Switching Topics Faster Than An ADD Kid On Red Gummibears

These delectable little goodies are Mallowpuffs:

The original ones are 88cal/bikkie ^.^ You can make S'mores with them my nuking them in the microwave! Sooooo goooood! They were advertised with the slogan "Have you done enough for a Mallowpuff?" meaning this is a treat you have to earn, since they are that good!

I tried to find some of the ads for you, but YouTube was uncooperative D:

Today my roll continued, albeit at a slightly slower pace (Running out of things I can accomplish that don't involve sitting the the FREEZING FUCKING COLD spare room/study) I did get to they gym, do some washing and was stood up for coffee. Oh well, fewer potential calories to consume, tight? XD

Please send Dralion some love, she is at the Vet waiting to be spayed tomorrow *Eep!* I'm nervous as all hell about my baby going under the knife. She's gonna be shaved and gutted 0.0 She was so good about being in the cage and riding in the taxi! Not a single complaint out of her, she was completely laid back. (Ink shrieked and moaned nonstop every step of the way *Sigh*) Maybe copious bribes had something to do with that. . . Her bowls and mat have been scrubbed and the litterbox is soaking with some Janola in it, ready for a good scrubbing in the morning.

Yeah, I've gone mad.

I'm also totally in love with the Caprica theme music.

I laughed SO HARD at the latest episode of NZNTM. It was the makeover episode. One of the Dunedin Twins pulled a really sweet photo out of thin air just MINUTES after a massive anxiety/panic attack. They gave the twins IDENTICAL fucking looks, and when she realised she couldn't get dressed coz her SISTER was in the dress, she freaked out big time. I don't blame her at all.

I'm so GLAD Afreen was cut. She did really well, but plateaued coz Miss Princess can do no wrong, know it all and doesn't need to learn anything, Kthnx. Silly bint. Dakota needs to grow the fuck up, too. The chick who was with her for the mingling challenge had a brilliant foil for her own maturity and poise. She looks hot, but if she can't settle down and take things seriously she may well end up back at home facing becoming a hooker again.

I saw one of the Twins in town today while I was waiting to meet someone for coffee. (Bitch never showed!!) Even without hundreds of dollars of makeup and hairstyling she was lovely. I would have traded places with her boyfriend in a heartbeat if she had a nicer ass XD I'm picky with my women. Gotta have boobs, waits and a nice arse. Think Kim Kardashian.

I'd love to cuddle up between her and Miles on a cold winters' night!

Speaking of which, I'd better go sleep soon. If you don't have a good nights rest your appetite increases to compensate! I don't want to start September, The Red Month, Month of The Red Queen, with anything but iron-willed determination.

Thank you for the lovely comments, pixies. They really make my day!

Sweet dreams <3

~Peri

Boredom Strikes. . .

I'm fracking bored and I'm procrastinating. So why not steal something from someone's blog archive? ^.^

Righto, corss out what I've done. Hmm


1. Had A Threesome
2. Been drunk.
3. Touched a real gun.
4. Done drugs
5. Wrote on a bathroom stall.
6. Took “naughty” pictures of myself.
7. Had sex
8. Got into a fist fight.
9. Used Twitter.
10. Listened to Lady Gaga.
11. Been in a car accident.
12. Gotten suspended.
13. Gotten expelled.
14. Got a computer virus.
15. Had a hand-written diary.
16. Been allergic to something.
17. Had a dog.
18. Had a cat.
19. Been pregnant
20. Had a pregnancy scare.
21. Had unprotected sex.
22. Camped out.
23. Swam in the ocean.
24. Wore a bikini.
25. Met someone online in person.
26. Made a survey.
27. Used ICQ.
28. Failed a class for the year.
29. Repeated a grade.
30. Went to summer school.
31. Got straight As
32. Got As and Bs
33. Learned to speak another language fluently.
34. Read an entire book.
35. Recorded my own music.
36. Had an Xbox.
37. Listened to Rammstein.
38. Wore fishnets.
39. Bought skinny jeans.
40. Been in love.
41. Hated someone.
42. Been cheated on.
43. Cheated on someone.
44. Had a significant other.
45. Did something sexual with someone of the same sex.
46. Practiced Christianity.
47. Worn makeup.
48. Had a cavity.
49. Had surgery.
50. Had my license.
51. Been to college.
52. Graduated high school.
53. Attempted suicide.
54. Worn colored contacts.
55. Painted my nails black.
56. Broken someone’s heart.
57. Had my heart broken.
58. Cried for an hour straight.
59. Lost something very valuable.
60. Had sex in a car.
61. Got separated from my parents as a kid.
62. Broken a bone.
63. Gotten stung by a bee.
64. Eaten something bad/expired.
65. Threw up from being so drunk.
66. Had to put a pet to sleep.
67. Participated in a swinger’s party.
68. Owned an iPod.
69. Owned an iPhone.
70. Fell for a best friend.
71. Stole a friend’s significant other.
72. Had a serious disease.
73. Gone away from home for more than a week.
74. Moved out.
75. Ran away.
76. Teased my brother/sister.
77. Gotten into a verbal fight.
78. Been to the hospital.
79. Had food poisoning.
80. Had a job.
81. Been fired.
82. Lied to a friend.
83. Lied to a family member.
84. Lied to a significant other.
85. Posted a video on YouTube.
86. Started a rumour about someone.
87. Deliberately failed a test.
88. Dropped out of school.
89. Gotten my “private parts” pierced.
90. Been skinny dipping.
91. Counted to a million.
92. Counted to a thousand.
93. Ate deer meat.
94. Ate duck meat.
95. Had fast food.
96. Been to church.
97. Been to a synagogue.
98. Been married.
99. Had a divorce


Well, that killed some time. Woot, Dolly is in Aus and Wal's just gone to work, so I have the house to myself for exercise! :D

I feel like I've more than earned a mallowpuff. Yesterday I fucking PWNED at work. Cabinet was FULL and bulking was DONE and I even had shit ready to go for the specials starting this morning. Fucking ay! *Punches air*

Today I managed the impossible-I beat Wal to the shower in the morning. I then proceeded to clean my room, the hall, the lounge, the study AND the bathroom! What the fuck?!?

I'm trying to grind myself back into Go-Mode. I'm still fucking idling in neutral. I'm feeling pretty fucking boring, and I've been pretty fucking boring. I'm in the middle. Not way down, but not up either. Go figure. Normal=boring, as I always believed.

Right, I'd better go buy some mallowpuffs and NOT binge on the lot.

LOL!

~Peri

Oh FUCK!

(Triggering to beautiful people in recovery. DO NOT READ. DO NOT PUT EASY WEAPONS INTO THE BEAST'S HANDS)



It turns out I've been entering my height wrong in all the BMI calculators.

I'm not 1.76m tall.

I'm 1.67m.

Fully 9cm shorter than I though.

(Thank you so fucking MUCH brain. I hate you)

SO my BMI is NOT 18.8 as I though. It is ACTUALLY 20.83

I feel so fucking monstrous. I'm horrified. Mortified. Panicking. FUCK.

I was RIGHT. I COULDN'T be that close to underweight with that much packed around my thighs. My boobs are still plump, only just beginning to deflate. Still so fucking heavy. No wonder Miles strains to lift me into some of the Red Man acro poses.

20.8 is so close to 21. 20 is too much. Far too much. Way too much. Much much to much. Too much everything. Too many calories, to may sweets, too much mindless snacking, too much sitting still, too much work, too many hours spent motionless at work, at class, in bed, on a chair.

I need to move. Get moving, stay moving, keep moving. Burn burn burn calories. Sweat and gasp and burn. Fuck tomorrow, this starts right NOW.

I have massive fat-encrusted legs like Christmas hams. Glaze me up and shove an apple in my mouth.

I'm good at skinning joints of ham, just ask my Boss.

Oink oink motherfuckers, I've got some SERIOUS losing to do.

~Peri

From Surly To Ranty

It's been a while since I ranted about work. Things have just been so average there. . . until today.

I SWEAR NGS has missed her true calling as a professional ditz. The silly bitch doesn't realise that buying her lunch counts as part of her break! So half an hour after she left for a 15min break Boss and I are running around like spastic peafowl wondering where the FUCK she is. I hope she gets talked to about this, I'm sick of being screwed over by some dizzy little girl who takes extra-long breaks. She also labelled an ENTIRE cook of chicken with the wrong times, wasting time as we had to re-lable 26 chickens. *Sigh* I could have gotten another tray of ham bulked if she'd done it right the first time around!

Fascist Dictator Bitch has also failed to replace the Saturday evening girl who left, oh, a month ago? This leaves 2 people to run the Deli AND Seafood departments from 6pm. That leaves 2 people to clean up and pack away stock in TWO departments while serving customers. This leaves ONE person by him/herself to serve, clean and keep the cabinets full in TWO departments while the other person takes their legally required (And desperately needed) breaks.

This means LOTS of pissy customers and a department full of harried, tired, pissed-off people.

Fucking cost-cutting BITCH.

I stayed an extra half-hour today to finish filling the 'messy' stuff (Pastrami, hot pork, hot beef), bulk some shaved ham and clean one of the slicers so it was easier on R&B who are left BY THEMSELVES tonight to run seafood and deli.

FUCK. THIS. SHIT.

Fucking upper management ASSHOLES who cut costs at the expense of their workforce.

I'm NOT happy, but lack the vocabulary to properly express myself. Work killed my brain today for obvious reasons. I have a sneaking suspicion that being in close proximity to certain people forces my braincells to either hibernate or commit suicide in protest at the sheer level of cretinism they are being surrounded by.

On the bright side, the desire for thinness is consuming me. No binge last night thanks to Marcus and Zette reminding me that in the end, I am in control of my hand, not the food on the table. It cannot get into my stomach and to my thighs without my aid, and I REFUSE to aid it in it's quest to keep me from being a lean, graceful flyer.

FUCK YOU ARTIFICIAL CHEESE FLAVOURING, AND ALL YOUR EVIL BRETHREN!!!

I CAN RESIST YOUR SIREN SONG.

Go sing to someone else. Like Dolly, she'll enjoy your company in Australia. Right now she should be getting the drunken munchies and be amenable to your attentions.

While you do that I'm gonna drink diet coke, watch Caprica and make bracelets to take to the Free Shop tomorrow morning.

~Peri

P.S. I'm gonna jinx myself by saying this, but back down to 58.1kg again today after bouncing way up again. Heres to skinnier tomorrows. May death be painless and us skinny before it gets here! *Toasts*

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.

I'm still here. Just not being very interesting. I'm not even spinning my wheels in a mud puddle! I'll get over or through this fucking inertia, just you watch me!

Last night I learned an important life lesson. It doesn't matter if the worming tablet is "Liver flavoured for greater palatability." The cat is still not going to want to take it. I didn't wrap Dralion, placing all my faith in Vitapet's liver flavouring skills.

Yeah, NO. ALWAYS wrap the fucking cat >.<; My hand looks like I got overly friendly with a cactus. Reeeeeal smart. On the subject of me being a fucking tard, here is my EPIC SALLIE SCORE for the morning, as painted by moi:

This was taken BEFORE I fixed the spelling. Damn Google Chrome makes me spell like an American, so now I can't spell properly in ANY version of English. FUCK!

Also: Note my epic stash of Diet Coke and my Book of Thin on the left hand side of the table. (Shouldn't be too hard to work out which one it is! :p)

Ok, I'm trying to avoid turning tonight into a massive binge. The flatmates cranked out visitors and nibbles. I'm incredibly tempted to relax my rules for tonight, but the thought of approaching 3,000cal is horrifying. (I've been steady at 1,800 or less the last few days, which gives me a deficit of 500cal/day with my BMR)

. . . or maybe not.


Fuck my brain.

~Peri

Surly Cow Is Surly

Clawing and biting and scratching on the inside. On the outside; a lazy bitch.

Fucking bite me.

I'm watching this on TV as the wind screams and throws rain against the windows.

Very thoughtful. The people who donated their bodies are fucking heroes. Those kids are so brave. I'd certainly NEVER want someone who hasn't done a human dissection to cut me open and try to fix me. They'd have no respect. They would only know what they are looking it from textbooks.

I'll certainly never be looking at the Med buildings the same way again.

The interviews with the donors bring tears to my eyes. I'd love to make the same contribution they have. Screw whoever wants to mourn over my corpse.

"If other people think "Why did he do that?" That's their problem. I don't have a problem."
George, Ian, Roma. You are fucking inspirations.

I could do with less food love. I haven't been sticking to my SSPA goals of 1800cal max or exercise. I'm too much of a sook to walk to Uni in the rain.

Yeah, fuck off.

I'm out of things to be interesting about. Go watch some porn or something. Enjoy being alive for once, stop torturing yourself for one evening. Be like Roma, have some fucking FUN.

~Peri

GRRRRRRRR

I'm stalling again.

Ditched class, haven't booked the gym, not sleeping properly, haven't studied, legs are hairy (Mmmmmm, where's my fox tail?) and I'm not even TRYING to get my 5+ a day of fruit and veg.

NOSE DIVE STOPS RIGHT NOW!!

*Grabs self by scruff of neck*

What can I solve right now? Legs, fruit and study. Then meet Miles to see a play (Ding Dong!) and sleep.


OR:
Brain cannot continue running Un-Motivated program. FUCK OFF. DO NOT WANT. NO MORE. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS.

While I kick my shit into shape during the 8 hours left to my Tuesday, learn from this lady's mistakes:


REMEMBER HOW SHORT YOUR SKIRT IS BEFORE BENDING OVER!!! Panty shots are only sexy if you're in a sailor suit or just climbed out of my bed dressed in nothing but a Tshirt.
Observe:



Case closed. I'm now going to grab some orange juice and read my lecturer's essays.

*Rolls up sleeves*

Right!

~Peri

My Guilty Pleasure

NZNTM, currently on Cycle 2.

I watch it On Demand online, so nobody knows. (Nobody but YOU ^.^)


Danielle is my favourite girl.
"My biggest achievement is not being pregnant or in jail"


Lauren has her moments of WOW!


Eva OWNED that wire shoot!


Dakota needed the kick up the arse this week. Like an albino needs sunblock.


Elza PWNS. Dunners HOLLA!!


I LOVE Michaela's eyes!

Huh, they seem to have photoshopped out her modesty boob tube. What else have they done to these pics?


There, did the pretty Kiwi wannabe-models distract you from my brain being a sleep-deprived over-chocolated pile of mush? I forgot that anything involving my cousin means masses of CHOCOLATE.

Fuck. Me.

Tasty? Hell YES! Now I have to break the addiction all over again! XD Anything over my once-a-week Sante bar seems to be like a huge hit of the real shit in the middle of doctor-prescribed fake-crack weaning program -.-;

Shit I need SLEEP. I'm back to square one with establishing a 'normal' sleeping pattern.

Sweet dreams, butterflies!

~Peri

I HATE POSSUMS

Brad Anderson (ITS, Client Services, University of Otago) was last seen in Dunedin on Thursday. If anyone has seen or heard from him, or has seen his car (2000 silver Nissan wingroad station wagon, rego EJK998 and sign written with OTAGO IT on back window) then please phone the Dunedin Police 03 4714800. COME HOME PLEASE BRAD!

FUCKING POSSUMS!!! Little asshole ran infront of me and I nearly skittled down he hill. Little CUNT!

DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKING IMPORTED SACKS OF CRAP! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME! DIE ALREADY!!

If I drove a car the little bastard would be roadkill. If I had a gun he'd be catfood. Prick.

BEST customer line of the weekend!
Early morning Saturday (About 8am)
Awesome Lady: Can I have 3 slices of Value Slaved ham? I mean the slave, the value,-
Me: *Grinning me head off and trying not to laugh*
Awesome Lady: Oh you know what I mean! That stuff!
Me: *Laughing* It's all good. Don't worry, we practically slave it to you anyway!
Awesome Lady: *Laughs*

Oooooooh, I'm very proud that people who recognize Vasquez's work frequent my humble (*Snrk*) bit of spaz-tastic ranting.

Very proud of you, my sweet.

I also got to the Free Shop!
I took:

I got a jacket, skirt and pants.




Yes, I wear multiple pairs of socks. My feet goes numb otherwise. I'm also a lardass. Deal with it.

Fuck I'd better head to bed. Love yoooooooooooooooou!

Questions

I'm gonna run late for work, but WHO CARES! It's not a forever job :p

I had a dream last night that I was in the future. I saw what happened to Paris and Christchurch and Dunedin and I cried. The earth was dead. Her last custodians turned their back on her for money and she had gone belly-up. Polluted, abandoned, choked and overrun.

I hope the next to inherit this earth take better care of our Mother.

Sleep deprivation, hippie vibes and herbal tea laced with valerian give me weird-ass dreams like this -.-; I'm gonna be out of it all day.

BACK on topic, my question was this.

“Thank God you’re stronger than she was.” - From Wintergirls.

WHY are Anorexics perceived as being stronger in some fucked up way than Bulimics? Both are equally addicted, both are equally fucked, but they aren't equally aided. Bulimics can maintain a healthy weight right up until the moment their stomach ruptures or their heart gives out. Anorexics cannot. I guess it is a question of visibility. The stigma comes from the outward manifestations of the illness.

Joy, Dolly has been talking at me about fracking Labour Office crap and I lost my train of thought. ARGH!!!

Eh, time to go fatten up Dunedin with my 68% meat shaved ham and budget luncheon.

Tally ho! CHAAAAAARGE!!

~Peri

I CONTROL ME!

BULLSHIT.

BULL.

SHIT.


I will not let you limit me.

I'm the one who decides the fucking limits!

I WILL NOT LET YOU DECIDE WHO OR WHAT I AM.

Your labels do NOT define me.

I DEFINE ME!

You will not beat me.

I REFUSE to give in!

I don't care what you are! A machine, an inanimate object, a boss, a parent, a coworker, a chemical imbalance, a disorder, a random student on the lawn, THE VOICE INSIDE MY BRAIN.

I DON'T CARE!

WHAT YOU THINK IS IRRELEVANT!

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

DON'T TRY TO ANALYSE ME!


I refuse to accept your opinion of me as a fact of my self. Can you look inside me? NO! Can you reach into my head and change what is in there?

THEN FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME BE.

I will NOT quit, I will NOT roll over and play dead for your convenience. Just you fucking watch me. I will fly where I want, at whatever pace I want at the time I decide to.

You think to control me??








(Guess the comic and win a prize)

GRAH!

Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!

I had to leave a 37-mark question BLANK because I don't have teh skillz to answer algebra-based questions.

Error 404: Mathematics abilities not found -.-;

The rest of it went pretty well, apart from the GDP Deflator stuff. Meh.

Dolly left me to light the fire while she ate her tea and mine went cold. BITCH. I don't CARE if you've landed yourself babysitting your niece tonight. I need to get this shit inside me WHILE IT'S WARM so I can get it digested BEFORE I go to bed.

I'm not taking any shit from her any more.

FUCK THAT. Take your stress out on ME?!? Think again.

I found 75cal muesli bars. YEAH! Mmmm berry flavoured.

Ok, child on my lap. Gtg.

love

~Peri

Title Goes Here

Mid-semester exam tomorrow night.

Blargh!!!!

I'd rather be mauled by a three-year-old and have assloads of junkfood tempting me, kthnx.

Yesterday I broke and hopped on the scales. 58.6kg D: Horrors, but I was honestly expecting to be back where I was at the start of the month. 58.5kg today. FRACK!!! GO AWAY ALREADY WOULD YOU, PIE!!!!

*Sigh* at least some of this Macro crap seems to be making more sense now. I never really go the hang of Income and Substitution effects before. Now if I could JUST beat the fracking math into my brain I'd be set! -.-; I'm watching too much Battlestar Galactica. Bite me.

I have a facy new skipping rope. A special weighted one. Now if it would JUST STOP RAINING so I could go outside and USE it D:< I've been wanting one for a while, and since very space penny right now (Besides winnings XD) is going into vets for the cat and me, I figured what the hell! The load of aspartame in my system right now is making me tired and false-hungry. I can tell the difference between actual hunger and aspartame-induced hunger now. One goes away with a nice cup of tea, the other does not. HAH! Gotcha now, fucker. Mess with my brain will you?!? Think again! I'd better go try to squeeze some more study into my day before an early night. I'm trying NOT to lose my bottle and start panicking about this. It is NOT crucial to my major, only my stubbornness. I've covered this material TWICE before, it is pretty much just reminding myself of what I already know, and beating some sodding MATH in alongside it. SSPA RANDOM SHIT OF THE DAY

Listen to Captain Pugwash and EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!!!! (No purging them after. Nutrition and fiber and all that crap. Keeps your intestines from atrophying from disuse)

(A note from Captain Pugwash's devoted human slaves: "Broccoli in small amounts like he gets is not harmful in any way. Yes, I checked with my vet. Yes, he gets a normal diet of cat food most of the time. Surprisingly, he is not our only broccoli-kitten. And finally, no, there is nothing on the broccoli to make him act that nutty for it - it came from a bag of frozen broccoli, and was briefly thawed under the faucet. Also, I did not starve him all day to make him do this. This is a seriously spoiled kitten. Like all of my kitties. Seriously."

Don't wanna study, bitchmoanwhine.

~Peri

Roku (Go stalk her!) told me to tell her, and you, about my dreams.

If I could do anything, if I could turn back time or miraculously grow the balls to do what I want, what would I do?

I want to own lots of animals. In specific; a German Shepherd, a Staffordshire Bull Terrier, a Maine Coone cat, Koi, maybe a small pony of some description. A Shetland and a pony cart. I would do this on a lovely plot of land in the middle of the wop wops with my vege garden and a river nearby. I'd have a very secure aviary full of budgies and shoot/trap possums and rabbits and keep up feeding stations for the native birds. I would have lot of natives in the garden, with a rose bower for my own enjoyment.

In this place I would write amazing stories, carry out research into musty old tomes, blend my own coffee and create beautiful things from fabric and thread and fiber and paint and clay. I would host people from many countries and show them the beautiful corners that get overlooked during package tours. My grip on language and languages would be sure and strong once again.

I would also have a Harley Davidson in the garage, and all the mechanical skills needed to keep one of those behemoths on the road. If I planned on getting my car license AT ALL there would be a cherry-red Ford Capri in there too. (Coz red ones go faster) (It would have matching leather interior, btw)

Looking at this down, it seems achievable. Almost easily do-able. Huh. What's stopping me?

Me of course! My nemesis, we meet again.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I got a new bead for my necklace. Rings N Things still has their sale going, so I took my ill-gotten gains (Gambling win!) for a stroll. I got a sterling silver bead shaped like a ball of wool with knitting needles stuck in it. Totemo kawaii!

SSPA RANDOM SHIT OF THE DAY
Some people don't even get a choice about buying food. FUCK YOU JOHN KEY! FUCK YOU NATIONAL! THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T VOTE FOR YOU CUNTS!!!!

I'd better stop being a troll on my own damn blog and go study. This is my 3rd time through this paper, I should know all this shit already!!! D':

Fucking maths.

~Peri

The ONLY Apology You're Gonna Get Out Of Me This Year

Please forgive me for not writing anything substantial of late.

This is a drawing-in.

Recovering the pieces, they are in the crucible, waiting.

The embers of the smelter's fire are chary of their heat, holding on tight to the transformative flame until they are given enough fuel and air to release it.

The phoenix egg smoulders in the bottom of the trash can. Drawing in oxygen and fuel for the triumphant bonfire which will release the bird back into life.

I landed on the bottom of the rabbit hole. A damp and chill well shaft stretching unmeasurable fathoms deep. My climbing equipment has caught up with me. (It reached terminal velocity a lot later than a 23-year-old human female filled with rocks and shit)

I'm strapping it on, making sure of the buckles and ties. I don't want it to fall off again so soon.

Bear with me while I heal.

~Peri

Motivated To LOL!

I cannot be fucked writing today. I'm being laaaaaaaaaaaaaazy!

Have a pile of demotivators instead. Be prepared to laughing until you piss yourself :D

SSPA SHIT FOR THE DAYS I MISSED. . .

DEMOTIVATORS FROM HELL!!













If you don't feel even slightly motivated right now. . .


~Peri

Hey Hot Stuff, You Goin' My Way?

Hooooooooo.

Chicken&Cheese cabonara=YUM! The Banoffee pie murdered me, I couldn't make it more than 2/3 through. Obviously my fullness-switch is still working.

Not weighing myself tomorrow. I'll just freak for no good reason. Lets be rational now, hey? 58kg exactly this morning after not crapping for a few days and eating salty pizza.

Lol, Wal' did a 24-hour driving mish (Mission) with his boss up to Picton and back to pick up a work van from the ferry. He couldn't afford to pay Wal' in money, so he gave him a car 0.0 It'll be good for Wal

I put $1 into a pull-tab machine and won $20. Score! I smell good coffee on the breeze. . .

Dad is 49 years old! :O 7,000-odd days he was telling everyone. Smartass. (No idea WHERE I got THAT from!)

I sat in the pub knitting. People stared for a bit then got over themselves. I love that about New Zealand. If you don't act embarrassed about what you're doing (Say, stripping topless at a drunken party, or walking through the shops with a 3-ft ruby red mohawk, or knitting in the middle of a pub while chatting and drinking) then people don't make a fuss. When you are embarrassed others pick up on it, and everyone feels uncomfortable.

There's something good to be said for our 'She'll be right!' attitude, after all. Even though it has lead us to have one of the highest suicide rates of the developed countries. No shitstorm without sunshine, right?


SSPA Random Shit Of The Day

. . . Just putting that out there. You know I just LOVE flopping it out for you guys :p


Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck I need to go to bed. Class at 10am and I'm walking down. Gotta get my lazy ass moving again!! I've become slack, burning dinosaurs and doing short little trips that are bad for my bike.

Love you, pixies. Sleep well!

~Peri

Sleepy Brain-Recovery Day

Hmmm, I have been robbed of words. Today I haven't achieved much of anything, and a lot of nothing.

It. Is. Gooooooooooooooooood.



I'm back to working on the baby blanket. Have plans for a Hippy Knitting Circle next year. Made some braided chokers/bracelets/anklets for The Free Shop my friend runs. Met Dolly's bossy-as-all-hell youngest niece, had EPIC sex with Miles, spent a lot of time on Facebook games.

Had pizza last night. And apple crumble. And boysenberry pie. It was all in moderation. As soon as I felt myself slipping into a binge-mode of grabshovelshovelshovelEXPLODE, I'd go wash my hands, grab a drink and natter until it passed. Then I'd pick up something that looked good and start again.

That was fine, I was fine with one day of spoiling myself with junky foods that took me over my calorie limit.

I didn't count on it being Dad's birthday tomorrow. (Fuck I'm a good daughter!) A pub dinner full of fried foods and high-calorie booze. Awwww FUCK. Eh, shit happens. I'm not stressing about it too much. I have a whole week of walking to uni to get rid of the excess.

I'll just make like this guy. With REAL food, of course! XD (In my mind, Salad=/=Food. It is rabbit food, and I am NOT a rabbit!!)


Just so you know, if I end up looking like that I'll burn myself alive D:

Yours,
~Peri

Sneaky Post

Dolly' niece is an adorably bossy wee shit!

Sneaky quick post.

FUCKFUCKFUCKPIZZAFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!



DAMMIT!!!

I'll comment back next time I'm by my laptop unobserved for a while.

Love you!

xoxo

~Peri

I'm A Twit

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I slept through classes for the SECOND time in a week. Why? I was up till 2am reading Wintergirls on the internet. Oops.

Today I went to the Doctor, told her about my recent spaz-out and got a medical certificate for the weekend off work. Blarg, I really need some time to scrape myself back together. Right now I'm not so good at imitating a functional human being.

ZOMG FUN NEWS!!! QUIT WITH TEH SADZ FOR A BIT!!!

Last night was circus club. I got MYSELF into the bouncy stilts (I've needed to be shown how the last few times, this time I remembered!) and spent 20mins clomping around fairly comfortably doing n00b staff-spinning with my walking stick/practice staff and making a general pest of myself. I MUST get me some of those!! I want to make a Tigger costume when I learn to jump and run ^.^

Fuck, I was 57.4kg this afternoon when I FINALLY woke up. 0.0 Bloody HELL! I'll probably gain food-baby weight from today, since I went to Miles' Sister's house for dinner and haven't gotten enough fiber in the last 3 days. (Ummm, I'm supposed to be getting 100% of it for my SSPA rules D: Naughty Peri! Eat some beans!) Meh, it'll go away again. I'll buy broccoli tomorrow as a treat since it's SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE right now!


SSPA RANDOM SHIT OF THE DAY
Fuck, I've not done this for a while! D: Go here. I find it a funny, entertaining article that raises some DAMN GOOD questions.

Has anyone been remembering to visit Augustine? She's level 32 now, and won first prize in one of her contests! I'm still changing the quote in her profile every day for a bit of encouragement. Here she is, if you can't spot her on the left :p



I'm so tempted to pull an all-nighter. I'm so awake! If I do I'll have to do uni work, which will make me grumpy and tired. I need to exercise, that will keep me awake and tired. You just can't win can you? Try to sleep or not? I should have hauled my carcass out of bed this morning >.< I don't even remember my alarm going off! D:

It's 1am and I'm wired. WTF is up with my brain??

I'll go work out for a bit. That should tire me out a bit.

Grrrrr I want an apple. Why do we not have any more 24hour supermarkets in town now?!?

~Peri

GRARGGBLEWARBL

I'm in the University again, leeching off their internets for bloggertime.

:3

I'm in the process of putting bits back together again. Like a wave that sucks back then BOOM crashes over you. Bits in a crucible.

Last night I stayed up late and neglected Miles because a sometime-friend wanted advice on how to deal with someone backstabbing her and causing her to lose a good friend. *Sigh*

Mediating is fun, you get to beat you head on two walls at once!

This sometime-friend is a mostly untrustworthy ex-prostitute who was fired for not pulling enough customers. Last night, half way through talking her down off her metaphorical ledge, I realised that she only had anything to do with me when everyone from her regular circle of friends has turned on her. The fact that she never got in touch for a promised coffee chat today means she has patched it up with them. Good.

Now she can fuck off and not come back. I can do with less teen drama bullshit in my life. I'm entering the mid-20s. Time to cut the excess fat from the social group again. Users are not appreciated, nor have they ever been. Enablers are welcome right now, but I'm not putting in time and energy to get nothing in return.

I haven't been spending enough time with Miles. I've been a fucking horrible girlfriend and neglecting him in multiple ways. Part of it is Uni+Work+My shitty time management. Part of it is ED teaming with the other demons to try to sabotage this relationship. Trying to get him to break up with me so I can go on my merry business of destroying myself.

FUCK YOU, YOU BASTARDS!! I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND I WILL NOT LET YOU WIN.

Fuckers have enough tools to make me feel like shit without getting any more for free.

FUCK YOU BRAIN MONSTERS FUCK YOU.

Ugh, people don't make this easy, do they?

~Peri

Sometimes. . .

Hollow, ugly, cold, beaten-down, out of it, starved, bloated, foul, nasty, trashy, sick, shattered, breaking, dazed, floaty, old, scared, scarred, crazy, irrational, sexless, neutered, small, worthless, dying, angry, sad, confused.

Sometimes I just want my outsides to match my insides.

People tell me the the outsides are so great.

Wonderful, pretty, amazing, talented, unbelievable, funny, smart, gorgeous, beautiful, cute, crazy, adorable, interesting.

Why can't the insides match the outside? Why can't I be what you perceive me to be?

In the end I'll still be what I have always been.

Myself.

Incomprehensible to everyone including this passenger stuck screaming, beating at the glass, trying to burst out to the safety beyond my corneas.

The lesson I took away from yesterday is that I am foul, worthless, horrible, nasty, hideous. That I am a waste of space and I shouldn't impose my loathsome presence on others because it makes them depressed to be around me. That I should just top myself and rid the world of my polluting presence.

I'm making shotgun noises at it in my head. Telling that bullshit liar to get the FUCK off my porch. It isn't welcome here. That if it has the temerity to stick around I'll set my girls on it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Get back! -Clickclack-BLAOW!-

Cock your shotguns, guys. Time to go stalking those inner voices and worthless feelings that drag us down. Kick the ballast out the door and we'll go soaring way higher than 10,000ft. We'll shoot straight out among the stars.

Your always,

~Peri

Screw You Too

Oh dear. How do I put yesterday into words? NO I didn't take a me day. I wish I had! I went to work, and it was a sodding shambles. (On the bright side, I didn't have to worry about getting the slicers spotless! :D My hands are thanking me for it, they are so dry and nasty atm D:)

Hang on a sec *Runs off*

*Moisturises*

*Makes coffee*

*Returns*

I was going ok, until my first break. No coffee in the staff room and no bog roll in the ladies toilets. WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!? This put me in a minor sad, which just got worse when I went back downstairs.

Jaq was slicing, and the girl who was covering T.Boy hid out the back doing the dishes and what-have-you, leaving me out front serving student assholes for hours on end. By the time I had dinner I was about to smuggle the sharpest knife upstairs and slit my wrists&neck in the toilets. Seeing the necklace and bead in the mirror stopped me. I was angry. Soso angry. All I could think of was wanting out. Wanting to die and having to force myself to live for the rest of SSPA.

"23 days, 23 more days of being 23. 23 more days then it's done forever, I can restsleepmake itstop. Nomore hurting, nomore pain, no more, none. 20 years ago I learned what dead means, 23 more days and I can go away myself and not come back. 23 more GODDAMN DAYS why the fuck is August so long?!?"

Fuck. Dealing with people when you're in that kind of a mood and there are two coworkers ignoring the hell out of you is not something I'd recommend to anyone.

I went on my last break, and while I was up there I heard them call the duty manager to the Deli. They had a good old chat, and this is what I cam back down stairs to:

"You can clean the chicken hutch and go home at 7 or fuck off out to the cheese bar until 8. You're bringing us down. You're not serving the costumers well. It's not fair on everyone else to have to work with you when you're in a bad mood."

Oh for FUCKS SAKE. There have been no complaints about me tonight. You've spoken 10 words to me in the last 2 & 1/2 hours. I've served ALL the goddamn customers while you stayed out back NO MATTER HOW BIG THE LINE GOT.

All I wanted was a goddamn hug and someone to ask if I was ok.

Guess that was a bit too much to ask, huh. The message I took away from last night was that my presence is a fucking imposition, something I shouldn't inflict on others. It appears that Jaq isn't the friend I thought she was. With the number of times she's blown me off when we had organised to hang out recently it should have been obvious. I guess I just can't take a hint.

(Jaq started playing the one-upping game in the category of 'I'm so depressed' when I mentioned that I had been having a hard time with it lately. (HINT! HINT! I'M IN CRISIS! HINT!!!) I HATE people who try to one-up others in anything. Whooptie fucking doodah, people. I don't care how talented your toddler is or how much work you have to do at home. I don't give a shit, and you're making yourself look like an ass. Get a fucking life!)

Last night I intended to get hideously drunk. I got just drunk enough to forget why I was upset and to stop being sad when Miles came over and I stopped drinking.

Fuck people, I'll take my cat's company over that of another Homo sapiens any day. First off, gym. Then I'll hide in my room with my heater and study.

You rule. If you weren't around my neck I wouldn't be here right now. Hug yourself from me, ok?

~Peri

One Big Whinge

I feel like I'm working so hard and getting nowhere. Running full-tilt up a sand dune only to find that when I stop, I haven't moved an inch. I'm still right where I started. As soon as I stop running the downwards motion of the sand takes over and I'm going backwards and down again.

I'm sick of studying, tired of work. In the last 4 years my longest holiday has been a little under two weeks. I just need a break. A change of scene.

I have no social life. After work I just want to hide from people. I've only seen Miles ONCE since last Saturday. I'm not being fair to him. Between weekend work and the amount of time chewed up by university there isn't much left over to put into hanging out with him.

Can I put everything on pause for a while until I'm ready to deal with it?

Fuck it, I'm gonna go make dinner and read a book. Then study something mindless.

Yeah, before I get to that. . .

ZOMG I want one!


I love puns! The only thing better than a bad pun is a horrible one :3




Maybe it's time for coffee.

WTF do I mean maybe?? Gtg, coffee calls.

~Peri

We Ride Steel Horses

I am fragile. Holding the pieces of my inner self gently in my hands, attempting to prevent further shattering and losses.

Why is it that every time I break apart I seem to lose bits of me that I cannot afford to? I used to think I could pick and chose what parts to keep and incorporate into the new version of me. Now it seems that I have been wrong. I don't get to choose. It's whatever I grab and whatever welds itself back onto my stump of a tree solidly enough to survive the following sandstorms.

Last night I nearly had a rage at myself for being a stupid dumb ugly bitch who'll never pass this paper may as well give up now. I then looked at the clock and saw that it was 1am. My rational self extended a hand. (It's late, you're tired and not thinking right. Dazza is doing this question too. It doesn't all rely on you. You are working with 2 Econ majors who can help you understand things. You'll definitely fail if you give up now. Go to bed, ask them in the morning.) I felt like such an idiot as I climbed into bed.

It's not the end of the bloody world, Peri! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT??

Yesterday I ate 4,235cal. I made the mistake of going to the party hungry so it was nonstop hand-to-mouth. I gained 200grams. 58.6kg. My hipbones feel sharper when I do calisthenics. Even if the scales don't show it now, they soon will.

My hair is blue again. I did it in between classes. I asked to two the two questions in the next Econ assignment I'll be able to do fairly well. I forgot to hand in my Japa essay. Our Econ Midterm is on the 19th. Japa vocab test on Monday. Retard me was so pleased to see Treseme on special yesterday I grabbed shampoo instead of conditioner. Oh well, I won't run out of that in a hurry.

The counselor thinks I have anxiety problems which express in depressive symptoms.

Last Friday it sure as fuck didn't feel like anxiety.

I'm balancing on my beam in the high wind. Sure it feels about as wide as a slackline under my feet, but I'm on it, not falling or hanging on by my fingernails.

SSPA Random Shit Of The Day
Go see Augustine. She is in the middle of her first quest for STRENGTH and needs support. Go visit her to see her quote for today and share some love. She has a long way to go to reach level 1020 and get shiny silver armour of EPICNESS.

WE WILL NOT BE THIS GIRL We will NOT be WALE SIZED and riding a WIMPY LITTLE SCOOTER!!!

WE WILL BE EVEN BETTER THAN THESE CHICKS. We will be taut, toned, slim and BADASS. Riding out on our own bitching bikes with chrome fit to burn your eyes out and engines that will wake the dead.

ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?????

~Peri

BANK RAGE

FUCKING WESTPAC.

I want to check my bank details online. I don't remember my login info, so I use my phonebanking shite as the backup. It locks me out. They can't take me call coz they are scratching their arses and sniffing the fingers in the call center.

FUCK.

Useless assfucks.

I'm pissed off beacause now I'm essentially broke, explanationless as to said brokeness and I'm about to go to a birthday party and interact with people when I DON'T WANT TO and sit facing a ton of shit food I DON'T WANT TO EAT. But I'm gonna HAVE TO EAT or PRETEND TO EAT to KEEP PEOPLE OFF MY BACK.

So, I'm not happy.

Oh yeah, I'm hangry (Hungry+angry). Can you tell? :p

So, my sexy-as-all-shit bleached roots, just for you 160 hot bitches who deserve something else to hurt your eyes on :p

. . . and my $5 table. Laptop included for size guide. (That's Dralion's scratching post in the background) Ooooh yeah, furniture porn FTW!



SSPA Random Shit Of The Day
Augustine has a shiny new Lyric Quote. Check it out! (Green pixel pony on the left)

Coz I can XD


Fuck, I did a bunch of light-speed blog reading and I feel like such a slack cunt for not having time to tap my digits on a comment. TONIGHT if Miles isn't here or TOMORROW before Econ meetings. I promise you. I've gotten 50% of my econ assignment done and studied some vocab. Go me.

I LOVE YOU, YOU SEXY BIZNATCH!

~Peri