented air. Path looked around the room at the terrified dragons, scared into frantic blanching or frozen stiff with fear and with hides that automatically blended into their surroundings in a useless attempt to hide with the camouflage reaction. Evreth huddled between her parents, her hide still flashing dizzily between a terrified blanch and an attempt to hide. Her parents were stark white in horror, their wings spread protectively over their only child. Path’s own parents were back in consultations with the other Ambassadors and one surviving member of the Council of the Elders. The young Sand Clan dragon was frozen in place, her limbs felt like they had been filled with heavy wet sand and she could not bring herself to move in case she panicked like so many others and tried to fly out through the solid rock above her. 

Thursday, 13 December 2012

An Award? But. . .

The lovely Stick Thin and Clytie have both nominated me for the Liebster Blog award.


The conditions for this are as follows:

- when you are nominated, thank the person/people who nominated you in your next post. Include a link to their blog. 
- in that post include 11 things about yourself.
- answer the 11 questions from the person who nominated you.
- choose 11 bloggers to nominate, they must have less than 200 followers.

- create 11 questions for them to answer.
- let them know you nominated them.





Since for some completely obscure reason over 300 complete lunatics fucking fantastic people have decided to follow my blog, I don't actually qualify ^.^;



I'll squee with warm fuzzy feelings and nominate some people and answer a whole bunch of revealing and/or compromising questions, but I can't officially "accept" it. I'd  feel all guilty and wrong >.<



11 Random Things about me:

-Rottweilers are pretty much the only dog breed that terrifies me
-I pretty much always cry at the end of Dragonheart
-I have never finished a big building project in Minecraft
-I am allergic to mushrooms
-I really really really wish we still had Haast Eagles, coz it would be incredibly cool to see one soaring overhead with the neighbour's spoiled brat in it's grasp.
-The opening scenes of AVP2 made me laugh myself silly in the movie theatre
-I used to have nightmares about the face-huggers and chest-bursters from the Alien movies
-I have hairy hobbit feet
-I have seen AC/DC, Shihad, Alice Cooper and Kiss live.
-I love second-hand shopping
-I am addicted to action and superhero movies





Questions from Stick Thin

Favorite TV show
House
Childhood secret
I had a crush on Captain Planet
What kind of make up do you wear?
When I have to: Australis, Covergirl, Designer Brands
Have you ever colored your hair?
Yes, many times
What countries have you visited?
Japan and Australia
What is your dream job
Making things and writing stories
How long have you been blogging
Four years, I think
Do you have a pet? If you could what would it be?
I currently have a cat. I also want dogs, fish, some chooks, a few sheep, some ponies, alpaca, a few sheep
Whats your guilty pleasure food
Bacon. I love bacon but I really don't like eating pigs. It's a weird situation.
What is your favorite workout
Doing obstacle courses or tearing around on the beach like an idiot
Are you in a relationship?
Yes


Questions from Clytie
1. Most prized possesion?
Laptop. It lets me internet.
2. Where do you see yourself in 3 months?
Stressing over my brothers' Birthday dinners
3. In a year?
Pissed off at christmas music
4. Favorite article of clothing?
Gumboots
5. Biggest vice?
Sloth and cowardice
6. Best day of your life?
Going around Nikko with some people from the Kusunoki class
7. Worst day?
I have two. The day a classmate tried to kill me of a field trip and Mum called me a liar, and the day she kicked me out and Grandpa convinced her to take me back in
8. If you could choose how and when you die?
In my sleep or smashing into the ground after freefall from skydiving altitude
9. What is the worst thing your illness has caused you to do?
I have lied about being sick with food poisoning when really I had ODed to attempt suicide and failed horribly
10. Favorite song?
To pick just one. . . Low Man's Lyric by Metallica/Learning to Fly by Pink Floyd
11. Biggest secret?
I have a crush on Mr.T's girlfriend



Ok, does that satisfy?

My mind is blank right now. Spinning in little circles panicking about having to do these weird split-up shifts over the quiet period.

At least tonight it's with Kirk and Lia. They don't fuck around.

Now if I can only manage to stay away from the fruit mince pies. . . I should probably leave my eftpos card at home to be on the safe side.

Fucking Christmas aisle-ends will be the death of me.

~Peri