flfbnbdjhgvsdGAAAAAAHH!!!

This essay is driving me fucking INSANE. 5pm tomorrow night I am all yours again. I promise.

I need to get better so I can get my ass to the gym. I felt like a monstrous great pig in a wig next to G-Meister yesterday. My double chin was out in ALL it's grotesque glory which made me feel SO good about myself. NOT.

Observe.









So damn inadequate next to that pixie of a girl. Shit I have work to do! Those upper arms disgust me. I apparently have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER to do with my hands or any props in them.

Fuck, time to squeeze another 800-odd words out of my brain then calisthenics. They won' let me in the gym with the infections in both ears AND my sinuses, so it's home workout for for me. I'm too scared to go near the scales. I won't like what I see.

If I'm not pretty and I'm not smart any more, at least I can be skinny, right?

Right?

Or is this all a big fucking joke?

Right now I really don't care so long as the word count keeps going up and the product is coherent.

~Peri

WOOOOOOOO!!!1!

I'm halfway through my essay thats due Friday. Flying through, is GOOD!!!

Sodding ear infection migrated, I now have a massive bacterial infection of the ears and sinus. Damn it makes standing and thinking fun! XD Mmmmm, antibiotics and fruit juice!

I've got blue in my hair and another blue-haired photo shoot in 2 hours. I need to find some FUNKY shit. What on earth do I have that is FUNKY???

Oh yeah, we're starting off at the Pole Dancing Studio. Sweeet!!!!

Guess who had had too much aniseed rock in an attempt to keep dem sinuses clear?

*Whistles innocently*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CONTACT LENSES NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!


Friday will be dedicated to catching up with you lovely lads and ladies.

xoxo

~Peri

Wag Wag Wag To The Beat

Words words words.

Nose blocking, temperature rising. I feel my heart labour. Can't open my mouth. How did I still manage to ingest over 2500cal? What on earth?

Setting in on the slide. Wheeee coherency is gone. 750 words a day can get me there. Will I be well enough to weed the BS before I'm done, or will I need to get TJ to proofread it?

*Sigh* I love sumptuous clothing. SO jealous of everyone with a national history longer than us.

I need to do dishes before Dolly gets home, I need to essay before I pass out.

346 words.

I am a gummibear

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

~Peri

Adapt And Overcome

Fake it until I make it. Advice from Jaq: Just pretend you're performing. That could work, it's how we pass ourselves off as undamaged every day, isn't it?

Feeling like my emo self from 15. Reason: Working 8 hours after oversleeping on daylight savings with an ear infection and wisdom teeth being assholes. Please excuse me while I go cry in the corner *Snort* XD

I need 2,800 more words on my essay and a whole shit ton more research. As penance I'm contemplating NaNoWriMo.

Second blue hair&eyes photo shoot tentatively scheduled for Wednesday. I've been eating nonstop all month! FUCK.

I must have been absolutely EVIL in a past life. Somewhere a little gnome called Karma is wetting itself laughing. Bastard.

Just so tired. Planning tomorrow around gym, class, essay researching/writing & visiting Miles at his job. It will be pretty much the only time I get to see him this week, I think.

Loaded up my old Eminem. Shit I haven't listened to for years. Fuck I love Mosh.

"All the people up top on the side and the middle,
Come together lets all form and stomp just a little.
Just let it gradually build from the front to the back.
All you can see is a sea of people some white and some black.
Don't matter what color, all that matters we gathered together
To celebrate for the same cause, don't matter the weather.
If it rains let it rain, yea the wetter the better.
They ain't gonna stop us, they can't, we stronger now more than ever.
They tell us no we say yea, they tell us stop we say go.
Rebel with a rebel yell, raise hell we gonna let em know"

*Stomps* *Falls asleep* *Falls over* (YES IN THAT ORDER!!1!)

~Peri

Monday Bloody Mon-Um, SATURDAY.

Grrr I'm getting really pissed off with the internet running so DAMN slowly!! Wal had better be downloading some GOOD movies, not more bloody Babylon 5 or B-grade horror XD So no Fitday and sweet fuck all commenting tonight. Awww MAN! D:

Wheee, work was boring, my ear is fucking up again, eating too much and not working out attempting to prevent getting sick from infected fluid s-l-o-w-l-y draining down my throat. Too slowly, I'm deaf again! Making glacial progress on the essay.

I need to make some fucking changes. It's daylight savings tonight. Full moon and spring equinox were a few days ago. Right now is as good a time as any to fill the bowl with water and face myself in the blue flame.

Have some Dralion love. She found the warmest place in the house (The just-emptied fireplace) and claimed it XD






Imma go join her on/in/under NEAR bed. I need to rest while I undertake building a frame for my spine to grow on like ivy on a garbage pile.

~Peri

Porangi Pakeha

Concentrating my studies on something I actually enjoy feels vaguely silly. Isn't this shit supposed to be HARD? Isn't your career after University supposed to be a soulless daily grind in a florescent-lit cubicle hell? 0.0

I have also realised the the course of the last day just how RETARDED I look in Kimono. Yukata, kosode, furisode, the Heian robes at the museum all looked like utter TRASH on me. Why? Damn gaijin long-legs genes. My host sister had the perfect long torso and short legs to look stunning in them. Why on EARTH did that chick covet boobs and long legs? To compensate for them I have to tie my obi so low I look like a twattish housewife trying to be Geisha!

(Guess what I'm writing my essay on?)

Dralion is sending not-so-subtle hints that her human should go to bed. Pfft, whatever.



Parkour at the Wellington Waterfront. Talia and I wandered there sharing stories of her IP time and my Uni life. We found an amazing gelateria and had gelato in the sun. There were ducks and fish and a 2m-wide stingray with no tail.

Fucking BASTARD ASSHOLE COCKSUCKING LUCKY SONS OF BITCHES -my parents- got to go see Metallica in Christchurch. I'm so jealous I could choke. I'd better have news of Nana and a goddamn Tshirt, or I may shave their dog and tattoo paint 'Eat me' on it in Maori.

Kiss kiss

~Peri

Leper

Procrastinating: I'm doing it well.

I've finished the blanket for Surprise baby, changed my major to a BA, started my assignment, talked to the Language lecturer about how in HELL I'm gonna pass his paper. Basically I just need to pull finger and PROVE I'm worthy of the coveted C grade.

I need to pull finger all round. I disgust myself, really. Denial is a really big river, you know?

It doesn't even reach the sea in some summers now. Did you know that?

I seem to be intent on acting like a cartoon ostrich until the last moment. This crazy-ass weather aids my desire to procrastinate on the couch. Snow in September FFS!! What the bloody HELL???

Sky hight to rock bottom. Wow, that was quick.

I ran out of meds this morning. I can feel the fog lifting from my brain and it is GREAT. Lets get the fuck off these, shall we? Soon, soon it WILL be soon.

I went to visit my friends and take the blanket around to them. I had fun talking and catching up and ripping the shit out of reality TV and playing with Surprise Baby. I got smiles from the minute I walked in the door. I got giggles and laughs that her Daddy can't get out of her without extremes of effort, and I got them so easily. They expressed pleasure over the blanket which frankly baffled me. There were so many fuckups, and it wasn't as big as I'd wanted to make it. Turns out it's the perfect size for carseats, prams, cots and swaddling.

I come home, proud of my accomplishments and wanting to share them. Dolly had a go, as she does. Taking the shitty mood at uni out on the people who she lives with.

It seems my heater used $50 of power last month, even while she acknowledged my right to a fucking WARM room (She and Wal get sun in theirs, I don't UNLESS it's 4pm in January). So we are totally discounting the 7c/hour wall heater that got left on 24/7 at some points and her now daily hairdryer usage. It seems having to considerate of my working hours on Saturday is a MASSIVE FUCKING IMPOSITION on her social life. I suggested I go to Miles' house on Fridays and disrupt his household when she wants to party. That idea was jumped on like cats on tuna. She is also pissed with Miles coming over and us talking in the lounge when she is 'watching TV' (Reading a book with TV going) or talking in my room. It seems "hearing people's mumbled conversations when [she's] walking around or going to the toilet is disturbing"

There are several flat talks that need to be had.

Hmm, I found out that the reason they NEVER talk to me is because they feel like they have to treat me like fucking porcelain or deal with the consequences. I'M FUCKING TRYING to keep from having this impact on you as well! FUCK! Do you know how much of a fucking FIGHT it has been to keep the fucking impact on you guys to THIS level? I want to rip myself apart and annihilate all evidence of my existence and you STILL complain about the fallout from bending myself inside-out to try to hide this desire? I tried to kill myself and you STILL got on my back about calling in sick. You have NO IDEA of our work situation, so STFU.

So, obviously trying not to internalise it failed this time. Lets see if I can do better when it comes to the actual sit-downs talks. There were a lot of disclaimers 'I'm not attacking you' etc. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. How can you complain about always being the organiser when you fucking steamrolled all over everyone else for 9 fucking months? We can never get a word in or find a time that fits your schedule. We just give up!

Ok, you have had a point with some of what you said, but I know EXACTLY what this dye is doing to my hair. You can NOT tell me what to do with my fucking hair, child. You've done all this to yourself, so for FUCK sake SHUT UP.

I'm torn between flames of rage and icy self-loathing. (Or is that the woolly jersey and the fucking cold bedreem?) I don't know which way is up or down or in or out or right or wrong. I want to annihilate the shit-stain that is me and eradicate the fucking self-hatred like the toxic weeds it is.

I feel so STUPID. I want to go somewhere safe and sort this all out. Thing is, I can't. I'm not crazy enough, not at-risk enough, not sick enough, not helpless enough. Giving up control of my life is terrifying. I can't starve myself into hospital because that would mean being thrown back on the tender mercies of my parents. I can't go back there. I fought so hard for independence from them that I cannot give it up now.

I can't sit here and stew. It's not good. It's annoying and sickening and disgusting. Whinge whinge whine, whine whine whine, woe is me I'm so hard done by.

I'm going to tidy my room and do some of this essay.

Dear Dolly,
I hope your current diet makes you gain even MORE than your last one did.
Self-righteous bitch.
~Peri

Dear MDD&Brain,
FUCK YOU.
~Peri

Dear You,
Apologies for being an absentee blogger and a whiny bitch. It's pissing off the rational parts of me when they surface, so I can only assume it's irritating you even more.
I love you so much for the time you have spent reading this mess of a post. I can't imagine why you put yourself through it!
~Peri

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I SUCK!

Rocky would put my inner landscape mildly.

I just don't know any more, I really don't. I'm still at that in-between stage where I start to feel like a fucking fake. Oh yes, all that feeling happy and feeling sad were made up. They were dreams I had when i wasn't sleeping and now I'm back being boring old ME.

I'm ignoring University, hoping it will go away. I am THIS-> {--} close to giving it up as a bad idea and never going back. Talking to the head of the Japanese department will decide my academic fate.

Truth is, the last few years of tertiary study have actually made me LESS intelligent, not more. I've felt my brainpower eroding beneath the onslaught of stress hormones, medication and exams. I should have quite while I was ahead. BEFORE I started telling myself I could finally die if I failed -this- or -that- paper.

NOT the best way to approach University.

I'm so SICK of it. Studying things that don't interest me and being EXAMINED on EVERY DAMN THING before I have a chance to absorb it.

I'm sick to death of seeing all these driven, capable, motivated, HAPPY people and NOT BEING ONE OF THEM.

I feel completely inadequate next to these minds that burn so bright, these keen intelligences and ruthless wills that surround me. I am a fake. If I ever had it, it is long gone. I have instinctual ideas that I cannot put into words. This inability to express myself leaves me floundering. Too many bits of broken languages leave me discredited and helpless in the face of disgusted glares.

As a child, words were my favourite toys. I won scholarships and contests on the strength of my words. I had the NCEA equivalent of As in English, Japanese, Geography and Biology in High School. My work is now being used as an example for Excellence in 7th Form Creative Writing at my high school.

What am I now? A 4th-year BCom student who hasn't gotten an A for 2 years. I have the foetid breath of academic probation breathing down my neck.

Fuck this. I want to run away and join the Gypsy Fair. I'll shovel horse shit and groom the ponies who give children pony rides. I can do that much, at least.

I want SO BADLY to use my past as a justification for how I am now.
"Mummy abused me. My brain is broken. Nobody loves me. Ink died. I try to kill myself. So-And-SO is in hospital. A girl tried to kill me at intermediate, while our classmates encouraged her. Aunt.A hates me because her first child died and I lived. I have memory blanks. My Mum is a druggie and Dad drinks more than he should. My earliest memories are of watching Grandad die. You didn't let me say goodbye when you got the cat put to sleep. I lied on the psyc test to seem happier than I was. My bird died spitting blood in my hands."
On and on andonandonandonandonandON!

Enough. This shit is a part of me. Shitty makeup for a shitty waste of resources. I GET IT. I can choose to let it control who I am, or use it to be a part of who I will become. Use it a source of strength instead of an excuse to be weak. I am strong enough now to break your grip, bitch.

The opinions of others are NOTHING to what I've come through. I don't CARE if I don't measure up or I feel like I'm faking it. I could be so much more fucked up than I am.

I am ME and there is nothing you can do about it. I don't CARE how much it pisses you off. That isn't my problem unless I decide to make it so. The ONLY person whose opinion of myself that should matter to me is MY OWN. NOBODY ELSE'S.

To put this in a trite phrase from a celebrity:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Or, more true to my attitude:
"I tried suicide once and I'll try it again
That's why I write songs where I die at the end
Cause I don't give a fuck, like my middle finger was stuck
And I was waving it at everybody screaming, "I suck" (I suck!)
I go on stage in front of a sellout crowd
And yell out loud: "All y'all get the hell out now". . .
. . .Guess I'm just a sick sick bastard
Who's one sandwich short of a picnic basket
One Excederin tablet short of a full medicine cabinet
I feel like my head has been shredded like lettuce and cabbage"
~Cum On Everybody - Eminem

So, um, yeah.

I SUCK, AND FUCK YOU.

*SMACK!*

I had things to say, but under the onslaught of blindsides in the last 30mins they melted back into the triviality whence they sprang.



Sometimes, you never see it coming.



Sometimes, when you do see, you are powerless to do anything to stop it.



Those times are the worst. It would be nice if we could be taken in for a tune-up and oil change every 6 months or 10,000km.



Sadly, this is not a version of reality we inhabit. Happily, we can be in control of our inner realities.

~Peri

Woolly Wafflings

I am casting the BITCHIEST wool in the world on to my slippery secondhand metal needles to make a baby hat.

One of these things could easily abort a thousand babies without breaking a sweat, but instead it is being used as a tool to create something to keep one baby warm.

I can never look at these things the same way again.

Funny, turn the world a bit sideways and then take a look at things. Fucking disturbing.

FUCKING STUPID WOOL. I'm going to sleep and hope the worst of this storm passes us by. That means it will have to fall on someone else. That is something I can't control.

Recent News:
-Bike has been into shop. $156 later it purrs like a kitten
-I miss you guys
-No advance on BIG essay
-Smaller essay and homework handed in on time
-Baby Blankie for L&L just needs to be sewen up
-I LOVE SEX.
-ESPECIALLY LOVE HAVING SEX WITH MILES
-I miss you guys
-We have MORE firewood, since this storm's win chill takes the temp to below freezing.
-Dralion caught a starling. Good puss going for the exotics!
-I'm feeling better inside. It is a weird feeling.
-I miss you guys
-I made grey vanilla flavoured bran muffins with raisins in them. They were gooood.

I need to go to bed. I will plaster myself all over blogger tomorrow. For now, sleep.

Sweet dreams, pixies!

~Peri

Ferkjffjhdvjhdc

Brilliant.

JUST when I'm taking my bike in to be serviced. They were projecting the clearing of the Kaikoura slip tomorrow as well. WHAT THE FUCK, NATURE?? I'd better saddle up shanks' pony eh?

Kitty CAN'T hold on overnight. Woke up at 2am hearing her trying to rip up the carpet to cover some poop. Deposited very tidily where her litterbox had been. Take THAT flatmates.

Ok, I'm going back to studying. I want to hand this essay in tomorrow so I don't have to go out on Friday if don't have to.

Tomorrow I plan to make cinnamon+raisin bran muffins to take to games night. Heh, we'll see if we're able to make it up the hill tomorrow night.

FUCK. OK. STUDY. I'll read your blogs later, in 2 hours. After more study. Right.

xoxo

~Peri

Angry Again

Dolly is back. Bitch, moan, whine, complain. Passive-aggressive bullshit. Just put on your big girl panties and deal with it, honey. It isn't as cold as you're making it out to be.

Thank GOD for the Well Dunedin therapist and the good work she has made me do on my WRAP. A reading for my culture paper last night (The similarities between Epictetus' Stoicism philosophy and the Japanese Warrior Ethis of Bushido) has been helping me put things into perspective too.

I'm totally unable to spell right now. FUCK this foot-in-mouth is extending to typing. HALP! So forgive me if I don't comment. I just don't know how to turn these communication impulses into words.

Language lecturer said I've missed so many classes, tests and assignment hand-ins it's gonna be hard to pass me. I need to brush up on my Keigo and mental health terms before the meeting.

Starting to look at places to work over the summer holidays. Woooo, two jobs again. Those were the days!

Now I need to go study my ass off. Set the Doomsday clock at 5mins to midnight and watch the neurons suicide in terror. HARDEN UP you little pussies.

~Peri

*Facedesk*

Yesterday. Work. Pure fucking insanity. It was about as much fun as being beaten with a pile driver for 8 hours straight, with the occasional squirt of lemon juice to the eyes or slap round the face with a cactus.

As soon as I can get my full license, I'm applying at bakeries. They smell so good, are so warm in winter, and I'll adapt to the hours soon enough. There is also a lot less customer contact.

I shall illustrate.

There is a rather large landslip blocking the main road south of Kaikoura. The road that EVERYTHING that gets to the South Island has to travel. A lot of the stock that manages to get past that heads straight to the poor sods in Christchurch and Canterbury that need it like they need oxygen. This means we are having massive shortages here, as the supermarkets are focusing on keeping basic food items supplied. This means, among other things, that we haven't had plastic bags at the checkouts to pack customer's purchases into for about 5-6 days now.

We had a customer go mental last night, claiming that the landslip was made up. A conspiracy cooked up by our supermarket to stop people using plastic bags.

*Beats head repeatedly against the wall*

Combine this with my out of control case of foot-in-mouth syndrome, the weekend is better left forgotten.

I should have just sewn my mouth shut and superglued my fingers together on Friday night. It seems like nothing is coming out right. I'm pissing people off left, right and center coz I just don't stop and THINK about what I'm about to say. Damn, I'm gonna have an epic career in porn if I keep stretching my mouth out by shoving my feet in there.

Miles brought round pizza for tea on Saturday. I downed fat-blockers beforehand and am flushing myself of the salt, pizza dough-mass and calories with water, fiber and exercise.

I just don't know what I'm doing right now. Where I'm going. What to say. Who I am. Beginning to find, to search again. These transitional periods are uncomfortable. The stagnation of waiting. The danger of it is that you can wait too long and moss will cover you before you wake up.

Beginning. I hope to begin. Emerge with the spring and peel off these unsavory layers that I detest. Purge the spineless weakness and keep the strength. Blow the ashes off the embers. I want to become someone or something that I no longer regard as loathsome. Some form of peace. Even a ceasefire in the battle would be appreciated.

FUCK THIS STUPID SPINELESSNESS.

~Peri

*Gleeful Giggles*

SOMEbody (Gonna call G-Meister's photographer mate Her Awesomeness, since she has Mad Skillz with a camera and can hold herself feet-up head-down on a pole with nothing but her HANDS) namely Her Awesomeness, got some internet access!!

OMG you can see my epic peasant-boobs of DOOM (Doobs. Boobs of Doom=Doobs. Different from Doobies, tyvm) XD and as usual, G-Meister looks FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!!!1! Her corset was custom-made by Asphyxia Corsetry *Envious sighs*







I can't wait to get my grubby mitts on the rest of them! *Jiggles like an impatient toddler*

Holy shit, I just realised the corset was on upside-down. No WONDER my boobs kept popping out! D:

NO. There will be NO token nipple-shots of my nips on this blog EVER. If you want to see me naked you'll have to pay damn good and book a private showing. You'll also have to bribe Miles, and bribe him GOOD.

REAL GOOD.

Sweet dreams pixies, don't let the evil tree-witches bite!

~Peri

Making It Up As I Go

I am exhausted. Tomorrow morning I will comment, when my brain isn't a white-out haze of spent terror.

Ya know what scarier than a MidTerm you haven't prepared for and a 3,500word research essay due a month sooner than you think?

A bitch in goth makeup with inch-long acrylic claws coming at your eyeballs with a micro-millimeter thick blue disc of PURE GUT-CLENCHING TERROR.\

*Sigh* I guess the end product was ok. After I stopped shaking and uncurled from my fetal ball XD



Yup, it's the "Mermaid" shoot, which morphed into "Evil-Queen-Woodland-Fairy" since a flowering tree blew down in those gales on Sunday.

Behold the n00b!










The ones of me and G-Meister in the tree will be a few months away, since they were on her friend's camera. I'll put up one of my faves of me with the tree when I get copies from G-Meister :)

Oh, by the way. . .

None of these have been through photoshop. Hence the yellow tinge in the couch photos. That's all me, folks! G-Meister did a fucking AMAZING job, considering what she had to work with -.-;

Ok, time to go do something mindless until Miles gets here.

Sweet dreams, I hope this didn't give you nightmares!

~Peri

Just Keeps Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'.

I'm hiding.

My brain has been melting, hiding behind fucked-up sleep and too much chocolate and Irma and worry about friends in CHCH as an excuse for being unmotivated and falling into the rabbit hole.

FUCK YOU, YOU WILL NOT WIN.

I have new undies and stylee pink leopard-print PJs. Damn I'm classy.

Therapist at Well Dunedin has been causing revelations in my head. Reading Psychology books is opening up new doors of understanding.

Kaze, in our discussion on FaceBook today, you reminded me of something I had forgotten. Thank you so, so much.

No matter how fucked up my parents were, no matter how scarred inside I am, I had two months with a NORMAL LOVING family whom I treasure more than anything else on this earth. Those shining, golden weeks were a revelation. I was lucky in so many ways to have them.

To be entirely honest, when I think of 'Mum' and 'Dad' with affection, it isn't my birth parents I see in my mind's eye.

Lying low, trying not to jinx myself and the weather. I need 'Floaty' props. WTF are you concocting G-Meister??

I weigh too much, but right now I'm trying not to give a fuck. I don't need to hate myself anymore. My opinions DO matter. I have worth. If I brand myself, will I remember this?

One can hope. This is how life is for me. Up, down, numb. Soar, crash, stagnate. This can be managed so I can live some form of fulfilling life.

I hope.

I'm fucking myself over for the Mid-Term in JAPA323 tomorrow morning. No study, despite what I told Miles. When will I ever learn??

I'm scared and stressed and tired. Things could be so much worse, why am I worrying so much? Sleep is called for. Tomorrow will be filled with exam and contact lens horrors, so I'd better get my ugly sleep.

Sweet dreams and unshaken beds, my lovlies

~Peri

Rain, Rain FUCK OFF!

So fucking LIVID right now!

FUCKING IRMA has wrecked TWO pairs of undies today. WHORE. BITCH. COW. ARGH!!! I've allowed myself to eat WHATEVER I FUCKING WELL WANT to prevent myself from ripping Wal's head off and putting it on a pike out front while I paint myself with the blood of the neigbour's noisy dog and dance naked around a pile of corpses.

It's only today. I still hauled my cranky, bloating carcass to the gym and had a good old convo about Anime, Sci Fi and history with one of the old crew.

Mermaiding with G-Meister is definitely set for Thursday. If it is still pissing down, we'll shoot inside at the Railway Station.

This Railway Station:

Oooohhhh! Virtual Tour of the lobby!

So. My rules for the month of the Red Queen. (I'm so SICK of that colour already)
1) 10mins skipping and 15 dancing every day
2) Gym 3 times a week
3) 2000cal max daily, 1500cal minimum.
4) Get ALL fiber and Vit.C recommended in a day according to FitDay
Thats all I have so far.

Fuck I LOVE BoA! I just want to snap a leash on the front of that collar and parade my pet down George Street. Prrrrrrrrrowr!


Crazy Angel, my little sister, asked what I meant by wanting "Ballerina legs". I'll attempt to explain in pictures. I love their long, shapely legs. Well-muscled without being bulky. Just beautiful!





Let's face it. My legs have been pretty damn shapeless all my life, and they're just starting to get good now. I'm eternally envious of anyone who has nice, shapely legs. ESPECIALLY if they are strong enough to dance around on tippy-toe for hours on end!

Fuck I'm shattered. It's not letting me preview so WHATEVER. Time for a cup of mint tea and BED.

~PMS Peri

Sunday, Windy Sunday

*Big sigh of relief* Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

I got to go home from work an hour early because of the INSANE winds. I got home in a lull, thank GOD. Fucing crazy-arse gale force blasts all over the show, blowing bread pallets (Those blue plastic trays) around the loading bay and wobbling the windows. Watching the street lights sway back and forwards is terrifying.

We've had a few minor tremors down here today, nothing as bad as yesterday morning. I'm crossing my fingers that pressure hasn't been shunted to the faults down here. There is a major one that runs right under the harbour (The middle of the harbour used to be one massive volcano) and several minor ones criss-crossing the city and surrounds. I'm gonna arrange with Miles that if we get a big one here, he is to get his arse up to mine and we head for high ground. (His house is on reclaimed land at sea level. Can you say LIQUIFIED GROUND and TSUNAMI?!)

This is what's been happening up north today. I'm getting pissed off with one news place using North Island Maori spellings and another using South Island for place names. THIS IS THE FUCKING SOUTH ISLAND, USE THE RIGHT DIALECT FOR THE PLACE NAMES YOU CUNTS! *Facedesk*

Case in point: During my Mihi I say my lake is Waihola, as I am from the South Island and that is the name of the lake in question. If the lake happened to be in the North Island, it would be something like Waihora.

(Can you tell I'm a stickler for proper use of grammar and spelling? I get so angry at Google Chrome's spell checker making me spell wrong. I SPEAK AND WRITE REAL ENGLIGH, NOT THAT LAZY-ASS YANKEE SHIT!)

I'm still trying to watch last week's episode of NZNTM on demand. I've not gotten more than 5 mins in, and I'm sick to death of the theme music. If it doesn't work this time, I'm gonna go skip for 10mins then work on my Book Of Thin.

"Whāia te iti kahurangi - Ki te tūohu koe, me he maunga teitei"
Pursue excellence – should you stumble, let it be to a lofty mountain

~Peri

What A Day 0.0;

I spent ALL DAY freaking out about Nana and Grandad in Christchurch. They live near Kaipoi, you see.

CUNT Dad never told me they were alright, thank GOD I rang Mum and checked Facebook before I binged or exercised myself into oblivion! Nana has power but no water or sewerage, so she could message me on Facebook and let me know she was fine.

It did NOT help to have the news feed on in the Staff Room or have to listen to Tweedle Rum (Covering for Tweedle Dee) talk about it with EVERY SINGLE FUCKING CUSTOMER SHE SERVED. I nearly ran out front and shoved a bacon hock in her gob to shut her the fuck up!

My cousin's house in Kaipoi kinds disintegrated/split in half. I think he's gonna head down to hang out with Nana and Grandad, so that's cool.

This shit's gonna buff out. Some CRC and chip stick and she'll be right!

(No idea what good some clown in a suit taking a fucking cruise around will do. Twat should go BACK to Wellington and quit using up CHCH's valuable drinking water!)

In other news, I've had positive developments on the brain front. I've started planning for the future again, in small ways. I bought nice woolly socks instead of junk, and put money into my savings account instead of spending it on pizza.

First thing Monday morning, I'm ringing Tattrix! First thing tomorrow, I'm reviewing my emergency & First Aid kits. Fucking aftershocks make a bitch paranoid.

Love you all, sleep well. If it starts rocking, remember door frames let you house-surf!

~Peri

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

THIS woke me up! CHCH is a 5 hour car drive away (Google a map of NZ and compare Dunedin and Christchurch. Hint: SOUTH ISLAND) and this shit WOKE ME UP!!! Minutes long back-and fowards twitching. I figured bed was the safest place to be, nothing was gonna fall on me. Dralion was very quiet. Papatuanuku, what is wrong?

Fuck! I'm glad that's not down here! It's late in the season, but that Ski fields t Ruapehu will be loving it o.O

I'm gonna go dig out my 4-leaf clover. Eeeeek! Don't wanna go to work!!

~Peri

P.S
Ah, so it DID snow down here too. Bloody hell, Spring!

Please Yourself

Once again, the mermaid shoot has been postponed. THIS time it was because the weather has gone ahead and shit itself in true Early Dunedin Spring style. We had SNOW today, people. ACTUAL not-quite-sleet SNOW at my humble 5m above sea level abode. That god it hasn't stuck around. It's cold enough as it is!

We are going to try again on Tuesday. FUCK I hope the weather is good! Do a sunny-sky-Tuesday dance for me? :) Going that long without washing my hair is gonna KILL me. I re-dyed it on Wednesday, and it is an AMAZING indigo colour. (I finally remembered to glad-wrap (Clingfilm?) my hair while the dye was processing)

Dralion has recovered well from the spaying so far :) There were no complications as she wasn't in heat. Poor kitty is bummed out about being kept inside to avoid ripping her stitches while hooning around. Stitches come out next Friday! She'll be glad XD

Last night I won Cluedo for he first time ever! :D I also started freaking out the the amount of calories I had, despite chugging a bottle of diet coke. I should have DEFINITELY had some dinner before I went. Eggs&Toast&Less candy is MUCH better than FUCKTONS of candy! (And cookies, and chips, and dip, and muffins) Miles kept asking me what was up, wanting to know what I was thinking about. I said I was tired and felt like shit from all the junk food. (true) that my stomach was bitching about it because it wasn't used to so much crap food any more. (Also true)

He also said I could talk to him about any problems I have.

Not true. I can't. Not this.

He's already had one girlfriend with an eating disorder that I know of. He said she was living on a piece of cheese a day (!!!!!!!!!) when he was going out with her, and she was at the point of being skinny where you still look hot so everyone was jealous of him.

I can't tell him. How can I explain that I can't stand the thought of everything I've eaten? That I hate myself and all the useless empty calories and saturated fat I put into my poor body last night? I may as well have just shot a syringe of liquid fat straight into my veins!! All I wanted to do last night was run laps of the sportsground until I fell over, not walk sedately home and go to bed. Right now I want to pick up my skipping rope and skip until I can't, then do situps until I can skip again. I can't though, I have to be able to work tomorrow.

I AM NOT LETTING THIS CRAZY SHIT TAKE MY JOB.

I made peppermint bran muffins for Games Night yesterday. They were green and had white chocolate buttons shoved into the top before they were cooked. Me and my 3 year old nephew were the only ones who didn't like them. They needed more peppermint essence and less white flour.

My ex-flatmate (Nephew's Mum and friend whose house Games Night is at) is pregnant again! 3 years is a good sized gap ^.^ She wouldn't have told anyone as she is only 7 weeks in, but her body won't let her lie XD Her abdominal muscles have already extended out to squishy 6-month proportions (Good if you have a toddler who tends to headbutt your stomach/balls when he hugs you) and she's vomiting like a trooper. She still has the bucket I gave her for her first pregnancy, so it's all systems go!

I don't want to get up for work in 7.5 hours. Getting up at 6am on a Saturday is DEFINITELY cruel and unusual punishment! Only one more semester, if I get off my ass and study!

Sweet dreams, pretty pixies!

~Peri

ZOMGWTFBBQ!!11!1!

September has sterted with:

1) Sleeping in
2) Missing the gym
3) BEING 57.3KG!!
4) Finding an invitation to model in my inbox.
5) SUNSHINE!!!

I was 59.7kg on the first of August due to my binge the night before -.-; If my math serves me (Which is questionable) I've lost 2.4kg in the last month! Fucking AY! Lol, I'd better make some rules for this moth and sick to them, hey?

So, I'm being a Mermaid for G-Meister tomorrow and "Outrageous and weird" for this other person. OH HOLY FUCK. I'm excited and scared as all hell. I need to invest in some makeup and makeup application skills!

ZOMFGWTFBBQ!!!!

I have a deeply buried, sneaky little dream to become an Alternative Model. Imma get my first tattoo next week (Or the week after, depending on funds) to celebrate!








For the last few years, I've secretly aspired to be a Suicide Girl. Tattoos, leather, piercings, wild hair, pinup and attitude. It all appeals to me so much more than stultified, stilted, castrated High Fashion.

Mum, your daughter wants to become a hippy, an alternative model and a circus performer who lives in a lovely wee cottage in the bush. You're gonna shit BRICKS.

Muahahahahahaaaaa!

~Peri