Sorry, I went from Communications Meltdown into full-on Comm. Death.
After 2 weeks off work I'm doing much better. Still not entirely together again. Unfortunately it takes longer to put yourself back together again than it does to fall apart.
Right now I honestly have no idea WHAT my "feels" are doing.
All over the fucking place with a whole bunch of anxiety and surliness and fucked-up sleep.
I was almost on top of the sleep again, too.
FUCK IT.
I'm back at work again tomorrow. Panicking. Even though our new boss has started
I
DO NOT
WANT
TO
GO.
Have to, though.
Practiced leaving the house today to go visit Jaq at her new flat. She's been in and out of the Holiday Home for Brainspaz again over the last 2 weeks. Full-on suicidal breakdown. That wasn't fun.
Two weeks ago I found out that Kerys was going back to Sweden.
I had my last session with her on Friday.
They have to apply to some Health Board to be able to re-fill her job, so I'm officially discharged with instructions to ring them if I'm having dangerous urges.
They're going to ring me in 2-3 months to see how I'm going.
From her comments I think Kerys thought I was becoming too dependent on therapy.
Right now I don't really have the ability to process that.
I reckon that we'd done about as much as we could.
I can more-or-less tolerate myself. There is less outright loathing and determination to eradicate myself in the most painful way possible. If I don't have to be forcibly reminded of my own existence I can comfortably doublethink my way along.
Honestly, I still wouldn't mind dying. This "Living" shit just hurts too much to be really worth it a lot of the time. Another 40-50 years of being treated like shit because I don't LOOK sick?! Yeah, no thanks.
I finally emailed Deirdre's Author Friend and poked the writing muse back into action at the expense of the picture-drawing one so that's another few steps towards maybe not spending most of my life working at Noms'R'Us.
The other night we had massive Southerly gales. Dralion was so frightened she actually clawed at me until I let her under the duvet, then I had to hold her paws because she was kneading me with sharp-feet.
Miles turned 31 yesterday. I made him a Bday cake. Chocolate with Peanut Butter icing. It's Tempest's fault. She introduced me to the American thing of putting peanut butter together with
everything chocolate.
And now Miles is addicted to the combination.
Tempest; you are a horrible influence.
How do you icing?
Thank fuck for Google, Vodka and the
Edmond's Cookbook.
The last time I remember baking a cake was for my cookery badge in
Brownies. (Still have my sash somewhere, too) I was worried the cake would be dry as fuck, but it turned out OK.
The PB+Chocolate combination didn't go down too well at his Mother's-side family lunch for all the July Birthday People, but that doesn't matter.
There is a horrible photo of me&him on the family tree painted on her the hallway wall. She said it's because I'm family now.
They're an extremely huggy group of people.
The winners for the Reindeer Games Tournament in NewZuyan were announced last week. Manywaters and I tied, each getting 3 tokens for character-creation in future NewZ roleplays, a custom Reindeer starter and some necklace items.
This is my
Helius, who I'm going to work into my little pixel pony world-building adventure. I wanted his body to be more buttercream than sand, but OMFG WHO CARES I FUCKING WON!!!
Miles and I went to see Transformers 4 on Wednesday.
FINALLY they have a decent ratio of giant robots to humans in a franchise about giant robots.
They didn't fucking need Drift The Colossal Fucking Weeaboo when they already had Bay the Sexist, Racist douchewad making an aft of himself in Shanghai -.-
Fun drinking game: Take a shot every time you see an American Flag or a Texan says something about guns. You'll get shitfaced so fast you won't notice how fucking terrible everything that ISN'T a giant robot is.
SPOILERS NOW.
SCROLL DOWN TO MUSIC VIDEOS FOR SAFETY.
Transformium: The new Unobtanium. YOU'RE NOT EVEN FUCKING TRYING, ARE YOU?!
Cut out all the unnecessary product-placement and you'll save 20mins of runtime, easy. Yeah, you may need the sponsorship to fund the CG, but seriously YOU ARE DOING YOUR PRODUCT PLACEMENT SO BADLY I FUCKING GUARANTEE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE WHAT-NOT-TO-DO EXAMPLE IN BSNS103 NEXT YEAR.
Continuancy errors. Holy hell. And can someone PLEASE tell me what the fuck the black things were that were flying around when Lockdown showed up? They couldn't be leaves or bits of asphalt, so I'm stumped.
And I'm so glad I'm not from anywhere near the Arctic, as I bet they fucked that up as badly as they did Pripyat and Chernobyl in DoTM.
Oh yeah: LOCKDOWN FUCKING RULED HOLY SHIT YES I NEEDED CLEAN PANTS. Gun for a face?! He was so in character I nearly fell out of my chair!
We're not even going to go NEAR Bay's trademark inability to treat chicks as human beings here. UGH can we just make the girl a year older so we DON'T need a quickie lesson in Texas' exemptions to statutory rape laws?! That was fucking creepy as all hell. My nieces are NEVER going to Texas.
I wonder how many times the lead chicks and their stunt doubles in this franchise have rolled/broken their ankles running in heels? HELLO BAY THERE ARE OTHER FORMS OF FOOTWEAR AVAILABLE FOR GIRLS!!
They killed my Ratchet. Horribly. Nastily. I don't think I'm ever going to get over that. THEN THEY FUCKING WENT AND DESECRATED HIS CORPSE FOR PROFIT?! *Retching noises* Every time I hear 'Hunted' by Steve Jablonksy on my iPod I start crying.
Omfg Bumblebee was BRILLIANT and my baby Grimmy looked UTTERLY FANTASTIC. But he didn't show up until the last 30mins. So not impressed. Needed more Dinobots.
Holy shit Hound got the best lines. "He's not dangerous. Just too disturbing to live" I nearly pissed myself cracking up over that one.
Carbon-dating
metal. I nearly brained myself facepalming.
You fucking ignorant shit.
Yeah, if you don't know much about Transformers Canon the movie will confuse the fuck outta you. The Knights of Cybertron thing and Drift being a hardcore Japanophile (You totally missed a chance to take the piss out of Weeaboos instead of looking like a wankstain there, Bay) are IDW-Verse specific, I think. Optimus basically has to beat the shit outta Grimlock to win his respect in EVERY continuancy.
OMFG THE QUNITESSONS ARE COMING (Back.
Coming back. That was SO them cyberforming Late Cretaceous Earth) FUCK YES I WANNA SEE THE QUINTS GET THEIR AFTS KICKED AGAIN SO FUCKING BADLY!!!!
If you're not there JUST to see giant robots and you're NOT a scientifically ignorant 14y/o white boy (Blatantly obvious target demographic) you're in for some massive letdowns.
Yeah, I didn't pay much attention to the humans after the initial self-referential joke. There was much eye-rolling and face-palming and
Ugh can someone PLEASE give the Director a fucking clue?!?
Sure, T-Rex, Spinosaur, Pterodactyls and Triceratops didn't all live at the end of the Late Cretaceous. They died 66MYA, 97MYA, 66MYA and 67MYA respectively. Despite bashing my head against the chair in front of me at the blithering idiocy, (You fucking KIDDING?! You imply that the Quints got their Legendary Knight designs when they Cyberformed Earth during the mass extinction event of 65MYA [and you state 65MYA as your timeframe when you "carbon-dated the Transformium"] and pick THOSE designs to use?!) I STILL FUCKING HEART THE DINOBOT DESIGNS!
I got my hands on the Score soundtrack for Dark of the Moon. Sentinel Prime is an all-round scumbag but he got my all-time favourite theme. (A love Jablonsky as a soundtrack composer. UNF eargasms)
'Arrival To Earth' (The 2:51 version from iTunes. Fuck you very much Apple) just makes me think of Jazz. I reckon they had to create Mudflap and Skids to make up for the comic value they missed by killing off the Jazz-Man so early. (Still not over that. Or Ironhide. Bumblebee will be next, just you wait.)
I'm going to slip back into the quiet between the notes and try to re-establish contact a little.
Don't know how well I'll do. We'll have to see.
~Peri
